Full Punctuation
by Material
Summary: This Week, Material shuts up the fanboys by clarifying why he didn't like LAAL.
1. Meg's Family

Meg's Family

The Meg's Family series kicked off in June of 2007 with Meg's Boyfriend. Now, assuming that since you're reading this becuase you've already read the book, I'll just give the basic rundown.

The story starts when Meg is kicked out of the car after a game of Punch Buggy. She heads to a nearby 7/11 and asks to use the phone. She meets the clerk, Zack Murdock, and he offers her a ride home. When they get there, he is offered to stay with them since he has no place to live. He then takes Meg to her Homecoming dance, where he confesses his love fore her and the two get together. Only a few months later, Meg gets pregnant with his baby. That's where the continuous story ends. Most chapters after that are very episodic.

Malcolm Fox has kept several aspects of Family Guy intact for this story, such as the cutaways, the Meg bashing, and the characters never seeming to remember what happened in previous chapters. There has also been some backlash to the Meg Bashing, meaning that whenver it happens, Zack or Maddie will retaliate, depending on who it was. Other aspects, such as the musical numbers, have been removed. There is a lot of emphasis placed on slapstic hunor here, often ending with terrible puns (I woodn't know!), but there is a good balance between story elements, and characters.

The humor is also classic to Family Guy. Most of the humor is placed in Cutaways and Flashbacks, along with homosexual and incestuous innuendo. Celebrity bashing is also a staple of this series, and it works. However, I have always assumed that the only people who know enough about celebrities to insult them, are the one who spend their life watching Entertainment Tonight, or TMX or whatever show that pries into the lives of people who just go to work like you or I and I've lost where I was going with this. Also, to keep with the humor, there is an awkward and strange pairing withing the storyline. In this case, it's Maddie/Olivia.

The characters are very well written and perfectly delivered. Zack Murdock is a hostile, yet caring 20y/o who can care fr his family, yet is willing to drive a nail into Peter's skull whenever he feels like it. He has a major problem with Meg bashing, which puts him at odds with Peter and Stewie, as well as Connie D'mico. Zack even went as far as to kill her (to some degree) in one chapter, and even shaved her bald.

Maddie is the kind, yet bratty and insecure (which I guess she gets from her mother) 1y/o daughter of Meg and Zack. She looks a lot like Meg when she was a singer, and even acts like her to some degree. Maddie is also relatively popular at Pre-school, being sought after by Bertram, Stewie and Olivia. Maddie also has a half brother Cody (Hey, am I the only one who noticed that there are two characters named Zack and Cody here?), a gothic child who, for the first part of the story, resented his father and sister. Of course, Maddie also has a nemesis, Eliza Pinchley. She was adopted by Connie, and attends pre-school with Maddie.

A review of Meg's Family is always going to be short, because it's little more than a TV series. The chapters are very episodic, not seeming to merge with each other, but the humor is great. The characters are very likeable, even if they are a tad unrealistic, but the different plotlines are fun to read.

This story has also been crossed over. In the Spellbook, Maddie switched places with Rosie for a whole chapter, then teamed up with her to duel Miriam. In Whispering Illusion 2, it was revealed that Matt has a strong friendship with the Zack Murdock in his universe, and in the latest chapter, he saved a girl who looked a lot like Maddie from a burning building. It is unknown wether ot not there will be more crossovers.

In conclusion, Meg's Family is funny, easy to follow, and fun to read. It does the job a book is supposed to do and entertains the readers. While the characters could be toned down a little, and maybe a continuious plot could be built upon, it is still good. If you could read The Spellbook with one eye and Whispering Illusion with the other eye, then you wouldn't need to read Meg's Family, and if you can do that you need to spend less time on .

Terribly Written and Awkarwardly Delivered by

Material

A/N: If you were somehow offended by this episode, or want to chastise me for not following the Terms of Use to the fucking letter, then just go take a flying leap becasue it's not going to have any adverse effect on me anyway. 


	2. The Spellbook

The Spellbook

The Spellbook is another Meg/OC fic from everyone's second favorite spainard Ander Arias. The story follows around Meg getting a spellbook for her birthday, which would have been a great thing to find out had it not been revealed in...I don't know, the title? But I'm kidding. The Spellbook is much unlike anything I have ever read, but since no one likes it when you flame a Meg fic, let me quickly get the critizism for The Spellbook out of the way.

The main protagonist, Matthew Kennedy, was a great addition to the story early on. He appeared in every chapter, and was a good part of the story. Ever since him and Meg got married, he's been standing in the shadows and maybe has one or two lines each chapter. He doesn't even lend much of a hand whenever a fight breaks out. It's usually Meg, Peter or Rosie who fights that battles. Which leads me to another part. There are very little action parodied fight scenes, and I'm sorry (I say this to Malcolm Fox as well) Chicken fights just don't count.

The main problem with creating an OC, is that you can't have them too fleshed out, or you're called a Mary Sue (See Matthew Ryder), but you also can't flesh them out too little, like Matthew Kennedy. This just makes people unable to connect with your characters, and drives them to hate them at times. Sometimes an OC is the hardest thing to create, and since it's important to write what you know, the main character will obviously be some variation of you, wether in appearance, personality, or in Bhaal's case, both. Ander hasn't really created a character any of us can connect with, as he doesn't do anything. He has no obvious personality strength or flaws, and doesn't even have much of a reaction.

Finally, there isn't much humor here, because he dropped the greatest humor device that Family Guy ever had: Meg Bashing. It's okay to fell sorry for a character, and even hate the characters who torment them, but you just can't get rid of character bashing in any show or fic. If you do that, you have to replace the old punching bag with a new one. This is a concept that Ander seems to have trouble grasping. The Spellbook seems to be more about the actual Spellbook rather than an actual storyline. It started out episodic, and stayed that way, so there is no continuous plot to follow. This might make it hard for Ander to come up with an ending to go out on, and may even make it harder to come up with new chapters in the future.

That being said, let's talk awesomeness.

The Spellbook, despite dropping the funniest aspect of Family Guy, has managed to stay relatively funny throughout it's runtime. It has several funny cutaways, and several funny gags. However, like many sitcoms, it's not funny all the time. It's more of a fic you describe as "Having it's Moments", and little more. The characters are also great to follow, wth the exception of Matt. Rosie, Matt and Meg's daughter, is the bratty and egotistical child who also posseses magic powers through the spellbooks influence. Ander has yet to explain exactly how the spellbook influenced this, but who am I to judge. There are also several other OCs, such as Bruce Kennedy, Matt's father. Now forgive me when I say this Ander, but I keep picturing Bruce looking like Buzz Killington for some reason.

Life also makes an appearance, being Death's Roommate, and his polar opposite. She seems to be rather likeable, but she has only made three appearances so we have yet to find out. There are also three evil and sadistic witches. Miriam, Lorraine, and Jeanne. They possesed Meg, Lois and Jillian respectively, and inherited traits from their hosts. Lorraine inheirited Lois's sex drive and her attraction to Peter. Jeanne inheirited Jillian's stupidity. Miriam's trait has yet to be revealed, but I'm going to guess it will be Meg's desire for attention, meaning you can beat her by ignoring her, which would be incredibly funny.

There have been some very funny cutaways thorughout the the story, such as the Voice Changer Gag, or the Breast Milk Gag. Those were just chunks of gold in a septic tank right there Ander. I'm not saying that your story is a septic tank, I'm just saying that's how well they stood out. However, I do have to point this out. There seems to lack an unusual pairing in the sotry. In Meg's Family, they were Chris/Jillian, Maddie/Olivia, Maddie/Stewie. In Whispering Illusion, it was Jaina/Stewie. Why don't we have one here? Oh well, can't complain I guess.

The Spellbook has been crossed over as well. In Meg's Family, Maddie teamed up with Rosie to fight Miriam. In Whispering Illusion 2, Matt rescued two little girls from a burning building, and one of them looked like Rosie.

In conclusion, I have this to say about The Spellbook. As flawed as it is, read it anyway, because you will never experience anything like it. It's actually very good, but like all books, it does have some pretty big plot flaws. It's not bad, what it is is average, and it works for it.

I wish the best of luck to Ander Arias. I hope you have many more great chapters for us to enjoy in the future.

Material 


	3. Labours Of Love

Labours Of Love (First Impressions)

Ugh. I really haven't been looking forward to this. Last week, Bhaal told me that I should read Labours of Love. I said to him "I'm trying to play World of Warcraft here Bhaal. Why are you talking about reading?" So, me, Soldier of Sorrow, Bhaal, and Tanadra all sat down and tried to read this book. The result? A resounding "eh". I have to say that I didn't like Labours Of Love before I started reading it, and that dislike of the story didn't phase away as I got further into the book.

The story follows a Lois/Brian pairing, which is about as liked on the internet as ***** pornography, and also follows them having a canine daughter. I have to say that this is the fantasy of fanboys and fangirls who stay up all night staring into a box of wheat thins and wondering if it's possible to slit your wrists with them. But I digress. My own dislike of the story can be faded away to make a few good points.

There is not much humor in this story, which is something very unexpected in FG fanfiction, and it is replaced with drama. The drama is okay, and there is a lot of action (Gotta love action scenes). Stewie's hatred of Lois is also eliminated in this story, and replaced with an animosity between Stewie and Eliza. Meg also get's a boyfriend, if there hadn't been enough of that on this site already, and Peter is removed from the story for the good first part of it.

There are some cons I do have to point out. Some chapters are completley underlined for some inexplicable reason, and it makes it hard to follow as your eyes tend to wander. There is also the lack of seperate paragraphs when several people are speaking. This makes dialouge sticky and cluttered at times, leaving you having to read some lines several times just to get a grasp on who was speaking. Cutaways are also rarely seen, which is a shame because nothing spells filler like a random flashback.

The reason this is a 'First Impressions" Rather than a whole review, is that me, Soldier and Bhaal could not get very far into the story before we just gave up out of sheer confusion. I had to get Tanadra to explain the rest to me, but as it turns out, Peter murders Brian, and he goes to an alternate universe's heaven, where God has been overthrown by Matthew Ryder (Crossover's Rule!), and asks him to save his daughter. Matt does, and everything is all hunky dory after that. Oh yeah, everyone misses Brian, but is that really worth mentioning?

Labours Of Love has been crossed over to some degree. Rose made a very short appearance in Meg's Family, and was mentioned in The Spellbook. Bhaal has yet to mention this story in any crossover of his own.

All in all, I though Labours Of Love was, not bad, but difficult. It can be hard to follow at times, as well as being an 'off the wall' story that you need to read several times to get everything in it. Many people have stated that they liked it, and I can easily see why they would, but I didn't. I hope, Haylias, that you manage to clean up your formatting of your paragraphes, and that might just make the story easier to follow. Spereate dialouge from each other, and stop uploading underlined chapters. Other than that, the story is okay, and I hope I can get back into it later.

Material 


	4. Whispering Illusion

Whispering Illusion 1 and 2

Now, this one has been in my list of reviews for a while. Not only is Whispering Illusion a nice break from the standard Family Guy fics, but it is realistic and uncensored. The story is another Meg/OC fic, but it does things differently than most other fics. Unlike Meg's Family, there is little emphasis placed on most of the Griffin Family. The story usually centers around three family members, Matthew Ryder, Jaina Ryder, and Meg Griffin/Ryder. Unlike The Spellbook, there is much more emphasis placed on off-the-wall hunor and action.

The plot starts with Meg's old friend from Elementary School, Matthew Ryder. At the start of the series, Matthew dressed in black Jeans, a blood red T shirt, and a black anarack. Of course, Meg and Matt quickly restart their friendship, it having ended after Matt had moved, and become as close as they had been. Of course, this being Bhaalspawn, Matt is killed in a gunfight trying to save Meg's life. This was later revealed that it was a plot masterminded by Stewie. Matt returns in the sequel, as Meg's Guardian Angel. Now, unlike with the Spellbook, Meg's Family, or Labours of Love, I actually sat down with Bhaal and asked him about several things he had not yet explained.

First of all, let's start with Matt's powers. Matt has unusually strong powers for a Guardian Angel, and Bhaal stated that this was due to his experimentation with them. Most Angels take the powers they start with, and run with them. Matt experimented with several different mechanics to create devastating and destructive powers, such as using telekineses to manipulate static electricity in the air to fire electricity from his fingertips. Matt also has a strange personality, the fact being that there are several. One moment he is caring and compassionate, and at other moments he can be nutty. In contrast of these two, at really intense moments he is cold and sadistic. This seems to be the Family Guy representation of Dissassociative Identity Disorder, but what the fuck right? It works and leaves plenty of options available for chapters.

Whispering Illusion is rather different from the other two Meg/OC fics, that being it's a lot more realistic. For one, there's none of the annoying (bleep) bullshit that litters Meg's Family and The Spellbook. Swear words are completley uncensored, and that can be fun at times. There are many chapters where it's good to hear the characters get off a good 'what the fuck?' Rather than 'what the f(bleep)ck?' My guess is, however, that Bhaal may censor the more serious profanity in later chapters, if there even is any. Matt seems to be the only one to swear though, or at least the one who does it most. There are many times where he will substitute 'hell' with 'fuck'.

The humor is great...at times. There are some jokes that are just priceless, but it never carries further than a cutaway, not that there's anything wrong with that. The book is good anyway, and Bhaal doesn't seem worried about making people laugh. This is the mark of a good writer who doesn't need to resort to crude humor to make an artistic statement, unlike Meg's Family, or Meg's Boyfriend, which are nothing but crude humor, but they're fun to read anyway. Bhaal's format works for his characters, though. It is mostly just a book with varying genres. Some chapters are cool and dramatic, some are lightweight and nutty, and others are action packed fight scenes (which are the best in my opinion). And there are, like I said, no annoying bleep noises...oh wait. There is one...a little one, but that's a cardinal sin...guess I have to hate it now. Yeah that works, FUCK YOU BHAALSPAWN!

I kid though...

I do have a few points to critisize. Some of the humor is just downright innapropriate, even for Family Guy. I'll pause so you can all find your socks that just blew off. Many jokes have such innuendo that it really should warrant an M rating, including, but not limited to:

"All I have to do is close my eyes and suck it from a hose!"

That was just disgusting, as well as a stolen line. While the joke itself was funny, Bhaal could have worded this differently to still be funny. The assassination joke was also a little iffy, as well as the fact that Bhaal could have been arrested for it had he been living in the United States. So while Bhaal makes good humor at times, some of his jokes are just tasteless.

One of Bhaal's gimmicks, and perhaps the most interesting, is that he has been using a spell that views the future to lay down an Stewie/Jaina pairing. While there are some people who may think that this is wrong beyond all reason (Cough-SoldierofsorrowandKarraa-COUGH), it actually works. This pairing is not one for much humor, and it seems to be simply romantic fluff that makes you say 'Awww'. One of the best things about this story is the floating Genre. Each chapter has a different genre, some are funny, some are action packed, and some are angsty dramas. And that's a winning formula. It means that you can use many diffrent plot devices and chapter ideas without going too far off the beaten path.

Whispering Illusion has only been crossed over once. In one of the later chapters of Meg's Family, Jaina was mentioned after her name was found on the speeddial of Maddie's cell phone. There was also some kind of story behind it, but it is unclear wether or not Malcolm is intending to pursue this.

All in all, Whispering Illusion looks to be the work of someone who read Meg's Family, and The Spellbook, and then wrote his own story using the best formats of both, and elaving out some of the more negative qualities. While the book has it's own faults, like the overshadowing characters and the innapropriate humor, it's actually really good. I wish the best of luck to Bhaalspawn, and hope all his chapters in the future are the same cornerstone of great storytelling that they have been so far.

Material.


	5. FG Fiction Through The Ages

Family Guy Fanfiction Through The Ages

We are currently living in the "Age of Meg" if Ander Arias is to be believed, and I thought it would be a good time to go through some of the previous Ages of FG fanfiction just for the amusement of all.

So let's start with the Age of Various Drabble. Some of the first Fanfics on this category were of various concepts, that all had one thing in common. They were incredibly short. Most of them were about Stewie, yet some were focused on other family members. Most of these never went outside the canon, and rarely went past 1000 words. Not much else is known about this age, but what the fuck right? It was a fun Age to live in, and left a number of people with something to read.

The second Age was the Age of Stewie. Much like the first Age, most of the sotries cantered around Stewie. There were a few really good fics in this age, but like all ages, much of the content was pointless crap that nobody really liked. The Age of Stewie seemed to be nothing more than a vain attempt to hop onto the Stewie bandwagon. Ther is also not much to say about it, just like the First Age.

The third Age was the Age of Sue-thors. There were various stories all under the same heading, fangirls and fanboys doing self inserts. There were some, like the Brian/Cat fics, or Stewie/Oc fics, and there were several others, but my point is that almost everything around here was a Mary Sue creation. The last reference of this age was in Meg's Boyfriend, when a little girl named Mary Sue took over for Maddie in the Griffin family.

The fourth Age, and perhaps the most annoying, was the Age of Stewie/Brian. Yes, it seemed Stewie was dominating another Age, where most of the stories were about Stewie and Brian hooking up in a Gay/Beatiality/Pedophilia trend that everyone seemed to like for some bizzare reason. The fourth Agne was perhaps the most crappy, where oneshots overshadopwed some of the actual good ones. Like all ages, much of the content was crap, while some really good stoies shone out in the darkness.

Which brings us to the fifth and current age, The Age Of Meg. It is unclear as to what started this age. Some people like to say that it was because of Soldier Of Sorrow, after he had reviewed and flamed two really good stories, but other people have a different opinion. I'd have to say that it was a collaborative effort made by Malcolm Fox, Ander Aries, and Bhaalspawn. They are currently the biggest Meg/Oc writers on this media, in face the only one. Not to mention that Meg's Boyfirend/Family, The Spellbook, and Whispering Illusion are the longest stories here. These treasure troves of storytelling sparked several spin offs, as well as really bad peices of shit that just make you want to hate Meg all over again. The Age of Meg could also be called the Age of Feedback Fics, as several people, like Soldier of Sorrow, Myself, Haylias, and 123lealea all started ourn own fics that took apart either specific stories, or the tredns in stories altogether. Although I hate to toot my own horn, I'd say that me and Haylias are the most popular feedback writers.

All in all, the Age of Meg brings several new concepts to the table, such as the ever popular Meg/OC pairing, Meg/Brian, and Meg/Kevin, althought the last one isn't all that popular. It is becoming easy to see that Meg is quickly overtaking Stewie as the most popular character on FG fanfiction.

Well, I hope you enjoyed this little adventure in history. I thank you for your undivided attention throughout this little lesson. Now get out before you start pissing me off...YES YOU! ESPECIALLY YOU ALEX!

(That probably isn't your name but it was worth it just to mess with the heads of all the Alex's in the world)

Material 


	6. A Missing Friend

A Missing Friend...

So...it seems that our good friend Bhaalspawn has been locked out of his account. This seems like a dick move to me, as he's perhaps the most entertaining guy in the forums. Now, before you go and say: Oh who cares, he's just another fic writer, it's not our buisness, let me say this.

When we needed a laugh on the forum, who would say something random and funny? When we were all talking about the funny Stewie/Maddie innuendo that Malcolm was hinting, who took it a step further and showed us what it would be like if Stewie did fall for his neice? Who entertained us like hell with his rant on Mary Sues? Who updates every week so we can always look forward to something interesting to read without having to wait a month for Malcolm and Ander to make up their minds?Who made that hilarious Mailbag Showdown a few months back? And who always leaves a review for every chapter of every story he reads? If it wern't for him, many stories would be without feedback.

So I guess what I'm trying to strain out, like an uncomfortable kidney stone, is this request: If any of you possibly know how he got locked out of his account, could you possibly tell me so I can help him get his account back?

~Material~ 


	7. Popular Authors

Popular Authors

So, there have been several authors who have been dancing a merry jig along this category for a good while now. All of them seem to be promising, and I have decided to take some time to profile them all and display their faults and strengths in my trademark assanine manner...oh wait...I'm not assanine, that's Haylias.

So first up, let's start with Haylias.

Haylias has been most well known for his fic Labours Of Love, which I gave a good thrashing a few weeks back. It was not long after this that he changed the name to Brian's Dilema, and I was disapointed. I like the title and the quirky nature of the author. He is also well known for his new feedback series: The Rules of Family Guy Fanfiction, which I have had a lot of fun reading. Haylias has been known to use either actiony or dramatic tension in his stories, and rarely goes along the humor line, the exception being The Rules Of Family Guy Fanfiction. Despite getting the least traffic of some other popular writers, Haylias has remained a beacon of quality, and rarely, if ever, posts something completley awful.

Moving on to Malcolm Fox...

Malcolm Fox has quickly risen to be the most famous FG fiction writer on this site, as well has having the two longest stories here. His pinnacle would be Meg's Family, which is a beacon of humor and wacky antics in an ocean of crappy fanfiction that floods the front page these days. I have also read Pushed Too Far, and I have to say, that it was completly awesome. It is almost impossible to say anything bad about Malcolm, but I'm sure if I look hard enough, I'll find something. Malcolm has become the model that every FG fiction writer has used to judge wether their fanfic is good or not. The massive amount of traffic he gets, along with the praise and domination of disscussion on the forums has left him walking through the streets, kicking dust in the eyes of anyone who tries to knock him off his perch. (You know who you are, you two.)

Moving on, lets explore Mr Semaj...

Mr Semaj...well, I don't know a lot about him, except that he wrote the very good The Rich Little Poor Girl. It was very good, and was one of the few remaining fanfics to still follow the Meg/Kevin it's kind of content is rare to find, it's still a great refresher to Meg fans. Mr Semaj seems to be more famous of Deviant Art, where he has a reputation of being the best artist there. In fact, he is so well respected there that there is little else to say that isn't just pointing out the obvious. So let's move on to someone else, shall we?

Loessar...

...Oh wait, Loessar hasn't posted a damn thing. He's just a Forum Bitch (No offense intended) who makes requests and submits chapter ideas to the three Virtual Seasons that plauge the Front Page. Sorry about that people. Hehehehehehehe.

Ander Arias...

Ander Arias, everyone's second favorite spainiard in the world, is kind of a new guy to this game. He has posted The Spellbook, a Meg's Family clone, and it has also risen to be a dominator in the traffic. He has posted little else, or at least, as far as we know. He also runs his own forum that quickly rose to be the third most popular in terms of traffic. He seems to be a respected member of the community, and there is not much in terms of critisizm that can be said about him...oh wait, he is a little touchy when it comes to Meg Bashing, but he can be forgiven for that.

Bhaalspawn...

Bhaalspawn seems to be like the little brother of Ander and Malcolm. He tails behind them with his own fic, despite being on this site longer than most of the authors here. His Meg's Family Clone, Whispering Illusion, get's much less traffic compared to Ander and Malcolm. Yet, despite all of this, he is quickly known for surpassing them on many occassions. He seems to specialize in dramatic moments, and high energy, bombastic fight sequences. He doesn't put much of an emphasis on humor, and only throws it in there as an easter egg. That's good, it means that readers never know where he's going to go next, as oposed to Malcolm, who has become predictable in terms of using obvious humor, or Ander, who you can usually guess is going to make a movie or pop culture reference. Despite not having as many fans as Malcolm and Ander, he makes up for it qith surperb quality, despite having sometimes innapropraite humor. Shine on you crazy diamond!

Soldier Of Sorrow...

Not really popular, as more of hated. He is a flamer who seems to be mimicing Yahtzee, only without all the humor to go with it. Soldier is an arrogant jackass who deserves to suffocate on his own stool sample. And if he ever bugs you, just blatently insult him on the internet...you know, kind of like what I'm doing right now.

Well, thank you. Next time, I'll make another awards show. 


	8. Awards For 2008 and 2009

**Awards for 2008/2009**

(Nominations will be highlighted in Italics)

Okay, I know I did this a couple of months back, but I don't care. I have all sorts of awards to give out. If you feel the need to, you can post these awards on your profile page if it's that important to you. There are good awards, and bad awards. But just to mix things up, let's start with the bad ones because they're more fun.

_**The Bad Awards for 2008/2009**_

Okay, so nearing the end of 2008, we were hit with a bad case of the _rip offs_. But, as well, many of the good stories had their shortcomings as well. So i've decided to do what only a jerk like Soldier Of Sorrow would do, and flesh them out like a pus infected wound.

**Stupidest Character**

So there are many nominations for this award. _Lucifer_ is one to flesh out. He never seems to do anything, and just seems to be a humor device. _Rose_ also should get a mention. Nothing is more annoying than a hybrid, and this one was just infuriating. Did she inherit any human appearance at all? But the awards would have to go to _Xanatos Ryder_, also known as a bad rip off of Xemnas. This guy was just over the top, cheesy, and idiotic. Congratulations goes to Bhaalspawn, as soon as somebody wakes him up.

**Least Entertaining Chapter**

_Warzone_ was a good contender for this one, but then I remembered that Bhaal put a Dragonforce song in the background, so he can be forgiven for that. _Adult Human Ninja Griffins_ is also a strong contender, as I just couldn't finish that one when i reached the halfway point. But the award would have to go to _Wizzing On Oz_. Just perhaps the strangest and boring chapter I have ever read. Gratz Malcolm, you really dissapointed me at that point.

**Most Innapropriate Joke**

"And he said all I have to do is close my eyes and suck it from a hose," Jaina said.

**Worst Flashback**

I could say all the nominations for this award, but I wont. I've decided to award Worst Flashback to _Malcolm Fox_ for his _Pushing Meg In Front Of A Speeding Bus _Flashback.

**Fic That Just Won't Die**

_Labours Of Love, _now renamed _Brian's Dilema_.

**Biggest Mary Sue**

Many people may assume I'm going to give _Matthew Ryder _this award, but then I realized that Bhaal actually did the Mary Sue well. He is immensly powerful, but it works. It's humorous and sometimes entertaining to see him knock someone three hundred feet into the air. And it's good. Leaping four hundred times your own height, rotating the planet using telkinesis, and deflecting bullets with a shortsword is great fun. Yeah he overshadows all the other characters, but that's what a **protagonist** is supposed to do, no matter what media you're using. Anyway, I've decided to award Biggest Mary Sue to...well..._Mary Sue_. Gratz Malcolm, I hope you use her in many other gags.

**Most Overdone Cliche**

If your fic has any Stewie/Brian gay jokes in it, you've already won this award.

**Most Racially Tense Joke**

The _Gir Gag_ in _Whispering Illusion 2_ was a hot contender for this award, having been disqualified for being removed from the story. So I spent the next little while tying to find another racist joke in a fic, but had trouble finding any. So I have to thank Malcolm for throwing in the _Respected AND Feared _joke. Shine on you crazy diamond.

**Biggest Dissapointment**

Some of you may be confused as to why these bad awards are going mostly to Malcolm and Bhaal, because in my reviews of their fics, I may have actually called them brilliant. While I do think they are, there are many flaws in both their stories, and I decided to smack them both across the face with an iron shovel. Anyway, I've decided to award Biggest Dissapointment to _The Spellbook _for _Happy Green Christmas_. Just a bad chapter, but hey, we're all prone to abject failure once in a while, am I right?

**Biggest Rip Off**

So many rip offs in the alst couple of years. There are so many candidates for this award, and so many people who could have won. But the winner of Biggest Rip Off is none other than _Megs BoyfriendGreat story _by _mama007_. Not much else to say here. So let's move on shall we?

_**The Good Awards for 2008/2009**_

So now that we've left the abject failure in the dust, and smacked it across the face with a sackful of bricks a few times, Let's turn to the other side and give credit where credit is due.

**Greatest Spin Off**

There were really only two spin offs lately. _High School Confidential _by _diablo666_, and _The Witch's Test's _by _snake screamer._ It is pretty hard to decide which one was better, but I would have to go with _High School Confidential, _as it was funny and a very accurate spin off. Congratz Diablo.

**Best Two Parter**

There were really only three two parters that could be nominated for this category. _Be Careful What You Dream For_,_ Darkness Of The Unknown_,and, _Mighty Murdocks_ were the only chapters that were good enough to even be considered for this award. It's hard to choose any one of them. _Mighty Murdocks_ has a lot of good humor and wacky antics, plus it takes heroism and slaps it across the face with an iron hammer. _Be Careful What You Dream For _also has a good amount of humor, as well as some of the most off the wall dialogue I have ever seen. And, of course, _Darkness Of The Unknown_ is the best in terms of fiery climactic showdowns. So, in show of my indecisiveness, I've decided to award Best Two Parter to all three of them. Congratz guys.

**Biggest Achievement**

There's really only one person that this award can go to. Ander Arias. He started out _The Spellbook _with a very basic knowledge of the English launguage, and it showed in his first couple of chapters. But, over the months, his English has improved greatly, and is nearly flawless. That is why I have decided to award Biggest Achievement to him. Writing in a language other than your first language is the hardest thing anyone could possibly do. Congratz Ander, you've earned it.

**Best Original Character**

While I would love to list all the candidates for this award, I'll just skip to the winner. And...IT'S A TIE! _Rosie Kennedy _and _Jaina Ryder _tied for this award for being both supernatural, and all around fun to read. I especially like all the incesteous innuendo that Jaina has with Stewie, as well as Rosie's display of her powers.

**Best Fanart**

Okay, I know I'm getting off the subject of fanfiction, but this deserves a mention. The award would have to go to _Meg Griffin SK _by _14-bis_. It was just all around perfection in a drawing I have ever seen. Also, I really should mention this, but her nose actually looked like a nose, rather than the fanart by Mr Semaj or Malcolm Fox where her nose just looks like a pointed plate jutting out from the front of her face.

**Funniest Joke**

_The Incredible Sulk _in _Whispering Illusion 2_

**Best Story**

Well well well. It's really hard to say what the best story would have been. Most people would be expecting me to give it to Malcolm, Ander, or Bhaal, but sadly that is not the case. There have been many good stories, some better than others, and there have been several people who can win this award. So rather than give it to a single person, I've decided to list the Top Ten Stories on this site.

**1. **_Meg's Family_

**2. **_Whispering Illusion 2_

**3. **_Meg's Boyfriend_

**4. **_The Spellbook_

**5. **_Meg Apparition_

**6. **_The Rich Little Poor Girl_

**7. **_Whispering Illusion_

**8. **_Pushed Too Far_

**9. **_Attack Of The 100 Foot Meg Griffin_

**10. **_The Farce Unleashed_

If any of you have been paying attention, you may have noticed that all these stories star the same canon charcter. Meg is just a beacon of great quality, even though many of her stories are crap, but the good ones just shine out like a diamond among a pile of antelope shit.


	9. OC Rundown

_**OC Rundown**_

Lately, many pepole seem to be asking the same question: Who is the best written OC in Family Guy fanfiction. The answer is simple, but rather than give a simple answer, I'll just flesh out each OC until you can see every cancerous mole on their bodies, then let you choose for yourself. It will be the same OC's that I reviewed in my first submission, so I hope you're ready to do some donuts on memory lane.

So let's start with the children

**Maddie Murdock**

So it sems Maddie is still holding the title of the mold that all other OC children are modeled after, and it shows with her amazing character development and comical banter. Maddie seems to be a female version of Stewie, being just as conniving and just as vulgar. The only difference is that Maddie lacks an obssessive matricide fetish, and the obscure attraction to the family dog that's just so infuriating that it makes me want to punch the nearest small child.

Maddie is the narmal for children in this media, her half sisters being unstoppable supernatural beings that requires the whole US army to take down, but Malcolm has done her so well. This is the proof that you don't need to give a little girl powers to make her interesting, you just have to make her cuss with every fifth word and fill all her situations with sexual, violent and incesteous banter. Maddie is also very strange when it comes to typical toddler behaivour. She has a love of Batman, rather than hip cocking sluts like Miley Cyrus, and she also hates other toddler traits, like My little Pony, so you can at least appreciate her for having some form of a brain.

Maddie, like the other children, replaces Brian in the forms of Stewie's best friend, which is great to see. Although the gay and bestiality innuendo between Stewie and Brian is still there with agonizing frequency, but if you want innuendo that isn't overused, that's what Bhaal is for. Maddie also seems to dress like a man when she and Stewie try to infiltrate places, which is kinda weird. Whi don't Stewie and maddie wear disguises that match their genders? I guess unfunny things tend to go with the funny things. Oh yeah, and Maddie, despite all her knowledge of the world around her, doesn't seem to get that her best friend is in love with her, but now I'm just nitpicking.

All in all, Maddie is not really someone you can describe with detail, because you kind of have to be there, or have been part of the creation process, to understand completely. Even though she is the most prominent character in her story, she is still rather obscure. She seems to shift from a cute little girl, to a teenage bitch with an almost audible clunk, like she's being voiced and played by several different people...or she is several people, in which case Meg and Zack need to take her to see a doctor.

Anyway, in conclusion, Maddie is a typical character for Family Guy, and fits in so well with the rest of the cast...especially Stewie. If you have a love of strict canon personalities that borders on the fetishistic, then you'd really like Maddie. For people who are into a little more depth for character developement, all you'll really see is the humor, which I guess is all Malcolm want's you to see.

**Rosie Kennedy**

Well, I have been thinking about Rosie for a bit, but I can't really decide if she's a good character or not. Like her father, Rosie has had a subplot or two, but other than that, she's a back character. Sher does have magical powers, though, so there is more to talk about. Rosie's powers have been developed and flesh out. Rosie has gained several attack powers, along with a few defense powers. She still has no healing powers, which i still think would be great. But all in all, Rosie's powers seem to be for trivial purposes only, which is weird because the book she got her powers from was written by a group of sadistic tyrants, but what the fuck Ander, we'll do it your way.

Rosie does tend to suffer a bit from being the middle child. While Maddie is the cornerstone of humor and snarky comebacks, and Jaina is the cornerstone of a cute and adorable little girl that you just want to squeeze to death, Rosie tends to have a good balance in the middle...not that that's a bad thing when you think about it. Rosie's powers could take away from her personality in later chapters, but that's just my guess. Because Rosie hasn't been in the story for the same number of chapters as Maddie or Jaina, her development is a little muddled, so I will have to come back to Rosie after several more chapters have been submitted. Ander, remind me to do this later on down the road.

**Jaina Ryder**

Despite not having as much traffic as the other OC children, Jaina has managed to keep up with the competition. In fact, if Rosie hadn't been powered up in her last fight with Miriam, Jaina would have been the sole OC Of The Year. I've gone to Bhaal's DeviantArt account, and I can easily say that Jaina is the cutest of the girls, and despite not having the same number of adoring fans, she has some of the best character development I've ever seen in a book. Exactly how interesting is it that a newborn baby can form complex opinions about homosexuality, incest and bestiality? Well this is Family Guy, so I'd have been surprised if she hadn't. Jaina also has a large array of powers at her diposal, which is weird because Bhaal stated after she was born that her powers would have been diluted. But I guess that when you father is as ultimately powerful as Matthew Ryder, even diluted is enough to crush stars.

Some may say that Jaina's powers are a little too strong, usually whenever a fight breaks out as that's the only time she ever shows off any powers, but in retrospect I think it works. Jaina has strong powers, but also has many weaknesses. Matt's healing spells don't work on her for one, and she can't cast healing spells of her own. For two, she is far more suseptible to injury than most people. I don't really know where Bhaal is going to go with Jaina. She seems to have a bit of everything. For the most part, she's a cute and cuddly little girl that even a hardcore street tough can't help but love, but at times she pulls a Maddie and becomes a smart, wisecracking smartass that Stewie just wants to throw into a woodchipper.

Speaking of Stewie, Bhaal seemed to notice the slight incesteous innuendo between Stewie and Maddie, and said "Hey, let's take it up a notch" and put a full scale romance between Stewie and Jaina, even having them get married in the future. Bhaal managed to take something as dodgy as incest, and do it well. Bhaal seems to be able to take many things and do them well...if he has a little help of course. In conclusion, before I start tearing apart the adults, Jaina is perhaps, not the best written OC, but one of the most impressive.

Well anyway, time to go to the OC's everyone wants to hear about.

**Zack Murdock**

Okay, so chances are you already know everything there is to know about Zack, if you've even been remotely connected to decent FG fanfiction in the last two years. But if you're someone who doesn't like good fics (i.e. A Stewie/Brian fan) then this should give you a decent rundown on him.

Personality wise, Zack is pretty standard to most Family Guy characters. He's wisecracking, funny, and just all around the kind of person I would not want to be friends with in real life. Okay, so maybe he isn't like most Family Guy characters, as he's neither fat, retarded, or steroetypical. When we first meet Zack, we have absolutely no clue as to where he's going in terms of development, but after Meg's Boyfriend gave up tying chapters together, he became rather predictable. Zack, being Meg's husband, is very overprotective and very easily angered. But that works. That's the formula that made Meg OCs great was their defending of her and their quick temper. Zack is easily the mold that most Family Guy OCs are modeled after...except Matthew Ryder obviously. Despite all of this ripping off, Zack still remains the best written OC, even if he doesn't dominate every OC category.

Zack is not really high on Mary Sue lists, due to his balance and his multitude of development possibilties. Zack isn't really an OC you can say much about, as he's really just a skinny retread of Peter and Quagmire, but still, he's fun to read an just all around a general character. This is the story you read if you want to see the life of ordinary people...or as ordinary as you can get.

**Matthew Kennedy**

Matthew Kennedy, like his daughter, does suffer from being a middle child. This is also proven due to his lack of screen time compared to Murdock and Ryder. At first I thought this was due to Ander being completley in love with the canon, but in hindsight, I may have to look at this from a different angle.

Matt seems to be the kind of character that Ander is still trying to decide where to go with him. His personality os still a little fuzzy, but that may be because Ander hasn't chosen a concrete personality for him. Despite what I may have said before, I don't think Matt is a bad character due to his lack of screen time. You can have a character rarely appear, and still give them a personality. Seth has proven that with Meg. But Ander still hasn't decided on a solid direction for Matt to go. This may get difficult down the road, and the longer he waits, the less interested critics like me may get. Despite all this, there are many good things I can say about Matt.

Matt still puts up a lot of the fight in the OC war, and it shows. He is generally not really needed for the plotline to go wherever it's going, and most of his lines is him responding to another charcter's line or joke...usually at the point where you don't want him to. Matt also hasn't really done anything really romantic with Meg, but neither have Zack or Matt Ryder lately. Maybe the ommission of a Valentines Day chapter kind of ruined that somewhat, but hey, there's still time before Easter where you can still do one. Like I said in my review of the Spellbook, all of the OC stories are centering more and more around the children, leaving the main OCs to fester in the dust.

Matt's flaws have been fleshed out about as much as his strengths...by that I mean they are almost totally nonexistent. It seems that Matt is neither a Mary Sue or an Anti Sue, but rather a neutral character. Which is good in some sens of the word, but is ultimately hard to grasp...like coming up with analogies for this character when my big book of analogies is missing. Matt also has a deep love for his wife, which is good... like... something good...that's made of chocolate.

Anyway, even though Kennedy is not really the kind of character that will live on through the ages, I still think that the Spellbook is the best story on this media. Yeah I know many people think it's not funny to love a foriegner's story, but fuck you! The Spellbook is great, and if you don't think so you must be stupid!

**Matthew Ryder**

Well there's so much to say about Matthew Ryder, that I don't know where to begin. Let's start with his unusual appearance. Matt dresses and looks like a cross between Darth Vader (When he was still totally badass, before the gay suit and everything) and Aragorn. He also carries two longswords around with him, and unusual weapon choice when machine guns are availible. Unlike Murdock or Kennedy, Matt is clearly the protagonist of Whispering Illusion, and it's shown very clearly.

I might as well take down the biggest thing that follows Matt. Everyone says Matt is the biggest Mary Sue to walk this earth, and I hate that. Sure, Matt's incredibly powerful, but so is Superman and everyone seems to love him. Yeah Matt has most of the chapters center around him, but who cares? The story is still funny and a cornerstone (I've really been using that word a lot today haven't I?) of great storytelling. It also means that Bhaal's story has more depth than Meg's Family or The Spellbook. There's character history, backstory, as well as a lot of conflict. Bhaal took every cliche of a Mary Sue, mostly the bad ones, and made a good character out of them, which was really unexpected. He is perhaps the first person to do the Mary Sue well.

It seems to me that Bhaal made Matt a Mary Sue on purpose. Probably becuase, since he did the Mary Sue so well, he gets to turn to all the other Mary Sue writers and give them a smug "I did better than you" look, before poking them and making small giggles. If it weren't for the fact that Matt is strangely open minded, off the wall, and a little racist, he would have been my OC of the year. While Zack Murdock is the most well written, and Matthew Kennedy is the most versatile, it is clear that Matthew Ryder is the most impressive OC of them all. Matt is also a clear protagonist. It seems Bhaal didn't want to balance all the characters, probably out of some fear of plagurism, and set out to have a set group of characters that he focused on, and the works, you know? That's the formula that made Bhaal's previous stories great.

Matt's flaws include, and by that I mean consist entirely of, psychological flaws. Matt has a very quick temper to rival Darth Vader (Again, before the gay suit) and a sense of humor to rival the Joker. Matt also has a strange emo fetish, which I'm guessing is Bhaal's way of compensating for something. Matt also has a very strange weakness. If he's disarmed and taken away from his sword, he is nearly powerless. Which is strange at first, but it's also ahrd to overuse, unlike in Smallville where the villans just break out the kryptonite every five minutes.

All in all, the fact that Matt is so well developed, and that fact that I was part of the design team, he was easy to write a review for. Like Zack and Kennedy, he is very good, as well as having his flaws. Some people may say that I'm favoring Bhaal's OCs, but the reality is that they are just so impressive and well done. Matt and Jaina are like video games with top of the line graphics. Just so pretty and nice to look at that you can avoid any bad design choices because it's just so nice.

Anyway, to conclude, all the OC's are well written, and perhaps any of them will cause me to rethink my choice of OC of the year...except Zack Murdock obviously.

~Ask me how long it's been since my last positive contribution to society~

~Material~


	10. Canon Character Rundown

**Canon Character Rundown**

Okay, so once again, at the request of Ander Arias I have decided to do a little rundown of the canon characters and how they've been used in the recent FG Fanfiction. If you guys were holding out for Part 2 of my OC Rundown, well, it'll be up next time...if I don't get any more damn requests.

Well, let's just get the fucker over with.

**Peter Griffin**

Okay, so everyone's favorite retarded jackass has been used for little else besides humor on this site. While he remains the protagonist of his own show, he is merely a gag tool to be used by the more creative people. Usually, author's take advantage of Peter's stupidity and his arrogance to drive a gag, usually ending with someone biting his nipples off.

On the other hand, Peter had a bit of a dramatic moment in Brian's Dilema, where he became a murderous, hateful, and jealous bastard, but sadly, it didn't work. I'm sorry to Haylias, but that was just bad characterization. Brian's Dilema was more of a dramatic story, which was surprising because Haylias himself is a nutty and hilarious person, who Malcolm, Ander and Bhaal could take lessons from.

Action wise, Peter rarely fights outside of Chicken Fights, something I hate to no end, and doesn't have anything remotely interesting, other than his stupidity. Peter strikes me as a rather lazy character. He has no real personality, he's just an idiot that someone has to clean up after. We have a word for people like that in my town, we call them autistic.

**Lois Griffin**

On reflection, I may be on to something here. Lois is rarely seen in Fanfiction when it comes to her being the central character. She's more of a moderator to other fanfics, usually being the voice of reason to an OC, or a responsible mother figure to the other characters. I really see Lois as the kind of mother that you have to appreciate. Yeah sure, she's Pro Choice and does a number of other questionable thigs, but since when have you seen a Family Guy Character that is a shining beacon of responsibility?

Lois is usually paired with Brian in stories centered around her, but these stories tend to meander off of her and focus on Brian, or their eventual children. I really feel that Lois has really gotten shafted in the character development department. Fortunately, like Meg, you can go any direction you want with her and nobody will complain about her being Out Of Character. So maybe this gives the idea that Lois was specifically designed for Fanfic writers, and not for use in the actual show.

All in all, I like Lois. She's kind, resposible, a little kinky, and funny when she appears. She's really the straight woman of the show (ironic huh?) and works the same way as Brian does. Not really much else to say here, so let's move on shall we?

**Stewie Griffin**

Ugh, I postively hate this character. He was funny in the first few seasons, but that was when they had a good balance between Evil and Gay. Now, he's flaming more than a forest in the dry season. I just have to point this out. When Stewie was a matricidal evil genius, his voice reflected it, but when he made the transition to a homosexual, annoying nerd that no one would honestly admit to liking, his voice became somewhat deeper and more dopey. Watch an episode from the first few seasons, then watch one from the current season and you'll notice the change in voice.

Fanfiction-wise, Stewie is rarely seen outside of the ever-infuriating Stewie/Brian category, however, he sometimes takes other adventures. Stewie's fics consist mostly of "Road To" fics, Stewie/Brian slash fics, Stewie killing Lois fics, and several others. Stewie is easily the biggest cliche character, being that you can only expect so much from him in a fic. Oh yes, there's the occasional rebel author who will do something different with him, saying FUCK YOU CLICHES! Then he runs around slapping himself in the face for a bit before he sits down to write his genius.

Either way, Stewie is not really the kind of character I would like to read about. He's just so overdone, being the Family Guy character with the second largest fanbase, and there's really nothing else you can do with him that hasn't been done.

**Chris Griffin**

Uh...there hasn't really been any fics centering around Chris...or at least none that have any depth. Most Chris fics are abandoned about one or two chapters in, so there's nothing you can do with them. The good thing about Chris is that because he's had such little development in the show, you can do anything you want with him. One of the funny things about Chris in the show, is that he holds small incesteous attractions to his relatives, stating that Lois and Meg were hot in two different episodes.

_Lois: Well Chris, if you have a note, read it to the class._

_Chris: I think Mrs Griffin is hot._

_Lois: Go to your room._

_Peter: Chris can I see you in the kitchen for a second?_

_(Peter and Chris head into the kitchen to whisper about Meg's work on Handi-Quacks)_

_Peter: Okay, this is not working out._

_Chris: Dad, she's trying, she get's along with everybody._

_Peter: She does not get along with everybody._

_Chris: Well, she's kinda hot._

_Peter: She's office hot._

_Chris: You're right._

_Peter: It's because she's the only woman around._

_  
Chris: Yeah, I'd do her, but in the real world she doesn't hold up._

So that's kind of funny, and it's good to see that someone other than Kevin thinks Meg is good looking...even if it is her little brother, but then again, I think we've all had a hot sister at some point, am I right?

Anyway, although nobody has taken advantage of Chris's versatility, it would be a good change to see besides the piles upon piles of Stewie, Meg and Brian bullcrap that's been plaguing the front page lately. The problem is that most of it is bullcrap, which tears away from the actual good ones.

**Megan Griffin**

Depite being the punching bag of the show, Meg has the largest fanbase in Family Guy. Everyone always feels sorry for the cute, helpless girl who gets shafted by everyone else. Some people like to say that the biggest cliche in Meg fiction is her being paired up with an OC. What the fuck? I could understand it being cliche if there were 50 of them, but there are 389 stories in this category, and only 3 use the Meg/OC pairing. Please, stop saying it's cliche. It's still an original concept. Although, funnily enough, Meg fiction didn't become immensly popular until Meg's Family, The Spellbook, and Whispering Illusion came along, so maybe the fanboys are onto something.

What is actually the biggest cliche in Meg Fiction, is her being paired with Kevin Swanson, which is a pairing I never understood. Kevin stopped speaking in the show after the third season, and we haven't seen him since. You'd think the fanboys would get off this piece of crap, because it doesn't go anywhere. I mean, you can't have them get married, you risk being called out for ripping off the Big Three...okay, next episode, I'm going to have a better group name for Bhaal, Malcolm and Ander, and everyone had better like it.

All in all, Meg has quickly risen to be the most popular character in Family guy fanfiction, and I hope she's proud of herself. I bet that Mila kunis, at this very moment, is looking over at Seth and making smug preening noises.

**Brian Griffin**

Brian is also a victim of what I like to call "Obsessive Fanboy Rage Syndrome" (that's "Religon Syndrome" in places where they don't have fanboys). One of the biggest symptoms of OFRS is having a few plot ideas that people are to scared to venture away from. Brian's fics include mostly Lois/Brian pairings, Stewie/Brian pairings, or Brian/Anthromorphic Mary Sue pairings.

The few cases where Brian was taken away from these categories was in the three Virtual Seasons (Episodic Fics) where he was explored in several new and intuitive ways. Brian is, and has always been, a support character. He's there to provide advice, or assistance to other chracters, and little else. The one time where a Brian cliche was done well, was in Brian's Dilema, which sadly didn't make my top ten list. While I didn't like the story, and I'm quick to remind everyone of that, I had to admit that it was very well written, and I hope Haylias picks it up again.

So that concluded this painful exploration into canon characters. I would like to ask any onf you in the future to think about topics for me to do before you submit them, becuase this was just a two hour assault on my creativity.

_Future Episodes include:_

_OC Rundown: Part 2_

_Review: Meg Apparition_

_Review: Family Guy Fan Journey (Indie Adventure Game)_

**(Not necessarily in that order)**

~Determined to make all writers feel bad about themselves~

~Material~


	11. OC Rundown: Part 2

_**OC Rundown Part 2**_

Okay, so it seems the first part of my OC Rundown may have sparked a little one sidedness in some people. This wasn't even on my list of things to do anyway. Bhaal delivered a message from Ander, saying that he wanted me to do this, because he had given Matthew Kennedy more development. Well I'm sorry, but one episode is hardly my idea of new development.

Anyway, it's time to run down the next list of OC's on my list. Also, please note that since these characters are not protagonists, it may be more difficult to give massive paragraphs describing them, so expect it to be shorter.

**Rose Griffin**

Ugh...I really can't connect with Rose. She's just another hybrid that only fanboys fawn over, and it seems that haylias had been thinking of no one else when he wrote this character. Rose is yet another child of Lois and Brian, which also leads me to wonder exactly how many hybrid children there are anyway, and personality wise she's like a cross between her nymphomaniac mother, and her self rightious father. I can't really say much about Rose, party because as you'll call from my review of LoL, I couldn't get too far into the story before my nipples exploded just to add a little variety.

What I can gather is only what I read. Rose has a strong love for her mother, even going up against a gun weilding Stewie, barehanded. She also has a tendancy to be almost completley silent during a tense situation...which is good, the last thing you want from a character is for them to start soliloquizing before they're about to bite it...of course they were rescued in a crossover gag, so it kinda fucks that up a bit.

**Tilly/CJ Murdock**

Well, these two are about as opposite as opposites get without being evil twins. Tilly, which I'm still wondering where the fuck her name came from, is a supergenius like Stewie, while her brother CJ is like his parents to a T. He's more retarded than his grandfather and father combined, and it shows...though he does have a tendacy to show random spurts of intelligence, so maybe he's an Autisitc Savant.

While Tilly spends all of her time doing research and experimentation, CJ spends most of his time being an actual kid. I don't really see what the whole Point was with Stewie and Bertram. They aren't really funny, nor realistic. CJ is the perfect example of a normal child. Someone that you could actually teach something to, without a backlash of smartass comments. It is obvious that CJ is the kind of character people can grow to connect with.

Tilly on the other hand, has the worst combination of traits you could possibly imagine: Intelligent and Feministic. This would not be so bad if they were seperate, but since they are both in the same character it kind of makes me uncomfortable. I never got along with the kind of women who keep saying that women are equal to men, but what they really want is a role reversal. Men to be slaves while women run the world. This kind of goes against the whole idea of equality, but anyway back to Tilly. She's also incredibly smart, but since she's only one, it makes her a little bratty and egotistical. All in all, while Tilly is a character that I can't easily place, she does bring something new and interesting to the field.

**Valarie Murdock**

Okay, how cool is it to be related to a hippie? I envy Zack and Jillian. For one, she's not as much of a smartass as her son, nor as much of a ditz as her daughter. Valarie is the kind of woman that anyone can get along with. She's quirky, well read, and speaks her mind to the point where she makes sense, but not to the point where it just pisses everyone off. At the episode where she was about to get married, I literally slapped my face at the fact that her dress was tye dyed, because my brother suggested his bride do that, and he had his nuts hung from a flagpole.

Really though, if I could trade my mother for someone like Valarie, I'd do it in a heartbeat. She's just so awesome, and she's not overused. She appears frequently, but she usually has a support role that is funny to see and leaves you with a sense of satisfaction at what you read. The only way Malcolm could ruin this character is if he made her a main character.

**Ayumu**

Okay, if Liana could PM me a pronouciation for this guys name, it would be appreaciated. Anyway, there's a little to say about Ayumu. Totally Japanese sounding name aside, Ayumu looks to be more of a guide rather than a character that plays a role in the plot of Meg Apparition. However, I can safely say that he will either become corrputed and Meg will have to defeat him at some point, or he will attack Meg as some sort of test for her Ghost powers. EIther way, I hope to see more of this character, and hope he'll play more of a direct role later on in the story.

**Sophie Kennedy**

Alright, Sophie. Sophie was a good character earlier in the Spellbook. She was a little girl who acted as Stewie's sidekick. However, once Rosie was born, she was cast aside. This was maybe due to the fact that Ander wanted a support character for Stewie, but didn't want to rush the daughter's birth, like Bhaal did. I missed Sophie after she dissappeared, and kept begging in my mind to see her again. Apparently, Ander heard this call, and she reappeared in "The Little Megmaid". It seems that Sophie is going down the route of Stewie's Love Interest. Apparantly after seeing the success Bhaal had with his Stewie/Jaina incest thing, Ander wanted to grab his share of the limelight too, so he threw in Sophie to woo Stewie.

This is fine, you know? This is the formula that makes these stories great. But stop me if any of this sounds familiar. It seems that American culture has to throw a love interest into everything. Even horror movies seem to have two characters being holed up in a basement waiting for the serial killer to come and rip their entrails out, and they announce their undying love for one another and kiss right before a gruesome and bloody death. Thankfully, being a Comedy, the Spellbook will never do something this stupid.

**Life**

Oh goody, another supernatural being. This isn't the sarcastic "Oh goody" either. I love supernatural beings and think they make a story great. Anyway, Life has been portrayed as the polar opposite of Death, being a being that delivers souls to newborn babies. What I like is, like every other Supernatural being, there's a magic word that turns her into a vile, evil harpy thing that is hell bent on killing anyone who had the balls to say that word. In this case, the word is "abortion".

There's not much to say about Life. She fits quite nicely together with the rest of the cast, and she's only appeared a few times. All you need to know is this: Supernatural beings can make or break a story. In this case, she makes it.

**Mayhem And Chaos**

Well first I have to start by saying...oh wait a second, I don't even know who these pepople are! Seriously! Who the fuck are they? I have never read a fic with characters with these names. So stop bitching about it and let it go.

**Alex Glenn**

Okay, I can't really say much about Alex Glenn. I only got so far into Brian's Dilema before I gave up out of sheer confusion. Okay, so maybe I'll have to come back to this guy.

**Miriam, Lorriane and Jeanne**

Three good looking witches...or at least Miriam is anyway, who only want world domination. What could go wrong with that? These witches are portrayed as sadistic, cruel and evil human beings. They want to destroy the Griffins for some reason, and have a knack for getting their asses handed to them despite all their power. Miriam is the leader, who didn't inherit any traits from her original host (by the way, I still think being an attention whore would be a great aspect to inherit.) She's a vile, unlikeable woman, and really the only thing I like about her is that she looks like Meg. Maybe that's what Ander was going for. You're not supposed to like the antagonist, and anyone who does must get added to the government depopulation list.

Lorraine is a little more interesting. She inherited Lois sex drive, or nymphomania as it's called in North America. She's also cruel and vile, and has a bizzare attraction to Peter. Okay, so maybe there's little in terms of personality diversity, but what the hell.

Jeanne is the last and youngest. She inherited Jilllian's stupidity, which turned her from sadistic and evil, to comically retarded. Jeanne is easily the funniest of the trio, and it shows.

So anyway, The three witches are funny and easily the best antagonists I've seen in a book.

**Karen And Jordon Smith**

Hmm...I wonder if they hold any relation to Stan Smith. Anyway, Karen and Jordon are Matthew Ryder's adoptive parents, and they were originally portrayed as hateful and abusive people. Apparently, Bhaal didn't want this to happen, so he cleared it up to them just being maipulative and evil. Karen reminds me a lot of Evelyn Harper from Two And A Half Men, which makes sense because that who Bhaal stated he wanted to voice her. Karen is a manipulative bitch who can twist any kind of achievement and make it into something bad. Although, it did seem that she held no opposition to Jaina and Stewie's marriage.

Jordon, on the other hand, could possibly be portrayed as a back character. All we have is the author's word for it that he's evil. He's never really had any dialogue, and he doesn't react to anything. Anyway, I hope to see more of them, and I hope that it get's interesting if Bhaal ever decides to kill them off.

**Xanatos Ryder**

Okay, my fingers are starting to hurt, so this is going to be the last one. So we have an incarnation of the evil twin cliche. Xanatos was the dark part of Matthew Ryder's soul, and he held a hatred towards him for trapping him in hisn soul for ineteen years...hmm, sorta like the whole Stewie hates Lois thing. So it seemed that Xanatos wasn't overpowered enough for Bhaal, so he gave him the ability to possess people and mind control them into a state of brutalic violence. But that's fine, but this is what's wrong. Xanatos possessed Meg, forcing Matt to fight her and "kill" her. Oh yeah, that's not a big Mary Sue cliche. The main protagonist is forced to kill thge one he loves. Oh well, the chapter was good anyway.

But the problem was, that Bhaal made it clear that he intended for Xanatos to be the main antagonist, like Miram or Lucifer. So with Xanatos, will obviously come Matt's new Spirit Merging forms. Oh well, I guess I'll just have top wait and see.

~Please don't tell me who Mayhem and Chaos are. I have long since ceased to care~

~Material~


	12. Universal Battles

**Universal Battles**

Well this is a first. I'm actually reviewing a video game. I've taken ripping off Yahtzee to a whole new level. Anyway, Universal Battles is a four part game written by Soldier Of Sorrow. The game takes place during the four longest stories on this section, and follows the adventures of Zack Murdock, Alex Glenn, Matthew Kennedy, and Matthew Ryder. Each character has his own type of gameplay and storline, which all comes together in the final level. So let me get through this.

This is an Internet aquired PS2 game. All I had to do was take the files and burn them onto a DVD. Then I just had to stick it in my playstation. Now, since I was boring enough to read the readme file, I was able to get a grasp on each character's play style before I began. So let's stat with the first level.

_**Zack Murdock (Third Person Shooter/Survival Horror)**_

Zack Murdock's storyline follows a battle with Lucifer, and plays like a Third Person Shooter. This works better than other TPS games, because you aim with crosshairs rather than Auto lock on. The biggest problem with the gameplay, though, is that you only have a shotgun and the accuarcy is terrible. The game also follows a Survival Horror genre, so the enemies are all in the dark and all resemble demons from hell. The game is actually quite frightening at times. There was one sequence where all the lights went out, my crosshairs dissappeared, and I could hear the sound of someone hissing and groaning. It was genuinly terrifying. But when i came to the first boss fight, all the horror was thrown out the window.

The first boss fight was pretty much, run around avoiding the attacks, and shoot at him whenever he takes a breath. This could be good against normal opponents, but not against giant demons from hell. The boss would spray the battlefield with acid that you had to dodge while you ran, and shooting at him at long distance with a shotgun was very hard to do. Things picked up, though, at the last boss fight against Lucifer. Lucifer would take it in turns to fly around and teleport around the room while shooting bolts of shadow at you. The only time you had an opening was when he would stop to laugh at you, but that was still ruined by the terrible accuracy of the shotgun. Fortunatley, you have the option to press R2 to reverse your grip and swing it like a club.

There isn't much of a story in this stage. The story is that Lucifer has kidnapped Maddie, and Zack has to rampage through hell to rescue her. The cutscenes are short, and easy to follow, and all in all, the game is good. The accuracy of the shotgun is a little hard to get past, but once you get the hang of it, everything becomes incredibly easy. When you do finally defeat Lucifer, you're given a short cutscene, dubbed with some of the best voice acting I've ever seen in an indie game, and you unlock some bonuses, including a Hard mode.

_**Alex Glenn (Action/Adventure)**_

Alex Glenn's levels are like a direct port of Ninja Gaiden. Alex is dressed in black leather ninja gear while weilding a katana and throwing shurikens. Combat is simple, press X for light attacks, Square for Heavy attacks, Circle to jump, and Triangle to throw a shuriken. The interesting thing, though, is that you can jump around the walls and ceiling to deliver fatal combos to your opponents. The story is merely Alex attempting to rescue his sister in law Rose. There are several cutscenes, but they don't really do much. The story is played out through the gameplay.

Blocking attacks is really hard to do. you don't just hold it down to block, you hit the button, and Alex will make a blocking guesture. Timing is everything, so people who have beaten Sephiroth on Kingdom Hearts 2 will get the hang of this. As for the rest of you, it may be a good idea just to make sure your opponents don't get in melee range.

There are several puzzles to get through the different areas that you track the kidnappers down in. There's a warehouse, a fortress, a subway tunnell, and some other ones that I can't really pinpoint, like a cross between a sewer and a pree school...oh what do you know, I could pinpoint. Things don't really pick up until the first boss, and that's a good three hours of gameplay. However, it's really just wait for him to attack, block or dodge, then bitchslap him a few times while he scratches his head. The difficulty comes from the final boss, which has several phases. You fight him in melee, then when he's had enough of a beating, he jumps to a high legde and throws stars at you. You really just need to block or dodge these, and wait for an opening, because one shuriken can knock him off his post and begin phase 1 again. On'ce he's below 20% health, he brings in several monsters to take some of the heat off him. These can be dealt with easily.

The boss fight are really fun to play, but everything outside of that amounts to just monster spamming grind. All in all though, the game is fun and the acrobatics can be worked into combat if you're good enough at sophisticated button mashing. It's the kind of game you should be into if you enjoy endless repetition.

_**Matthew Kennedy (Action)**_

Funnily enough, I thought Kennedy was going to be the most fun. The story is simialr to the others, someone being kidnapped. Only this time, it's Lois and Sophie who've been kidnapped, and it's up to Matt and Rosie to save the day. Matt is the playable character for most of the game, but you get Rosie later on.

Controls are interesting. Left Analog stick to move, Right for the camera. Pressing X will jump. What get's interesting is the attacks. Circle is a block attack, but unlike one I've ever seen. Matt uses the Spellbook to put a barrier around himself for a few seconds, so it's like timed blocking, but mixes in a little normal blocking.

Pressing Square will fire a weak bolt from the book, which is supposed to be used meraly for keeping the enemy at bay. Holding R1 will turn tha face buttons into shortcut butons with different spells. You only start off with Fireball and Lightning Bolt, but they're effective. You only get a limited amount of magical energy, but when it runs out, it just starts recharging. That's what the bolt is for. Later on, you get an Area Of Effect Ice spell, and a blast of Shaodw energy that knocks opponents back. You also have the option to a healing spell and a Decoy spell that puts enemies to atacking it rather than you.

This is a game where combat is focused on ranged. If the enemy get's to close to you, you can push them back with your Bolt spell. If there are a large number of enemies in front of you, Lightning bolt can jump to other enemies, and Shadow Blast hits a number of people in front of you, but you should always watch how much Mana you have.

As is suspected, the Three Witches are the bosses. Jeanne is first. She fights with Ice spells, so her attacks are icicle bolts, a Blizzard spell, as well as a spell that roots you in place. Lorraine attacks with Fire, while Miriam, the final boss, uses Shadow spells. In these boss fights, keeping on the move and spamming whever spell they're weak against, (Jeanne: Fire, Lorraine: Lightning, Miriam: Ice) Keeping your health up is a difficult task, but once you get the hang of blocking, dodging and attacking, it becomes much less so.

One Miriam is defeated, she possesses Corvette's body, and you take control of Rosie. Rosie fires bolts at a rapid rate, and has access to more powerful versions of Fireball and Lightning Bolt. Playing as Rosie is incredibly easy, and it's all a matter of having enough patience to watch Miriam's health slowly inch down.

Once you finsh the story though, you get a little messagesaying how much you rock, then you're taken back to the character select screen, where the last one is finally unlocked.

_**Matthew Ryder (Action/RPG)**_

It seems that Matt is what the whole storyline is culminating into. Like the big finale. But first, let's start with the gameplay.

Playing as Matt is a hell of a lot of fun, mostly because it's open world gameplay. When you start a level, all you're given is a location to go to where there is a goal or a boss. However, on the way you're attacked by everything from gangs, police, the US army, and hellish beasts that rise up from the ground. Honestly, it's the beggest monster spam i've seen, and I've played Painkiller.

To make up for this difficulty, and probably to keep with canon, Matt is incredibly strong. He only has one melee attack button, but there are several combos open to him. You can lock onto enemies with L1, and if you keep tapping it every time a monster dies, you can dart back and forth between mobs. As in Kennedy's levels, holding R1 gives you spell options. The first spells available are as follows:

Chain Lightning: Holding the button with electrocute an enemy, but will drain Mana quickly.

Fireblast: Holding the button will emit a wave of flame from Matt's hand, burning all in it's wake, medum range.

Heal: What do you think it does?

Plasma Bolt: Rapidly tapping this button will make powerful bolt emit from Matt's hands, with massive damage and long range.

Holding R2 will lift a targeted enemy or vehicle into the air, where you can throw it, crush it, or do other terrible things to it. You just have to use your imagination.

There are several other powers too. My favorite was when I leapt up to attack a helicopter, and hit the X button. I did a furious dual sword combo, and the finisher was Matt spinning in the air, while his swords rampaged around him, destroying everything they touched. Awesome, I thought.

Another ground finisher has Matt flip over his enemies and blast them with Lightning. There are several others, which I probably shouldn't go into, because I don't have all day. Matt also has several acrobatic abilities. pressing Circle will propell Matt high into the air. pressing it again with make him spin around, while zooming off in the direction the Analog stick is pointing. Pressing Square to block is useless in the air, but pressing Triangle to dodge will have Matt do acrobatic flips and turns while avoiding any attack that comes his way.

Speaking of blocking, you have two options. Changing settings will allow you to hold the button down, or rapidly mash it, whichever you prefer. Matt can deflect anything in front of him, but even if he is hit by a sniper bullet, he doesn't lose much health.

Anyway, once you get finished with the sandbox mayhem and head to where you need to go, you fight several bosses throughout the course of the game. God, Evil Jaina, and Xanatos, in that order. God and Evil Jaina are easy to beat, depending on how well you manipulate the controls, but Xanatos is the hard one. This is definitley a boss that deserves the title of Final Boss. He has all the abilities you do, so that makes it difficult to defend yourself, but it also works well, becuase you know his entire moveset. If you're smart, you'll melee the whole fight, where it's harder for him to get a spell off. He attacks when you least expect it, and once he does, you need to be the one to break it, becuase he will not stop if you don't. Once you defeat him, a cinematic plays where you Merge with Meg and kick his ass some more, and oh hooray, the Cinematic is played through Quick Time Events.

Once you get through the unexpected QT event, all the playable characters joing together, and celebrate their victory.

_**Graphics**_

The grphics are rather elaborate. Many of the spells and abilities have massive amounts of particle effects and flashing. However, while this is not a problem in the first three storylines that take place in dark corridors and warehouses, it can be pretty blinding in the daytime city of Ryder's levels. It's also fun to notice that, while it's an indie game made by a few friends, it carries the quality of a game with a multmillion dollar budget.

_**Soundtrack**_

The soundtrack is also pretty good. Most of the levels are a mix in with heavy metal and epic orchestral music, ometimes there being a remix between the two.

_**Conclusion**_

So in retrospect, let me say this.

Zack's levels were survival horror at it's finest. It was hard to hit anything, but what the hell? If I'm not dreading combat, it's not horror anymore. It was fun to play as Zack because he would often put a funny line after a kill, and there were a lot of them, so it never got old.

Alex was some good linear levels, with refined combat and excellent delivery. Alex was also someone I could connect with, and that was fun to play.

Matthew Kennedy has some of the best spellcasting ever. It started out powerful, rather than in most games where the starting spells are crap. Matt also had a personality that was unique. We don't remember who we got to do the voice, but he did a really good job.

Matthew Ryder was obviously the most fun. It was sandbox mayhem at it's finest. There is really nothing more fun than destroying a country's whole army, but they just kept coming back for more. But I found it hard to connect with Matt because, like in his story, he's evil.

So all in all, I have to say Soldier, that it was a very fun game to play and I hope you're proud of yourself. I really hope you'll release it on your website, because I think this game more than makes up for the crappy Family Guy video game.

~Plays Buttom Mashing games Star Wars style~

~Material~

_**Okay okay, I know you're going to want to know who the voice cast was, so here it is.**_

_Matthew Ryder, Zack Murdock, Xanatos, Lucifer, Stewie Griffin: _Bhaalspawn

_Alex Glenn, Matthew Kennedy: _Battlebeef **(Oh, I guess I did remember who did the voice.)**

_Meg Griffin, Miriam, Maddie Murdock, Rosie Kennedy, Jaina Ryder: _Tanadra

_Rose Griffin: _Dreamofyou **(Not to be confused with Dreamofme)**

_Cody Murdock: _Material

_Lorraine, Jeanne: _Moristan

_Other Voices: _Other Guildmates


	13. A Good Man Is Hard To Find

**(**_**Please excuse me, because I'm using this reciew to get out all my ZP quotes**_**)**

**A Good Man Is Hard To Find**

My long time refusal to review anything under 20,000 words means that I've pretty much done all I can with my preffered genres of entertainment, and that beating on the Meg/OC half trend is going to make some people start the whining, so I've taken to checking out fics that I would never have considered until now.

Okay, so I picked up _AGMIHTF _because many people have stated it as being one of the two Stewie/Brian fics that were actually good. Only that's a lie, I actually picked it up because I was tired of people spamming my email begging me to review it. Now, if you all remember my previous remarks towards this pairing, I was expecting this fic to disgust me and make want to flame it to no end...the result? I was pleasantly surprised.

A major thing that turns me off Stewie/Brian, and most fics in general, is that they are totally unrealistic in the terms of romance. People are going to say at this point "Material, you ordinary person, why are you concerned about realism when you threw perfect scores to the Spellbook and Whispering Illusion?" I didn't say I wanted realism, I said I wanted realistic romance. A baby falling in love with a dog does not fit realism. That and it's just disgusting.

_AGMIHTF_, conversely, doesn't feature either of these aspects. It takes place in the future where Stewie is a grown man and Brian has been transformed into a human. I'm going to recount as much of the story as I can before my brain starts to hurt.

So it's the future, and Stewie is the leader of a massive weapons company, and he's finally come out of the closet. Brian also died when he was five years old, but he is reincarnated into a grown man. Interesting, and rather original. What makes the story unique, is that it's little more than fluff centered around half a plot. So Stewie quickly welcomes the now human Brian into his life, and he becomes Stewie's new roomate. Maybe a little fast paced, but what the hell. So several other things happen including Stewie's office being bombed, us finding out Stewie has AIDS, and several other interesting topics.

Like I said before, I like the Adult Human view that Gregor has taken for this fic, and the fluff isn't overly cheesy or annoying, like in the actual show. Though it's certainly far from perfect. The main problem I have with _AGMIHTF_ is that it's the same thing almost every other Stewie/Brian fic has been. Another attempt to rationalize the pairing that shouldn't be there. But I guess it all boils down to one question: Is it good?

Well yes, I suppose that it is. It's not the same format as the other Stewie/Brian fics take, which basically sums up to pointless fluff, big kiss, gay sex scene, then it all wrapping up. What I like most about it is that it's not a oneshot, and has a decent length. So I'll say the same thing about _AGMIHTF _that I say about Whispering Illusion, and The Spellbook, and World Of Warcraft.

As flawed as it is, try it anyway, because you will never experiance anything else like it. I liked it, and so will you if you can tolerate Male/Male slash fiction, which you probably can because most fanfic readers and writers are sweaty teenage girls.

~Okay, I did A Good man Is hard To Find, can I go back to indulging myself now?~

~Material~


	14. Pairings And Character Creation

**A/N: Okay, keep in mind that this chapter is me trying to be somewhat funny in a cynical, and negative manner. I'll try to make as many good points as I can, but don't blame me if I fall to cheap laughs.**

**Pairings/Character Roles**

Okay, so there have been many pairings over the years, and now seems like a good time to explain them all. But rather than do what I usually do, i.e crucify most of them, I've decided to take this time to be as objective as possible and-OH CHRIST! I can't go on. Of course I'm not going to be objective. What fun is there in that? Anyway, here goes.

_**Canon Pairings**_

**Stewie/Brian**

Stewie/Brian fics and me have an understanding. I don't read them and they can suck as much as they like somewhere far away from me. I figured if I wanted the experience that most Stewie/brian fics give, I'd just type Furry/Lolicon into the Google search bar. Over the months, there has been one exception to this rule. A Good Man Is Hard To Find. The main thing is that it makes Stewie into an adult and Brian into a human. That's a great formula. But I'm judgementally biased against the pairing itself because well...it's a fucking baby and a dog! What the hell was going through Seth's mind when he figured that this was okay? Of course, I don't really like reading M/M slash ficiton, mostly because I'm a teenage guy. I'll read about two girls going at it, but then who wouldn't?

**Stewie/OC**

Uh...yeah...I really haven't read any Stewie/OC stories so...yeah...

**Brian/Lois**

Okay, this one confuses me. Why is everyone so into Brian being paired with a human? Does everyone on this site have a Furry fetish or something? I'll never understand why Brian is so popular. If I met someone like him in real life, it would take all my self control not to flatten his adrogynous face with a chopping board. But even more interesting: Why Lois of all people? There's got to be someone that Brian would be better matched with. But there I go on my dreamy little tangents. Speaking of which...

**Meg/Brian**

No......just........................no.

**Meg/Kevin**

Here's another one that confuses me. Kevin left the series in Season 3, and hasn't been seen since. So why do people keep pairing him with Meg? They never even had an episode together. It's like pairing Stewie with Chris....................boy did that sound as dumb to you as it did to me?

**Meg/OC**

Despite having only four entries, Meg/OC has quickly become the most popular, and longest, pairing on this site. This is great territory for OC writers because by using the episodic format, they can create a compelling protagonist that would be a marvellous addition to the main cast...however there are people who laugh at this thought, even if it's just canon obsessed fanboys. The whole thing about Meg/OC is that the OC in question has to be likeable and genuinly realistic, ala Zack Murdock, but they also need to have a decent personality and be involved with the story as well, ala Matthew Ryder. Two of the Meg/OC writers have learned this, although to different degrees, and now all we need to do is hammer through the unbelievably thick skull of the third and away we go.

**Brian/Jillian**

Are there even any stories besides the Spellbook that use this pairing? Cause I sure haven't seen them.

_**Original Pairings**_

Okay, here's some of the OC pairings I've seen, and how they've been used.

**Maddie/Olivia**

Now this one's interesting. It's like a bad Disney cartoon...boy really narrowed it down didn't it? Olivia is in love with Maddie, but Maddie is to oblivious to even notice it. Could it be any more obvious though? Olivia is pretty much lighting herself on fire, that's how much she's flaming. Although in retrospect, maybe it's the whole 'confused sexuality' joke that Stewie's been built on the last couple of years.

**Stewie/Maddie**_ (Oh wait, I guess I have read some Stewie/OC parirings)_

Okay, I know some of you are going to say "Material, you Native American, how is this a pairing, it's only been a few jokes and maybe one decent chapter that used it." That's the point. A pairing is creted the second you make a joke or assumption about it. And given that it sparked the creation of one of the cutest pairings I've ever seen, I think it warrants a mention. It's just been harmless little jokes here and there, probably to joke about how little kids who are this close tend to think it's love, and not a sibling bond. It's not really a romantic pairing, but I like it. It's funny, it's not overused, and just all around intuitive. Hope to see more of these jokes in the future Malcolm.

**Stewie/Rosie**

Okay, again, not a real pairing, but like I said. A pairing is created once a joke or assumption is made. In this case, Bertram assumed Rosie was Stewie's girlfirend in _The Little Megmaid_,but somehow didn't disavow that assumption even after Stewie clearly stated she was his neice. Maybe this was a little fourth wall gag at some other writers, huh Ander? Let's not pay it any more attention, because like a small child putting a cat in the tumble dryer, that's exactly what it wants.

**Stewie/Jaina**

OKay this one's my favorite. What I like about this pairing is that it's controversal. Bhaal must be trying to give the question: "Is consentual incest wrong?" The answer? After reading this I'd say no. That's what I like about Bhaal's pairings is that they are almost always controversal. Let me do some donuts on memory lane here. A year back in the days of Animal Magnetism, Bhaal did a controversal series of the same name. There were two pairings in this. The first was a Human/Pokemon pairing. Surprisingly, this was the first one that that didn't consist of mostly porn. After that, it was a Human/Hybrid pairing. Bhaal's always been the king of controversy. If you haven't read Animal Magnetism, the what the fuck are you still doing here? Go read it.

So to steer this topic cow back on course, Stewie/Jaina has always been about controversy. Simple as that. It's about two kids, who are almost like siblings, developing crushes on each other. It's great to see Stewie in a heterosexual pairing, at least's Bhaal's trying to mix it up.

**Tilly/Knowledge**

Okay, I'm sorry. I couldn't help it.

OKay, I'm tempted to use the AdultFanfiction dot net pairings just to add some filler, but there's really not much I can say about them, so I'll just list them.

**Meg/Doug**

**Meg/Jeff**

**Lois/Meg**

**Lois/Chris**

**Lois/Stewie**

**Meg/Stewie**

**Chris/Meg**

**Peter/Meg**

**Brian/Meg**

**Chris/Brian**

**Peter/Brian**

**Lois/Joe**

**Quagmire/Lois**

**Meg/Maddie **_(Dude, when I saw this, I didn't believe it)_

**Meg/Future Maddie **_(Same with this one)_

That concludes my pairing rundown...now onto part 2!

_**Character Profiling**_

All books can aggre on one thing...the format. Most books...or should I say all of them, have the same group of characters: Protagonist, Antagonsit, Love Interest, Wacky ethnic support character who might as well paint a target on his face. So I figured, for any future Fic writers out there, I should give a basic guide to creating on OC for these roles. You can fill any of these roles with an OC, but you may not have much success in some areas.

**Protagonist**

Obvously, if you've been reading the fanfic forum, the Protagonist is not a friendly role for an OC in FG Fanfiction. While creating a compelling protagonist is easy and often works, not everyone is going to like you doing this. While most people are just fine with this, and can look past the characters and see the good story underneath, there's always going to be the one person on every website who'll shoot it down.

Interestingly enough, there are some fics where you can get away with using nothing but OCs. Warcraft, Pokemon, Final Fantasy, and Baldur's Gate being just a few of the most obvious suggestions. But if you're the gutsy, fuck establishm,ent kind of person, you can try to make an OC in this category. SO let's go with it.

The first thing you need is a name. Now the name is also the hardest thing to come up with. You could do what some people do, ie, a random name generator. Or, even better, go to a name meaning sight, type in the word that best describes your character, and it'll give you a name that fits it.

The second thing you need, is an appearance. If you can draw, this will make the appearance work well, and making lot's of concept art is fun. If you can't draw, just picture your charater and describe him accordingly. If you can't draw or write, just base him on your own appearance to save time.

The third thing you need is a concrete personality. Now, since it's important to write what you know, the main charcter will obviously be you. Take your own personality, or at least your own smug interpretation of it, and tweak it accordingly. If your personality is a hateful, fuck the world type, give your character a single thing to care about. If you love everything, give your character a very strong, single pet peeve. And of course, if you're a balance of both, give your character the opposite of you. Make him ggod at what your're bad at, and terrible at what you're good at.

Okay, so your protagonist is complete. I sure hope you weren't stupid enough to forget to decide on a gender. Now you need his pairing. Let's go with Family Guy fanfiction for now as a backbone, and say the Protagonist is a guy. This is also the point where you decide on his age. Now obviously, Meg is great territory for OC writers, but that's still a fresh topic, and we don't want it to become cliche. Lois is another option, but your character would have to fight through Peter, Brian, Quagmire and whoever else fawns over her.

Of course, here's a crazy though. A Jillian/OC fic. Imagine a fic that didn't focus on the main cast at all? But rather a support character that's been neglected? Of course, Jillian's getting married this season, so it kinda fucks that up a bit.

The last thing you need to do is decide your format and screen time. There are really only two formats to decide on. Continuing and Episodic. If it's Continuing, you can get away with almost anything in terms of focus. Next you need the screentime for your character.

Obviously Zack Murdock is a good example of a protagonist here, because he's involved in almost every plot, but it mixes in some Canon Characters too. Although, if you failed at the Personality section, you can always go for the Matthew Kennedy routine and give your character less screen time than Christopher Lee in the last Lord Of The Rings film. Then again, you can stick to the tradition of the Protagonist format and make him the central character, see Matthew Ryder. Neither of the last two are desired outcomes if you want an Episodic fic to be either good or last long. You don't want the character to be completley overshadowed by overused canon characters, but then again, hyperfocus can alienate fanboys. What I'm saying is that a decent middle ground is desired.

**Antagonist**

Antagonist's have little screen time...usually only when you want sopme kind of action in the story. There are four decent kinds of OC antagonists I can reference here. One from MB/F, one from Spellbook, and two from WI2. They are as follows, in order from 'least threatening', to 'Jesus Christ, hide for the hills'.

Miriam

Xanatos

Lucifer

(New Antagonist not yet Revealed)

It's pretty eaasy to make an Antagonist. You have two options. Leader, or Villian. The difference is, that a Leader is someone like Hitler. Nothing special about him, the only thing that makes him dangerous id the massive army at his control. The guy in control of the US Army is another example of a Leader type Antagonist, but then again, everyone in the US is either an asshole or a cowboy. Oh wait...some Canadians live there too.

Where was I? Anyway, Villian type Antagonists. These guys work alone, and usually have supernatural abilities at their disposal...either that or technology, and they usually enjoy seeing other people suffer. Stewie, Xanatos, Matthew Ryder, and Miriam are good examples of Villians. Ther personality is usually concrete with Villians. They have an ultimate goal, they are usually sadistic, and they have a set way of going about it. Either they follow strict rules of evil (Lawful Evil), they have no set rules, and manipulate and torture people (Neutral Evil) or they're simply out to cause as much mindless destruction as possible (Chaotic Evil, Street Gangsters). You can't really blame the Protagonist if he brutally murders anyone in the latter category.

Antagonists enrich any story, and the usual Antagonist in FG Fanfiction is Connie D'Mico.

**Love Interest**

Okay, just follow the Protagonist rules for the opposite gender, or pick a canon character you like.

**Wacky {Ethnic Optional} Support Character**

Anyone who doesn't have as much screen time as the Protagonist or the Love Interest.

_Obviously, two authors have proven that you can have a good story and balance the screen time, but it is a rarity when these types of stories succeed. It is usually the result of years of practise, or just luck.\_

~Voted Most Likely To Betray The Chinese~

~Material~


	15. Meg OC Retrospective

**Meg/OC Retrospective (The Final Bitchslap)**

**(I swear to god, this is the last time, at least for a while, that I'll do a chapter centering around this fandom pairing...but this has to be said.)**

Okay, so it seems my favoring of this pairing has earned me a little mistrust in some people. obviously some very dense people who can't pay attention long enough before they get distracted by Furry Fiction. Since the eternal question of what I consider a good fic is one that keeps my correspondednts up at night, I figured it was time to drool out some qualifying statements.

So halfway through 2006, an American author named Malcolm Fox published the first chapter of Meg's Boyfriend. Little did he know that it would spark the creation of two other fics that would be the leaders of this category for years to come. Anyway, the first number of chapters had a continuious plot that ended with Meg getting pregnant. Then, Malcolm spinned off into Meg's Baby, which I did not read because I hadn't gotten to this site in time. Anyway, upon merging Meg's Baby with Meg's Boyfriend, Malcolm dropped the semi continious plotline that I loved so much. All the chapters afterward were episodic, and rarely merged into the other chapters in any way. Let's not forget that the final chapters of the story were also dusted with Angst Powder, which may have not been the best move for it. Let's be kinder than flamers at the time, and say nothing else about it.

However, it was with good judgement that Malcolm cocked an ear in time to release the sequal, Meg's Family. Now, the chapters were longer than in it's predecessor, and the humor was much better (though nothing will beat "He spells fork with a 4!"). However, there was no sense of the plot going anywhere. It seemed to be for little more than Comedy, and anyone who asked for something otherwise would get added to the government depopulation list. Also, the addition of a super genius was a good touch, because it allowed more freedom for plot points. However, the lack of some kind of background plot diminished the quality somewhat. Which is a shame, because the jokes were funny and the cutaways were better than ever, but it just goes to show that the lack of a major key to fiction can kill it to reviewers.

Fortunately, another Author named Ander Arias rose up from the ground to release his first fic in English in the same format, and released The Spellbook. Now, right at the start, Ander introduced a plot point for introducing chapters by giving Meg a Spellbook, which might have been a bit of a nice surprise if it hadn't been given away in the FUCKING TITLE. Anyway, so far, I can see an underlying plot beneath the chapters, and the humor was good, however, the story wasn't centered around it completly. The cutaways were a little weak at first, but they grew to be more powerful and funny as the story went on.

Since I started reading it when it was already twenty chapters in, I got a quicker glance than most at the change in grammer and humor. The chapters were also barely readable to most people at first, but i managed to get around it...probably because I possess a clarvoyiant space brain. The Spellbook still sits on my top 5 list of all time, but it could have been better. Hint hint, my top 5 is not quite the same as the top 5 from my awards show. All in all, The Spellbook was great, but it still suffered because it didn't mesh as well with the working formats of Meg's Family. Also, the balance of characters didn't work out so well, especially with the inclusion of OCs. The fact that Ander gave them less screen time than...blah blah blah, we've all been here before...did make it seems a little cluttered...as if those characters were never actually needed, but just included to be more like Meg's Family.

However, all was not lost. A popular author from other fandoms submitted a short fic called Whispering Illusion. This was a great Romantic Drama, that ended in his signature move of the protagonist being killed off at the end. He made a reappearance in the Sequal though, called Whispering Illusion 2. On paper it looked like everything we hoped for. The charming humor and wacky antics of Meg's Family, combined with the refined storytelling of The Spellbook, but then a lot of things look good on paper. The main fact was that the characters reactions to many events came across as forced, and cynical...or maybe that's because they were standing next to the protagonist, Matthew, a person that even an advanced alien race that killed us all would seem boring next to. What I liked about the inclusion of a Guardian Angel (a Valkyrie since Chapter 29) is that it opened up new possibilities, including some inevitable God Bashing, which the other fics seemed to neglect.

Anyway, when the plotline turned episodic, I expected it to go about with Wacky humor, but that wasn't the case. Sure, humor is present and frequent, but there is the addition of Drama and Action that really enriches the storyline. It's a full story. A book, something you could see published. Not turned into actual episodes of Family Guy, because Seth could never master the subtle art of Dramatic Storytelling. Another thing that enriched the storyline was the emphasis on a Protagonist. Matthew Ryder is my example of a good protagonist. Matt is a snarky, arrogant dick in many chapters, but i don't dislike him because A: he's snarky while being humanly flawed, and B: If he ever really pisses you off, Bhaal reads your mind and beats him up a bit in the next chapter. But the humor was not as good as the other two, and neither was the plot points. Everything seemed to happen without something triggering it, with the exception of Road to Jaina.

All in all, the four fanfics had the ingrediants of the best fics ever. If only they were all somehow merged together by a talented third aprty, maybe it would be a legendary, diamond farting wonder. But ther I go on one of my dreamy little tangents. Anyway, they were all good, and each fic was better than the one before it, but they were all flawed enough to balance out to a decent middle ground. Now all we can hope is that the new chapters will be as good as the ones before them...and that my ass will sprout wings and fly me into space!

_1. ********** ******** *_

_2. *** *********_

_3. * **** *** ** **** ** ****_

_4. **** *********_

_5. *** ***** *********_

~Idfentify my top 5 fics and you could win my utter disgust!

~Material~


	16. Oneshots and Short Stories

_**Oneshots/Short Fics**_

People often ask me "Material, you WoW addicted fat guy! You have so much to say about the big fics on this site, but what about the oneshots?" Well, actually nobody's ever asked me that question. Mostly they ask retarded questions like "When am I going to review Lust, Affairs, and Love" like everyone and their dog. But the whole idea of oneshots is something that has eluded me for quite some time. I'll never understand how a single chapter story can get so many reviews. So I figured it was time to take this opprotunity to review some of the better oneshots anbd shorter fics that I have read. Take it away: Myself.

**The Encounter**

I know what you're thinking. "Ohh, Material's reviewing another Meg fic! What a major turn away from trends and popularity!" Fuck you buddy. I'll stop reading Meg fics when something actually good comes along on this damn page. Anyway, The Encounter is an M-Rated Meg fic, and what's intersting is that, for a while, it was the only M rated Romance fic on this page. This isn't something without plot...okay so it only has a half a plot. THe story centers around an Alternate universe, where Kevin meets Meg when she's working at...somewhere. This isn't really well explained to be honest. Anyway, Kevin asks her out, and then we timeskip five months to when Kevin asks her to marry him. Now, here's something that eludes me. Why does Kevin ask his girlfriend to marry him after only five months? That seems a little hasty if you ask me. Anyway, they then do it for the first time, which is really detailed to be honest...which kind of disturbs me.

Anyway, after their hot and heavy sex scene, They tell their parents the news that they're getting married, and they all cheer. After the wedding, though, Meg get's kidnapped and raped by Quagmire, but Kevin comes to her rescue. Then, after all of this crap has happened, Meg becomes pregnant from her little fun with Kevin, and the story ends. That's all there is. It's difficult to tell from a story this short, but I feel that I'm missing something from it.

I do have to admit that the story is well written, but The Encounter does have the same problem that a lot of Family Guy stories do. Dialogue is cluttered in chunky paragraphs, rather than seperated based on who's talking. This is something that really bothers me, as I can never tell who's speaking at first glance. But really, the story was well written, and it at least kept me interested to not hit the back button. It only stands out in the area of juvenile porn, so take this a a reccomendation if you like seeing cartoon characters going at it.

**Faith Toleration**

So it seems that someone felt that one of the better Season 7 episodes wasn't good enough, so they opted to change it. Well, fine, I don't really care that much. Anyway, Faith Toleration is an alternate ending to Not All Dogs Go To Heaven. The whole point is that Brian, instead of making Meg come to her senses, decides to accept her dangerous, obsessive Christian behaivor. Of course, this not actually being Family Guy, Meg still realises that what she is doing is wrong, and still goes back to her old Secular self.

I really don't know what this story was supposed to achieve. The whole thing about Brian accepting Meg's religion goes against the whole concept of Atheism. I liked Brian's line in the episode where he said "I just can't stand people hating and killing each other over what they're too stupid to understand" because that really explains Christianity. There are some religons, like Paganism and Bhuddism, that are taught to respect people of other faiths, but really, those good religions are very rare.

Several people have said that it was better than the actual ending to the episode, but I don't buy that. Many people seem to be saying that Family Guy is crap and it's not good anymore, yet they still watch it and write fanfiction on it. I just don't get it. If it's going to come to the point where we're re-writing episodes, then this site will quickly go downhill.

**Time To Shine**

Ahh, a nice peice of angst to break up the usual fecal water slides of pathetic humor. Time To Shine takes place in the future, and centeres around Lois angsting about her life. She complains about her children, and how they never really appreciated her. About her husband, and how...well I think you get the idea. And she goes on stage, and lets out a scream, before having a heart attack and being loaded into an ambulance.

The emotion of this oneshot is really strong, and I can't help but like it. This isn't like two out of the three Virtual Seasons, where the characters fail to show any really strong emotions. This is powerful, poetic stuff. There's not really much I can say about it, as it's so criminally short, but still, it's really good, and I can't help but give it my full reccomendation.

**The Farce Unleashed**

Now this is pretty good. One thing I like about the Farce Unleashed is that it keeps in step with the movie, rather than belittling it and turning it into a few cheap and tasteless laughs, like Blue harvest did. The casting is also very good. Let me point out something. Somebody, I won't say whom, did their own casting of the Clone Wars, and cast Peter as Anakin and Lois as Padme. What the hell man? Just because Peter and Lois are married doesn't mean that they have to always play the main roles. If you remove OCs, I think Kevin would make a good Anakin, because you can characterize him any way you wish.

Oh The Farce Unleashed isn't totally wihtout humor. Most of the jokes are one-liners that go to the casted character's actual personality, and there are a few cutaways inserted here and there. But Humor isn't really the point of the story. It's more of a rewrite, but using characters that Bhaal's audience can connect with. Bhaal has stated that the last half of the story centers more around the video game rather than the movie, and I really think that could work. It would be awesome to see Matt cut down Cleveland in a fiery duel, and maybe it would be cool to see Matt put Zack and Maddie into an armlock and slit their throats.

Either way, I like the tone of the fic. As I said earlier, it keeps in step with the movie, and I may do a full review on it down the road.

**This Is Not Another Review Fic**

I guess the tile fits, because it's not reviews persay, but rather a discussion between two characters. I still think me and Ander should do a crossover chapter at some point. I like the subsequent chapters, because the first one was more of a charcter rundown. The other two chapters talked more about the story, and really delved into the depths of the book. However, Ander has so far reviewed either cliches or episodic joke bins. I would really like to see him review something with some actual depth, like AGMIHTF, WI2, or LAAF (If any of you can translate all those acronyms, then you need to get out more).

Ander has true potential in how to write a decent review, he just needs a bit of tutoring from the other two review fic writers...well, actually, Haylias has gone down the illiterate troll route, from the looks of the last ROFGFF. So I just need to sit down with Ander to help him refine his technique. Sorry if I sound arrogant, but shut up, it works.

**Dingo And The Baby**

Yeah, I got about twenty words into this one before I just clicked the X on my browser window a thousand times...even after the window had already closed.

_So that concludes this. I hope you enjoyed me finally reviewing some oneshots and short stories. Maybe I'll do this more often._

~Fill the review section with ignorance and bile~

~Material~


	17. The Yellow Box

**The Yellow Box**

What with most of the fics I've read in the last couple of months being totally terrible, I packaged three, rather short, fics into what I like to call The Yellow Box (You know, like to Orange Box). Anyway, you may have all read this fic, especially if you're Malcolm, Bhaal and Haylias fans. Anyway, you may not like the content of these reviews, and you may want me to review other fics, but I want to review this and I'm going to, so if you don't like it, you cal just close your eyes, cover your ears and pretend I'm reviewing Lust Affairs and Love or something.

_**Pushed Too Far**_

Now, Horror is not really something I read a lot of. I'm more into Drama/Action, but Pushed Too Far was really good in my opinion. The story follows Meg, like most of the really good fics do, but it follows a different concept. Rather than Meg killing herself, or getting married and evening out the hatred, she decided to kill her own father. Now, as far as revenge goes, that's a little extreme. I mean, I'm not much of a Peter fan, but even he doesn't deserve to die.

Anyway, the plot is criminally short, maybe some more chapters of what happens after the police get there, or her getting caught, would really enrich the storyline, but I guess that wasn't the case. Despite the quality of this fic, Malcolm remains to be a Comedian in my mind, someone who simply writes for cheap laughs, and little more. However, it is good to see that he can write something of another genre with little difficulty. There's really not much else to say about it. So I'll leave with the note that this story gets a very strong reccomendation. But really, there's no point in that, because chances are you've already read it, reviewed it, and are now hiding outside my apartment wondering which window to break.

_**Whispering Illusion 1**_

I know what you're thinking. "Material, reviewing another Meg/OC fic? How different of him, and a great violation of trend! (Sarcastic laughter)." Well you smarmy cunt. When compared to it's artistic sequel, WI1 is really the mold that started the whole thing, and not many people seem to mention it at all...as if it was a mistake that seemed to blossom into sheer awesomeness. Anyway, WI1 had little humor in it, and was a very dramatic story. Yes, it followed the Meg/OC pairing, but they really didn't get together until it was too late. This was where a memorable character came into play, and revolutionized Family Guy completley.

Anyway, plotwise, the story is still pretty short, but it was almost long enough to warrant a full review. It follows a half plot, that centers around Meg meeting up with a former friend from elementary school. They soon rekindle their friendship, and Matt eventually asks her our. However, Bhaal's perverse glee bites him in the ass when the writer pulls his gimmick at the time, and kills him off. Now, the interesting thing about this is that, after reading the last chapter of WI2, I've come to the realization. Matthew Ryder is much like Lara Croft, in the fact that neither of them will ever JUST FUCKING DIE! Anyway, in the first story, Matt died a rather horrific, yet heroic death, but I really have to crucify something here. Bhaal made a huge mistake when he overplayed the romance on the last two chapters. When Matt was singing Aerosmith in his will, it just really sucked. I'm sorry Bhaal, but it was corny, obnoxioius, unnessecary, and some other mean words.

Anyway, besides the fact that the ending was a bastket of shit, the story was decent and the characters were well rounded enough to warrant a decent score in my mind. So if you're into this sort of thing, check it out. But that's just pointless, because if you're a WI2 fan you've already read the first one, unless you really don't get the whole 2 thing.

_**The Unofficial Family Guy Fiction Rules**_

I was being overly mean in my last chapter. ROFGFF was pretty good at first, but after reading the last chapter of it, it could've been better. This review is going to be pretty short, because there is not much I can say about it. Abyway, Haylias has taken to writing rules for any fanfic, and like many other FG fanfics, it's intended to be satirical. You're not really supposed to follow these trends, and I must say that there's more to review fics than what Haylias tells us. But anyway, the story could be decent if Haylias picks up the quality pen in the next couple of chapters, but really, I wouldn't reccomend it to anyone right now.

But you know what? Maybe all of fic writing is pointless. Just toying with the gravel on the big road of life. And let's not forget that the fic wars are all ultimately futile, because the best fic ever (Sinners, by Slash Firestorm) has already been written. But hey, at least there's humor and art.

~Tell me I was funnier before I took the artsy route~

~Material~


	18. Lust, Affairs and Love

Before I start this review, I would just like to make a statement. The main problem with reviewing the Virtual Seasons, is that you can't predict if it's going to stay good or bad. So in the distant future, probably after the summer, I'm gonna have to review them again, just to keep up to date. Sorry about that, er...yes, LAAF.

**Lust, Affairs, and Love (First Impressions)**

Well we knew it would have to happen sometime or another. If I was going to traverse new ground, I can't just hang around the slash fics and oneshots. I was going to have to step into Lois/Brian territory. Let me just summarize every Lois/Brian fic that has ever been written: (starts crying like a five year old child) also it involves Furry sex at some point. I just have to ask: why can't people leave bestiality alone? It's not something that's acceptable in today's society. It all boils down to this: It's not okay for a person to have sex with a dog, unless they themself are a dog. I don't care if Brian's anthromorphic or human-like, or how intelligent he is, he's still a FUCKING DOG! But now you get stories like Brian's Dilema, or The Spellbook, which not only pair Brian with a human, but also give them a puppy for a child. This is not okay on any level.

First impressions were bad. Let's get something straight people. Good mixture of description and dialogue. This is something LAAF seems to have trouble with. I can summarize this story in four words: TOO MANY MOTHERFUCKING WORDS! Sometimes you'd see several paragraphs of thoughts and feelings before the characters even spoke. I see this in books, and it seems like time just stops so that the characters can mentally soliloquize about every angsty thought that crosses their mind. Which brings me to my next point. The story just takes itself too seriously. Don't get me wrong, I've marked down a number of other stories that go way out of their way just to make a joke, but LAAF is just the opposite. I would have to compare it to Smallville. Every chapter is just one big, depressing grey-a-thon, with nothing to lighten the mood. Yes, I know that Brian is supposed to be severely troubled by the nature of the affair he's having with Lois, but you could get that across without being so depressing about it. The main thing, is that if something is too full of jokes, or way too serious, it kills the immersion.

What I'm saying is that I like fics where the humor and drama go hand in hand. Fics like Sinners have proven that humor/drama makes for great fun in reading (I promised myself I wouldn't mention WI2 at this point, because I figure if I suck that particular dick any harder I'm afraid it's going to drop off). But in most fics, the humor and drama are kept on either side of a raw-iron fence, made of tigers. Whenever I see the genre Romance/Drama, I just expect for the fic to be so depressing and unstimulating, that it kills the enjoyment of reading. Conversely, fics like MB/F and TSB are so chock full of jokes, that it defangs any possible storyline.

Oh LAAF isn't all bad. Some of the dialogue, that is when we finally see some, between Stewie and Brian does pave out the storyline, and I really like the analogy about life being like a book written in ink. That, and the fact that Brian has a steady friendship with Jillian is a nice change from the usual lineup of Meg/OC, Stewie/Brian and ASK fics. However, the sheer dark nature and the gritty seriousness of it all just makes LAAF not a working formula in my books.

Drama could be done well on it's own. Mind you, the absense of light heartedness will always cripple romantic dramas, but the good romantic drama will compensate for this with touching family moments, or a friend to be the voice of reason, but since we have established that LAAF is not a good romantic drama, none of these traits are present. When you break it down, LAAF is a fic that doesn't excel, and is about as fun to read as the manual for Baldur's Gate. Take this as obnoxious flame all you want, but if you're reading this right now, you obviously wanted my opinion.

~Never planning to come out of the Closet~

~Material~


	19. Meg Apparition

**Meg Apparition**

Once again, it's time to review an old fic I've actually liked...well okay, it's not exactly old, but you get the point. What's interesting about this fic, is that it's a crossover fic, which I have never read before. I was originally going to put this review on hold until the story was fleshed out a bit more, but it hasn't been updated in about a month, so here goes.

So MA is a Danny Phantom crossover, in which Meg, after being almost killed by her father, gains ghostly powers, as well as a new personality. We're introduced to a new male character who takes on the role of mentor, rather than boyfriend. An interesting twist, but at least it's original. But then again, that was kind of assumed, judging by the fact that Liana breaks the fourth wall several times to make jokes at Bhaal, Malcolm and Ander's expense.

(Have you ever noticed that when most people list the names of these three, Bhaal's name comes first? Why is that?)

Anyway, the new chracter, totally western looking person with totally japanese sounding name de-jour, Ayumu (pronounced _Ah-Yoo-Moo_, for you illiterate, street slang using thickies) has been seen on a few occasions to guide Meg through using her new powers. This has been the second fic that I've read where Meg gains magical powers, but it's introduced in a very compelling way. Unlike in TSB, Meg's powers are mostly combatant, which adds a bit of an action edge for action hungry people like me, and the learning curve for them takes much less time, unlike in TSB, where Meg has yet to find any offensive spells, even though the book was written by a trio of sadistic and evil witches (PLOT HOLE!).

Anyway, to rope this steer back on topic, we last saw Meg as she was journeying to Amity Park to find Danny Phantom, but not before having a tender, family moment with Lois, as well as getting back at Peter for almost killing her. That's as far as the story has gone so far. So that's about as far as I can review MA.

What I like about it so far, is that it makes jokes about everything. First of all, and this is what put it on my Top Ten list in my Awards Show, there's a cutaway where Meg completley obliterates all the Stewie/Brian fans. There's also a cutaway that explains Kevin's abscense, although this story must now be marked AU due to Stew-Roids. And there's a number of fourth wall jokes made at the expense of other noteable writers. A fic that features all these things simply cannot be critisized...it's against the law or something.

Well, since I'm always up for breaking the law when I have to, I will point out some of the massively long paragraphs. Really long paragraphs, while boring to read, are also extremely uncomfortable. Not only is it east to lose your place when you switch lines, but it's so time consuming, and it usually has no relevance to the plot.

I can understand using these descriptions sometimes, but using them for the good part of a chapter, which it does sometimes, kinda kills the immersion. If you really have to describe several things in detail, break up the paragraphs whenever the description moves to a different section, like when describing a person, use seperate paragraphs for the head, the face, the body, and the person in general. This makes shorter paragraphs, at greater comfort, as well as being much more immersive. You know, kind like what I'm doing right now.

Also, to make a point to my last review, make a good measure of description and dialogue. Don't just have a description, and telling us what the character is thinking, put some actual thoughts there, so we here it from the character himself. This adds dialogue to the story, while keeping up with the silent torment that a dramatic moment is supposed to ensue.

In terms of humor, don't go out of your way to make a joke. This is something Liana has grasped perfectly. If a joke is random, or really deviates from the plot, don't use it. Save it for later when it's more relavent. However, if I could just hammer this concept through the thick skulls of some other people (Ander Arias, Seth MacFarlane, Malcolm Fox) then maybe I would gain more respect as a critic. In MA, the jokes make sense, even the fourth wall jokes are made with great timing to the plot, such as when Meg was cradling Susie while she was in the hospital.

Finally, to my last segment on how this fic is of a good quality, is the action scenes. There has only been one decent action scene, but it's done well. You have a mixture of describing what the person is doing, as well as some of their thoughts if things are getting too tough for them...especially if they spot an environment hazard to use against their opponent. Also, for anyone who wants to make a fight scene, make it crucial to the plot, don't just throw it in randomly. The biggest thing that I hate from humorous fics is when that asanine chicken cuts in the middle of dialogue, and we see a good two pages of fighting before getting back to the plot. That is just filler, and it is unessecary. It is not a wise move to use filler. If it takes away from the plotline, and is merely used for parody or humorous purposes, then just avoid it, and take the shorter chapter.

So, in a quick summary, MA takes all of these aspects of what makes a well written fic, and does them well. It also has a good story. A fic can be well written, but have a bad storyline, or be terribly written, but have a good storyline. FIics that do both aspects well are really deserving of an artistic label. MA is absolutely sublime from start to finish. Sure, it has it's faults, but they're minor, and easily overlooked. So if you're into this sort of Supernatural thing, check it out.

~Keep going on about Coming Out, it only strengthens my resolve~

~Material~


	20. Mailbag Showdown

_**Mailbag Showdown**_

Funnily enough, I don't get irate hate-mail in most chapters, but throughout the entirety of this fic's existince, I've gotten critisizm and people disagreeing with me. Fair enough, I mean I can't force people to see fanfiction as the potential artform it could be. But now I figured it would be a good idea to sit down with some of my reviewers and perhaps take comment to some of the more valid arguments. Please keep in mind that this is meant to be satirical, so if you get offended...really, pull the stick out of your ass already. So without further ado: GO TEAM RETARD!

_**FreezeXtreme**_

**Ok...*counts to ten* I am not gonna be mean to you like I was with soldier of sorrow because you're a friend of a good friend of mine called Bhaalspawn. But I will say this...if you ever, EVER, say something bad about another good fic...I will not be this calm...do you understand?**

Are you threatening me? Are you threatening me? Look, I know that Texans are all intimidating, patriotic, gung-ho...stereotypical Americans but...you know what, forget it. I'm not going to dignify this with a response.

_**Haylias**_

**You know there are more OC's than just Ander's, Bhaal's and Foxie's stories, right? I think Mayhem and Chaos were worth a mention, but that's alright :P**

Okay, let's get something straight people. I never have, and I never will read Mayhem and Chaos. Aboslutely not. Just give up, and stop badgering me with it people. I have a set guideline of things I will not read, like all critics have. Yes Ander, you'll get a list too.

**My name is Alex. Oh shi-**

*Rubs hands together in an evil manner* Hehehe, now I know your name...MUAHAHAHAHA

**The paragraphing was a technical issue. And everything isn't hunky dory I decided to skip forward like a few months because I didn't want to write a "Bitch and Moan" chapter.**

Either than that, everything seems fine to me. Oh well Haylias, we'll do it your way.

_**Iron-Mantis**_

**  
dude i'm just going to say it, (THIS IS NOT A STORY!) don't get me wrong i like it but leave it in the forum, so please next time do that.**

Oh...uh...FREEDOM OF SPEECH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! *Runs away screaming.

_**Ander Arias**_

Oh this should be fun.

**However, I have some objections: Whispering Ilusion 2, the second to best story in this section?? No offense to you or Bhaal, but there are some stories much better (or more successful, for an objective point of view term if you prefer) than WH2.**

I wasn't really going by popularity or success here. If you've noticed, many games and movies that don't make millions of dollars, or have millions of fans, are much better than those that do. The thing is that WI2 mixes Humor with Drama for one, as well as doing something somewhat original with a format that seems based on ripping off everyone else. I would consider WI2, not a fic, but a work of art.

**(Yes, I know that all 10 stories featured Meg as the main character, but that doesn't mean that the rest of the stories deserve to be ignored)**

The fact that they all featured Meg was merely a coincidence.

**Also, I don't agree on the best OC award, despite I'm one of its winners. I'll say that the best OC is Zack Murdock, for reasons that I won't repeat again.**

Okay, when somebody makes an awards show, you don't have to agree with it...although the fact that you disagreed with an award you won seems perplexing. Just to reference something you said in the forums, when I say something like Powered Up, that's just my own retarded way of saying Fleshed Out. So...yeah.

Also, Zack Murdock can go dive under a tractor for all I care.

**It seems that no matter how hard I try in fleshing out Matt's traits, it never would be enough for you.**

No it won't.

**Seriously now, Material hates Stewie/Brian Fics and other similar fics even more than me,so don't expect him reviewing Stewie/Brian stories (gay or not).**

Thank you! Don't get me wrong, I don't hate gay fics. I just hate the whole baby and dog thing, and there are a lot of people who agree with me on this front. I have nothing against gay people, I mean, I'm gay and I just spent the last couple of months ranting about the world's favorite gay pairing, and that kinda strange.

**It's a shame that such a good character like Lois is being used so little. I guess that I have to remedy that in the near future.**

If you don't Bhaal sure will, the quirky little artist.

_**Mr Gregor Samsa**_

**You know, I agree. What in the world was Seth thinking when he shipped the whole Brian/Stewie thing? ...even if it wasn't a complete ship, he still went with it. For the laughs, what else?**

Uh...isn't that a bit of a conflict of interest on your part? You know...you writing a Stewie/Brian fic? Then again, you've written the only one that's acceptable. So i guess you deserve the title of Literary Artist, alongside Bhaalspawn and Slash Firestorm.

**I did read a Brian/Stewie fic that was them as a baby and a dog over at adultfanfiction**

EWWW! YOU SICK BASTARD!

_**XIII**_

** illusion 2**

spellbook

3.a good man is hard to find

boyfriend

farce unleashed

when is the utter disgust going to arrive as i got them all within 7 seconds

As soon as you leave a signed review that I can reply to...oh just you wait.

_**Loessar**_

**this is an interesting chapter. I'm also tired of the whole Brian and Lois pair and I'm glad that they stopped doing that. Lois is attractive but she is not THAT hot. I'm so sick of Brian wanting to have sex with human women. I hope that Seth turns things around and get Brian back into dogs again. You mentioned the Brian and Stewie pair. Its' sad that this is the only developed duo and that is not fair for the other characters. Come on!! A dog and a baby?!! I would love to see relationships between all six characters. I enjoy the relationships between Stewie and his three nieces better than he is with Brian. Stewie and Jania is unique because it shows Stewie in love with a girl even though it is his niece. I'm glad that Meg has a differant man in three differant fanfictions. Every one is differant in his own way. Keep it up.**

Okay, before I start. i like you. You leave detailed reviews to most of the stories you read, and you actually make a comment rather than saying "AWSUM CHAP! UPDAT SOON!". I really think you could have good success with a review fic. And you know I mean that, because up until today, I was becomeing certain that I'm the only person on earth whose brain works properly.

I'll admit, Stewie/Jaina is unique, and really good. It's not a full pairing. It's used much like Stewie/Brian on the show. Something that's hinted at, but never really explored, aside from an alternate future that we saw only three times. Bhaal could have really gone anywhere with it, but alas, due to Seth, he's abandoning the whole concept.

Yes, each Mg OC does have something different, and they're all good...well...for the most part.

_Well I hope you enjoyed this little adventure in comedic responses. Trust me, I'm not always going to do something purely for Comedy...I hate fics that go out of their way to make a joke. I apologize if I offended anybody, but...well, now you all know something personal about me. If you missed it, scroll back up to my response to Ander saying that I hate Stewie/Brian fics, and look very carefully._

~My Mom says I'm cool~

~Material~


	21. ReReview: The Spellbook

**Re-Review: The Spellbook**

Well, I guess since I can't find any decent fics I haven't already reviewed yet, I'll have to move up the schedule on the Re-Reviews. Also, to shut up all the people who complain about my reviewing format (all 1 of them) I would like to say that this revierw is entorely my opinion. If you don't want to hear it, then click your back button and go read something else. In re-reviewing The Spellbook, I feel a strong temtation to bitchslap the fic's biggest flaw. But since I always strive to challenge myself, I solemly vow to get through this entire review without making any reference to Matt's Screentime. So with that in mind, let's get rolling.

So the first few chapters of The Spellbook were snore-worthy bordem fests, and were strung together in a somewhat-continious format. Not to mention the massive number of spelling and grammer errors, but then again, these ones actually have a good excuse behind them, so I'll let that slide. I'll keep the summary of the story of the fic short, because I'm sure all you Meg-centric nerds already know. Meg get's a Spellbook that used to belong to a trio of deadly, yet attractive witches, and starts using it to make her life better. The Spellbook is a massive Meg's Family clone...make that the only Meg's Family clone. However, The Spellbook had a good way of using plot points, by introducing new spells that Peter would misuse, only to fuck his world up royally.

Being a Meg/OC fic, The Spellbook really seemed to be lacking in the OC department. No this is not a screentime reference! I promised I wouldn't do that! What I mean is that there isn't a clear personality in the OCs. Take Rosie for example. She, like Jaina Ryder, tends to flit schizophrenically back and forth between adorable little girl, super-cilious badass action girl (this is only used when she feels like showing off her powers), and straight woman. Also, the characters never seems to vent their frustrations, nothing like a halfway decent "FUCK YOU PETER!" as well as there being no real conflict.

You see, for a story to work, you need to have some kind of regular conflict, a gimmick of some sort. Family guy used the "Stewie killing Lois" gimmick as their conflict, and it was incredibly popular...that is until he was turned into a stereotypical gay guy that gave the rest of us a bad name. The Spellbook doesn't have a regular conflict, or rather any conflict at all. But oh well, it's funny, and does a little more than pointless humor, it's just a shame that all of it's attemps make me want to cough up blood.

Let's look at the biggest one, the one that made me spit out chunks of lung, the fucking hybrid mechanic. I don't care if you come from a land where everyone has a dog's head on a person's body, or from a planet of the Apes type world where everyone is a puppy, but human women giving birth to puppies is not okay! Why won't anyone believe me when I say Brian/human pairings are shit? I feel like that support character running around yelling "Brian's poo! Stop making fics for him!" but here we go again, with the god damn hybrids. In this story, Jillian gave birth to twins. One was a puppy, which as I just stated, is wrong on so many levels, and the other was a baby girl with blonde hair...uh...fuck...(taps head with fingers) where have I seen that before...AHA!

Anyway, species/hybrid buttfuck aside, The Spellbook is not really a fic that excels in the OC department. Ander has this horrible habit of introducing a character, then making them either a multi-personality character that confuses you, or is a boring, still, unreal person with all the warmth and emotion of a glass of water. It's male protagonist is a good place to start. Matt has been given several key points to his character, such as his talent with computers, and being able to build cathedrals out of matches. Nice work Ander, we're finally seeing some actual character development. But the biggest thing about Matt that pisses me off is his total lack of...uh...hair.

(Phew, that was a close one.)

Aside from Brian/Jillian, The Spellbook lacks an unusual pairing. You know, something either gay, zoophiliac, incestuous, or otherwise. You know, something you hint at, but never really explore. Meg's Family and WI2 do this, and they do it well. But really, I can't say I like a good portion of the mechanics fo the story.

Now, I know what you're saying. "Material, you confusing faggot! If you have so much to complain about the story, but it's on your list of top 5 fics of all time." Well that's a good point. I guess I've danced around the shittiness pile long enough, so let's dig around the other dirt pile of the good bits.

For all it's faults, The Spellbook can really draw you in and cheer you up. It also has some dramatic moments, like when Meg was about to be burned at the stake, and it keeps in step with much of Family Guy's content. If you can get past the confusing nature that comes from the spelling and grammer errors, you will se a story that shines of excellent storytelling, as well as having an unintentional plot constantly running underneath all the episodes. The canon characters are well written, and the humor works crazy well with the supernatural plots. As you all know, The Spellbook is in the group of my fanficiton superstar tag team (right alongside WI2 and AGMIHTF) and I really reccomend it to you if you like magic. You may not like it if your into depressing, grey Romantic/Angst, but hey, to each is own. I liked it, and chances are you will to. BUt then again, you've probably already read it, so to hell with this review anyway.

~Have these little closing messages grown on you yet?~

~Material~


	22. ReReview: Whispering Illusion 2

Okay, I really fucked up the last time, I was just pissed at something in real life, and I took it out on a friend, and that was unfair. In fact, that explaination may hold true for a few other fics I've reviewed recently. So let's try this again, and I'll try not to troll for once...although, someone on this site (You know who you are) may not like me being nice to this fic.

**ReReview: Whispering Illusion 2**

If my LAAF review taught me anything, it's that nobody likes it when I'm being mean to a fic, so let's try to balance out the praise and critisizm for WI2.

WI2 is a triple headed story, that centers around Meg, and her new family, consisting of a Valkyrie, and an Angel. Unlike some of the other Virtual Seasons, this story isn't built around humor only. The genres tend to flit around between Humor, Drama, Action and Tender Family Moments. And I would have to say, that Bhaal has done these well for the most part.

Early on, the chapters were good, and the triple headed story worked crazy well with the Supernatural element Bhaal added. However, lately, the chapters have kind of meandered around. Bhaal said he would fix that in later chapters, but after reading his latest notice, I think that is highly unlikely. But, if the genres can flit back and forth seamlessly, the way they do, then it would imply some sort of sophistication on the writer, and I can't buy that. Speaking as the only one who knows Bhaal as a person, he swears like a trucker, has a violent personality, and he's failed English three times in a row. That last one surprises me, because he owns one of the 5% of stories that use the english language well.

There are a number of things that make this story great. The good balance of description and dialogue, which allow you to get inside a characters head without breaking the time flow or immersion, the triple headed dialogue of fighty, speaky, laughy, and really strong characterization. The protagonist was a wisecraking, tough guy for the most part, and his character worked well. The fact that he was the clear protagonist may have took away from the Family Guy feel, but I think we can all agree, that after seeing Season 7, that's not entirely a bad thing. Bhaal even characterized Matt's daughter well, as the cutesy little girl with the slight incest fetish. Sure, that may have seemed distubing at first, but at least their both people.

When I started reading this fic, it was a venture into the fanfiction wilderness, because I had never read a Humor/Drama before. Okay, I had read a few others, but they were all really bad...you know, 300 word oneshots. Don't shoot me down, you're all agreeing with me! Anyway, this was an adventure I had whole heartedly expected to regret the next time a big Stewie/Brian fic came out. Anyway, I begrudginly felt that WI2 was about as good as Humor/Drama is ever going to get on this site.

I've heard people complain that it doesn't belong in this section, because it uses Drama as a main selling point, which seems odd to me. These very same people (you know who you are) gave a perfect score to a Romantic/Drama that had more angst than an emo convention. Maybe I'll do a Genre chapter next.

Anyway, despite all the good things I've said about it, WI2 is carrying the label of the "Arty" fic, and it seems to be using that to avoid having to explain itself. Why does Jaina admit to liking Stewie, and then nothing happens between them? Why does Meg get attacked on occasion by the very man whose supposed to protect her? Why does Matt go blind, only to still be able to percieve the world around him? Oh well, I'll guess we'll never know the answers to these now, will we?

Another thing that really pisses me off about WI2 was some of the truly bad chapter ideas. The chapter where Meg switched places with her lesbian counterpart seemed wasted to me, although, maybe she's going to come back, but there could have been a great chapter here. Although, I do have to praise it for adding Meg/Connie to the feild. Maybe we'll see some actual fics of that here...no? Fine then.

I may not have said this, but WI2 is falling back into Animal Magnetism's bad habits. Most noteably, is bringing cliffhanger endings to what I assume to be the first part of the story, and then making a conclusion that doesn't seem to fit. I'd like to know why the family isn't really mad at Matt for nearly killing them, but then again, everyone has their faults.

One thing I've said before, is that Bhaal and Ander seem to balance each other out. Whith Bhaal's great skill with OC's, and Ander's genius with using canon characters, they could really work together on something great. But there I go on one of my dreamy little tangents. Who knows, maybe there will be a spin off they both work on, where Rosie and Jaina go to a supernatural school and become friends with each other, I don't know.

Another thing that could be considered a flaw of the story is the lack of focus on the canon characters, although, there are enough Brian, Stewie and Meg stories out there to choke a shark. As Bhaal stated in the forums, this fic is like a next generation type thing. Something that keeps a select few canon charcters in the water, but throws in several new ones. And I can accept that. If I want to see things about the canon characters, I'll watch Family Guy. If I want to see something somewhat original, I'll read fanfiction.

So, in other forms, I liked WI2. At least it's trying something new and intuitive next to the Legions of clones that are stanking up the front page. And if any of you out there intend to critisize me for critisizing this fic, then please refrain from using the phrase "how dare you..." because it will just amke me laugh you miserable, fanboy dick.

~Wears His Knees Outside His Legs~

~Material~


	23. Another Dose Of Short Stories

**Another Dose Of Short Stories**

Well, let's re-visit that wonderous territory of shorter stories. Perhaps I'll find something I actually like.

**Whispering Delusion**

I ususally make it a point never to review spin-offs, but there are some spin-offs that make me overlook that rule. Whispering Delusion is one of them. While the story is notoriously short, and rather lacking in much description, the humor and charming dialogue more than makes up for it. There seems to be a lack of an established plot at the moment, but maybe this is a long term project, I don't know. Because the story is less than 5000 words long, there's really not much to say about it.

The story follows a year and a half after WI2, and follows that short plot of Meg's miscarriage. Xanatos, in an attempt to produce an heir, offers Meg her lost baby back. Meg agrees, prompting Matt to venture deep into Xanatos's lair to find the hidden meaning behind all this. We never did see what happened, though. Anyway, Meg gives birth to a baby boy named Zetana, who shows a massive array of demonic powers. I really don't see how this could happen. Matt uses Holy and Dark powers, and Xanatos uses Dark as well. Not much fire in there, but oh well.

I enjoyed the story, though the shortness of the chapters doesn't make me reccommend it to people like Ander or Haylias, but everyone else should read this. If you liked Whispering Illusion and all it's runty children, then you'll probably like this.

**Brian And Me**

I know what you're going to say: "Material reviewing a Brian/Human fic? Perhaps I should quickly look outside to make sure the sky is not falling and the sea is not running red with blood! Haw hee haw hee haw." Well you bastard, I had heard that BAM does things differently than most Brian/Human fics, and while I took that with mountainous piles of salt, I had noticed it used Brian/Meg as a pairing, so I guess this is a venture into the fanfic wilderness.

Well enough ripping off Zero Punctuation, let's get down to it. The story of BAM has a similar tone to A Good Man Is Hard To Find, being that it uses a cliche pairing, but does it in a somewhat acceptable manner. Unlike most other Brian/Human fics, it doesn't start out with sex within the first couple of chapters. After losing his girlfriend in a hilarious accident, Brian becomes depressed and a shell of his former self. He then goes on an adventure with Meg, and they come to a village, where they rip-off several movies, including Brother Bear and Madagascar. It is there that Brian and Meg fall in love with each other, and start a relationship. It then timeskips a few months, where Brian and Meg are married, and she's pregnant with his child, but not before kicking Lois's ass in a fight.

Now I'm not good at anything, accept bitching on the internet, but Ido know that puppy characters are very lazy things. I relly think that a Brian/Human hybrid could be done well. You can't just make it a puppy that acts like a human, that's lazy and annoying. A good hybrid would be, say, a human child that has some doglike tendacies, like a thrill for hunting, or a liking of very rare steaks. Sadly, nobody seems to recognize my genius, so BAM will probably go to the same old boring cliche of a puppy for a child. Whoopdy fucking doo. People could really mesh the human and dog characteristics in a great manner, but they just go with a dog who acts like a human. Ugh!

Anyway, back to BAM. While the story is littered with Spelling and grammer errors, the plot is good, and it's written in script format, which is something I have also never gotten into, but WTH okay. The romance is well played, and it's put on the right amount of subtelty and tension, especially when Meg turned Brian down at first. So overall, I enjoyed BAM. In fact, I could go as far to say that BAM may have well sold me on Brian/Human pairings. Check it out if you haven't read it. It has it's flaws, but I don't dislike it, because it presents itself so well. It's worth a look, but don't look too hard or you'll see the stitches.

~So, how are you liking Totally Skippable?~

~Material~


	24. Attack of the 100 Foot Meg Griffin

**Attack Of The 100 Foot Meg Griffin**

Well I finally did it. I actually sat down to read this story, after a lot of petty whining from people who emailed me begging me to review it. I'm not quite sure why people keep asking me toreview stories, because you can all tell that I'm never kind to them. Anyway, Attack.

So the story has been marked higher than the record for climbing Mt Everest, and it reflects it well. Unlike LAAL, which has a potentially good plotline buried under bad writing style, this fic does both pretty well. As much as the genre likes to contradict, I would mark it as a Humor/Drama. Humor/Drama is what I like to call my pet genre. A pet I keep in a shed and feed broken glass. In previous reviews, I called out any story that utilizes the drama part of that too much and makes the story very dull and grey, and there have really been only two other fics that fall into this wonderful, artistic genre. Anyway, the story works much like book form, being that there is a lot of description, but the difference is that the description fits the dialogue, and meshes with it, rather than getting nine pages describing a character's feelings, then two words of dialogue.

The plot centers around Meg, having been hazed enought, get's exposed to a radioactive space crystal, and grows to massive size. She then goes on a rip-snorting adventure that will take her from the set of a fetish porn movie to putting out a fire with her spit. However, due to the cliche of Meg fics, she get's bashed still, and then goes on a bloody rampage.

I'm not going to go very in depth to the story here, because Ander has already beaten me to that punch and I'm not going to repeat him. The chracters are well written too. Now, I know it's unusual for me to be talking about chacterization when I'm usually in the core of a sotry working the plot and writing style elements to death, so understand how good they have to be characterized in order to warrant a mention. Let's go with the biggest one: Peter. This story can lead you to believe that Peter's bad decisions for Meg are not the result of malice, but total cluelessness with good intentions. I like that, it gives a better explaination for the charcter other than "He's just a jerk", and it does add a bit of sophistication on the part of the writer.

Anyway, like I said earlier, the writing style is much better than other fics, like Brian's Dilema, or LAAL. In these stories, the dialogue is either cluttered in one paragraph and confusing to read. Either that, or you get so much description for the characters personality, and since the big galoote barely speaks, we only have the author's word for that. While there is an ample amount of description in Attack, you get segments which have a lot of dialogue, much like a Virtual Season. The writing style is much better than some other fics, and is even legible and reasy to follow, which is a nice addition from people who are so illiterate that you need a street gangster to translate it for you.

Attack is not without is critisizm. There are a lot more Anime references than are nessacary, and some of the cutaways are a bit hard to grasp at first. That, and the fact of the fight with the catgirl seemed just a bad way to incorporate a Chicken Fight into the mix, which, as I've said before, is a bad cliche that we can all do without.

So all in all, I liked Attack. It was fun, had an original concept, and wasn't afraid to laugh at itself. I also like that little bit to the politically correct when he said a variation of "For those of you that are going 'ooooh', shut up, it's a joke". What I also liked was that it managed to break the fourth wall a bit, which is always fun too see. Check it out if you haven't read it, and you'll probably like it.

~Read this entire fic in one sitting~

~Material~

**BZZZZZZZZZT**

**And now, Material reviews Wild Heroes**

I got about three paragraphs into this fic before I gave it up when I saw that Meg's child was a dog. There, I said it once again. Why doesn't anyone listen to me?


	25. Interview: Ander Arias

_**Interview: Ander Arias**_

**Okay, so here's how this will go, Mr Arias. I'm going to ask you some questions about yourself, and you try to asnwer them as best as you can.**

_Oky Doke._

**1. We all know that plots and ideas change over time when they are in production. What was the original concept for The Spellbook?**

_As I said in my profile, I had the idea after seeing a Meg fanart on deviantart, holding a spellbook, turning her family into animals(you can see the drawing onmy profile). Then I thought that it would be nice if there would be a chapter like this._

**2. How do you connect with your OCs Matt and Rosie? Do they have any of your traits or interests?**

_How do I connect with them? Well, quoting Mashashi Kishimoto, author of Naruto, I connect with my OCs because they were born from my imagination, and are a part of me in some sort of way._

_Matt have some traits of me, like his passion for wrestling, to play basketball and computers (although he's much more skilled in that field than me), and of course, like me, he likes Meg._

Rosie don't have any trait of me since she's inspired in my little sister(although if my sister had powers, it would be the end of the world as we know it).

**3. I'm sorry, I have to ask. Why a puppy for Kyle? Really? I guess the real question would be, why do people make all of Brian's kids completley dog and no human?**

_To have more variety. I think that it would be more interesting if one of his kids were a dog instead of a human. Well, Maya is also Brian's daughter and she's human._

**4. Two members of mine and Bhaal's underground have started pissing about you for marking down WI2 and Full Punctuation. If you could say anything to these guys, what would it be?**

_Freedom of speech. Although my intention never was to degrade your works, I criticized roughly WI2 because of you hyping it so much, and sometimes I'm rough with FP too because I think that sometimes you cross the line. But, then again, I didn't want to insult or offend you in any way._

**5. How long would you like your story to be, and what plans do you have for it in the future?**

_As long as possible. And for future plans...well, it would be more or less the same you have seen in these 30 chapters, but that doesn't mean that I won't introduce new elements. As for now, I intorduced two new OCs and have a lot of ideas involving them. I will also parody a well known 80's kung fu movie starring Chris._

**6. Aside from Meg or Lois, who else would be your favorite character? (Takin' a wild guess at Stewie or Brian.)**

_I assume that you mean canon characters. Before I answer, let me state something: there's a HUGE difference between the characters of the pre and post cancellation seasons. I said that I like Lois, but I liked her when she was a caring mother with a "dark side" and that enjoyed a healthy sexual life, not today's Lois, a crazy slut obssesed with sex that despises her children._

_Yes, I do like Brian, because he WAS a very interesting, complex and troubled character. And yes, I also like Stewie when he interacts with other kids (specially girls)._

**7. Again, I have to ask. You marked down WI2 and several other fics because of their action and drama elements, but you gave top scores to Brian's Dilema and LAAL, which the former is full of action bits, and the latter is more dramatic than Schindler's List. Can you explain this conflict in opinion?**

_First of all, I never talked about drama while critisizing WI2. I'm okay with drama. Read again all what I said about WI2, and you'll see that my main problems are Matt and yes, some action elements._

Second, I did give Brian's Dillema top scores, but all the praise was for the first arc, "Labours of Love". Haylias can tell you that I severely marked down "I need a partner", which is full of action, and I said that the final arc, "A familiar attitude", was mediocre.

So I don't see any conflict in my opinion

**8. Have you read A Good Man Is Hard To Find? If so, what do you think about it?**

_No, I haven't read it, nor I will read it. I don't like slash. However I'm not going to stop people from reading it if they want._

**9. Exactly what is your ultimate goal with TSB? Laughs? Story? Comedic Pointlessness? What?**

_Laughs, and make my readers to feel that they're watching a FG episode. If I wanted to focus on the story, I wouldn't wrote a Virtual Season._

**10. Have you ever had chapter ideas that you had to scrap? If so, could you share some of them?**

_A lot. One of them was Meg trying to use the spellbook for time travel, but ended sending her and her family to the prehistoric era. Another one was Lois using magic to look younger, but then she's turned into a baby. As for now,I can't remember much more._

**11. Say anything you want to any specific author that might be reading. It can be good, it can be bad, just let what's in your heart out.**

_Well, there are too many thinks I'd like to say to any author, so I'd say two of the first thing my masters taught me of the art of fanfiction: Keep writing as long as you enjoy doing it, and read, read a lot._

**Not quite what I meant, but that works too.**

**12. What sparked The Spellbook's creation? Also, what sparked TINARF's creation?**

_Well, I usually want to write a fanfic after reading a very good story. In this case, it was after reading Meg's Boyfriend/Family. But all my other works(not posted in this website) were also inspired by great authors._

As for TINARF, I guess that I wanted to jump on the review fic bandwagon, but I wanted it to be more like a story, instead of throwing my opinion.

**13. Have you ever been flamed by anyone...besides me? And I mean actual critisizm, not unintelligent posts that have nothing to do with the story.**

_No. However, my former masters, when I started my journey in fanfiction writing Final Fantasy stories, were pretty rough with me (and practically with everybody else)_

**14. What do you want to do after college?**

_I want to be a politician._

**15. Lastly, what drives you to write? Exactly what is the main source of your inspriation?**

_As I said above, to read good stories._

**Well thank you Ander. I might have to put more work into my PM interviews, because I only know one author with whom I have the luxuary of sitting in a room with and being more conversational.**

~Plans to kill Bhaal for mentioning my little brother...no but seriously, thanks for that buddy~

~Material~


	26. Interview: Bhaalspawn

_**Interivew: Bhaalspawn**_

**Well Bhaal, it's a wonder to have you here. So, here's how it'll go, I'll ask you some questions, and you answer them as best and as in depth as you can.**

_Alright, let's do it._

**1. What was it that inspired you to write WI2?**

_Well...WI1 obviously. But I guess I've always wanted to tell a story about a Guardian Angel, and with the format of Meg's Family and The Spellbook, I finally had the opprotunity. I had a question in my head about what life wouldf be like for a girl with a Guardian. Surprisingly, the whole husband/daughter thing was never part of my original plan._

**2. Everyone is loving your Stewie/Jaina pairing...well, almost everyone. Everyone with a brain. What gave you the idea for this pairing?**

_Belive it or not, laziness. Me and Tanadra were sitting in WoW chat one day, and we were working on a new character to be Stewie's love interest. After the success of Eye For Time, I knew that Stewie/OC was on the rise. However, me and Tan were drawing a total blank. We had a name and several other traits, but we couldn't think of an appearance, or how to characterize her. We sat there for hours trying to come over this hump, until eventually I said "Fuck it, I'll just use Jaina."_

_I like how it was met with positive reaction from most people. I had assumptions that the whole incest thing might be met with flame, but it wasn't. When I tried to get rid of the pairing, my reviewers showed a lot of dissapointment at this. It was pretty much at this point where I decided to bring it back in the next chapter. I'm thinking that it might now be an on-again off-again thing, like Friends did. I like the pairing myself, and as Loessar has accuratly stated, it is unique._

**3. Ander Arias has given you a lot of grief over the months. Exactly what is your opinion on this? Do you hate him for all the pointless critisizm he has given you?**

_Okay, you should at least TRY to sound unbiased. Anyway, to each is own I guess. I've given up trying to get him to read my story again, as nothing is going to work. If I go to all the lengths I need to, I'll lose sight of what I set out to do, to differ myself from the established canon. Yeah, I'll admit I might have given too much focus on Matt, but that's just my inexperience showing through. Might I point out that he only gives me grief when I ask for it, which seems like a stupid thing to do if I don't like critisizm._

_One thing I find hilarious is this: He keeps telling me that it's not like Family Guy. Family Guy is written and produced by a large team of professional writers and comedians who all graduated college, and he wants the same quality of work from a lone, 17 year old, high school misanthrope? Wow!_

**3. Would you call your own OC a Mary Sue?**

_No, actually. I make jokes about it, yes, but it's always undermined by one aspect. A Mary Sue is a super character BY ACCIDENT. I did it on purpose. Matt is what many people call a Parody Sue, as the rest of the family makes jokes about his screentime, and he himself makes little digs at his Mary Sueness. You don't see many parody sues walking around anymore, so it is a little refresher from the usual characters._

**4. You mentioned that Matt had a little sister. Are we ever going to see her?**

_Actually, after Meg had her miscarriage, I was working on a chapter called Sisterly Kindness. In this chapter, Matt's adoptive parents died, and Meg and Matt, still wanting another child, adopted his sister. I didn't really get anywhere past that point, and that was the middle point of the chapter, so I just scrapped the idea. I'm working on bringing in more OC's in secondary roles, and maybe some Bit Characters. It's something I'll have to practise._

**5. Is Matt evil or not?**

_Yes, Matt is evil. When I drew up his character info at the start of this, he was to fill the role of the Antagonist. But I liked the character so much, and was pleased with all the work I put into him, that I set him as the protagonist, wanting to see him in a more frontal role. I am making attempts to flesh out Matt's inner darkness, and even more so now that he has an arsenal of Dark spells at his disposal, and I even put him in the role of a villian in the Season 1 Finale. But right now, I'm taking a break from Matt, and I'm trying to flesh out the other characters, which is practise I desperatly need. Right now, Matt's main role is going to be a driving force for other chapters. One example is where Peter sees Matt's success with parenting, and tries to be a better father to Meg._

**6. Exactly who is this Tanadra person you keep talking about.**

_While everyone in this section has probably heard of her, you wouldn't believe me even if I told you._

**7. What was the main basis in Matt. Besides the protagonist, what role does he give in terms of his creation.**

_An Author Insertion Personna. Many of Matt's thoughts and beliefs mirror my own, but that's usually for humorous effect, as it rebounds perfectly off the other characters. I'll give you an example. Matt's almost instant acceptance of Stewie/Jaina mirrors my own beliefs about consentual incest, in fact, I even did a monologue on it in Drama, which I got a 97 on. Matt's general appearance is also based on my own, but that's just because I can't draw and I'm too lazy to think up another one. I write all my main characters in my fics with long hair anyway...nobody likes a character with a buzzcut...unless they're in the military._

**8. Have there been any gags that got a terrible reaction from fans?**

_Yes actually. One was the Resident Evil gag in one of my chapters. I got some pretty nasty emails for that one, surprisingly not from the two people who were featured in that gag. Another one was the abortion joke from my Cast Party episode made people email me with some pretty colorful vulgarities._

**9. How do you compare yourself to the other Virtual Season Writers?**

_Not well, Material. If I may be a bit arrogant here, I will say that my fic is a little more deep than theirs. I've always seen Meg's Family and The Spellbook as joke bins. While they are really funny and well written, they don't really stretch further than that. But I don't dislike them for it because I think that was the whole idea. When you are going to critique a story, you need to factor in what the author is trying to do before you mark it down or not. So, Material and Ander...hintity hint hint. Anyway, each Virtual Season does it's own thing. They do them well, but they're all from different worlds, so it's hard to compare them all when they all do things very differently with the same pairings and cliches._

**10. One thing I would like to know is this: People are always ripping off other people, so how do you know who created a pairing or cliche?**

_Well, it's hard to go about doing that. You could take the scientific route and check by publish dates, but most stories go uncompleted. Take the incest cliche in FG fanfiction. Many people on other sites are writing these fics, but they usually go uncpmpleted or they suck royally. So rather than argue over who created incest pairings for FG Fanfiction (IT WAS ME!), you can usually give credit to the most well written story that uses the cliche (AGAIN! ME!). The same holds true for other pairings and cliches. There are several stories that give Meg a child and have her get married. The first one that did this was The Encounter, but the story that revolutionized the pairing was Meg's Boyfriend. You see where I'm going with this? Probably not._

**11. Do you resent Malcolm and Ander for the way they mark your story down?**

_I don't recall Malcolm ever saying anything negative about my fic. But if I wasn't getting seven thousand more hits a month than they were, I'd probably be a little miffed I guess._

**12. What do you want to do after college?**

_I want to go into Radio and Television Arts. What I would like to do is be a writer for a TV show._

**13. So...can we hear anything about your personal life? Do you have a girlfriend?**

_No. My philosophy is that all women are evil. Manipulitave human beings that try to fool you with their "feelings" and their "Sensitivities". Just something I don't need to associate myself with, who need's them. Incidently, I'm still not gay._

**14. What do you think about the newer seasons of Family Guy?**

_Well, I've given up on trying to see any warm family feelings between the Griffins, and I'm trying to do just that with my fic. But what the hell, it's still funny, amusing, and can easily distract me from my own fucked up life. What I'm saying is that you shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth. A funny and nonsense show is a rarity among shows like Intervention, or Smallville, or other really bad shows that are grey and depressing._

_Let me quote Yahtzee here. Most shows flit between wacky humor and total seriousness and don't have the slightest idea what they want to be. Family Guy knows what it wants to be, and that is lip smackingly, paste eatingly, chasing the girls around the playground with a piece of dog pooingly stupid, and I wouldn't have it any other way._

**15. What do you try to do when you write a fic, especially one as long as a Virtual Season.**

_Well, I try to tell a good story, and create a cast of characters that are likeable and merge well. This can be difficult at times. I try not to tell too many jokes, because the humor is only a fraction of the story, not it's main selling point. I fell that, even in an episodic fic, there should be some underlying story that I can tell, and hopefully my audience will like it. But really, I don't give a flying shit wether they like it or not, I'm going to write it anyway._

**Well thank you so much for coming. It was great talking to you.**

~You guys can stop emailing me sympathy now. I don't miss him, neither should you.~

~Material~


	27. TSB vs WI2

**The Spellbook VS Whispering Illusion 2**

Well, I knew it would have to come down to this eventually. I've spent so much time mentioning them and doing episodes about them, it's time to sit down and decide which one is better. Let's use the scientific route by taking apart each aspect that makes a good story/TV show. Well let's go.

Also not that Meg's Family will not be prevelant in this chapter, as it has not been warring with any other fics.

**Plot/Understory**

Both fics have their own plots. TSB has Meg getting a spellbook and using it to create all kinds of Chaos. WI2 is about Meg getting a Guardian Angel and going on all sorts of adventures. Both have similar storylines, but WI2 introduces backstory, and history for the different groups featured in the episodes, as well as even having backstories for the villians and unlikeable characters. TSB, by comparisant, doesn't have any backstory, and the closest thing we get to character history is that Matt's mom died and he builds things out of matches. One point for WI2

_**WI2: 1 TSB: 0**_

**Characters**

Kind of tightly matched here. Bhaal sure went ahead with Matt and Jaina's development before introducing more characters, and made sure the character was complete before moving onto another one. Ander, on the other hand, has developed several characters at once, as well as keeping the canon characters in step. Okay, maybe Peter is a little over the top with his stupidity, but shut up, I'm trying to make a point here. Even the secondary characters are well written and fleshed out. The only one who has so little development is Matt. Yes, that dead horse in my yard is starting to stink up, thank you for asking. Anyway, due to this, Bhaal and Ander seem to be directly contrasting each other in this field. Oh well, TSB wins this one.

_**WI2: 1 TSB: 1**_

**Flow**

WI2 seems to flow a little badly at times, and it tends to timeskip massive amounts of time between chapters. Episodes also feel shallower and less developed, but that may be due to the shorter chapter length. TSB flows well, and despite the confusion caused by bad grammer, at least makes it feel like I'm watching a TV show. One point for TSB.

_**WI2: 1 TSB: 2**_

**Consistency**

WI2 certainly takes this one, as it feels more like a TV show, since chapters are updated every week. Of course, with the shorter chapters, I would assume it would be updated more frequently. TSB has very uneven updates, sometimes spanning several months. It's hard to keep in step with the chapters when the down time is more than enough time for me to forget about the last episode. Oh well.

_**WI2: 2 TSB: 2**_

**Full Story**

The jokes in TSB are funny, but it's the only string to it's bow. TSB is a one hit wonder. It's funny, but that's about it. WI2 adds a lot of drama to the storyline, and scores even more points by not overplaying it. It's hard to mesh humor with drama, so it definetly warrants credit. He scores even more points with me by adding the occasional action scene. Every ten chapters or so, there's a big climactic fight, and the best part is that it's not every chapter, so it's something you eagerly look forward to. That and the fact that Bhaal usually announces it several chapters beforehand makes it even more anticipated. One more point for WI2.

_**WI2: 3 TSB: 2**_

**Humor**

Humor is important to any story, and I will admit that the humor in TSB is much better than WI2. While the humor is good in both stories, it's not hard to tell whose is more refined and more funny. The fact that WI2 is trying to be three stories makes the humor a little weak at times, but it's hilarious in nonsense chapters. TSB is funny all the time, and stays that way throughout every chapter. While some of the cutaways are hard to follow at times, they did score a lot of points for removing all 80's references. One more point for TSB.

So it's all done and the final score is...

_**WI2: 3 TSB: 3**_

Three points apiece. So much for the fucking scientific method. I guess this means that both fics are equally good and there's room in this world for both, but FUCK THAT! History needs to know which is better, so I'm going to award it to whichever author can animate a 2D video of the other author's character doing something mindless and stupid.

~Got that out of my system didn't I?~

~Material~


	28. Shadow's Prey: Warrior Of The Forgotten

**Shadow's Prey: Warrior of the Forgotten**

Well I'm still waiting for some of those promising new fics to reach a word count that I can respectively review, so let's take out my frustrations on another Soldier Of Sorrow game. Since Whispering Illusion is the only fic that can be easily turned into a game, and considering the success of the first Shadow's Prey, it was inevitable that a sequel would be made. Both games are very different though. In the first game, you controlled Matt through the first season of WI2, save for more fights and killing and all that moral choice runaround. In this new game, Jaina is a prevalent character, and a new storyline was written specifically for it.

Anyway, it's two years after Shadow's Prey, and Matt and Jaina venture into an unknown cave that is rumored to be overrun with monsters worshipping a magical gem. Now, let me just ask this. What kind of warrior brings his three year old daughter into a monster infested cave? He must have really missed the point of the whole parenting buisness. Anyway, surprise surprise, they take the gem, and then Matt has to fight off twenty thousand evil demon things. Amazingly, you don't get to play this fight...it's the intro cutscene. What's different to this fight than most other fights Matt's involved in, is that they eventually knock him out, leaving the first gameplay we see to be getting Jaina out of there. This is the only point where you control Jaina as a baby, as she morphs into Ultimate Jaina, without Rosie's help surprisingly, and fights her way through a few guards before getting out of there.

The rest of the game features hack and slash gameplay and platforming through mostly linear levels. In the first few levels, you're introduced to all the flashy spells in Jaina's repitoire, and it becomes clear that staying back and blasting your enemies away is a smarter option, because Jaina's melee combat is a joke. She only has one combo, and it only hits one opponent at a time. Whatever. If you're playing on normal difficulty, than about a fifth of the way through the game, you'll unlock Matt as a playable character for each level. If this happens, you're taken to a character select screen after every 'between mission' cinematic. Matt's moves are copy-pasted from the last game, except with most of the spells you had learned being removed.

But really, there's only one strategy. Once Jaina reaches level 35, and Matt reaches level 40, they both learn a spell called Arc Lightning. When you get this spell, you can rip everything apart Emperor Palpatine style and breeze through every mission. I didn't do this though. First of all, I'm a man's man, whose not afraid to fight my opponent head on, and second because the free form fighting and spellcasting for both characters is really fucking fun. Every possible combo you can think of is available for Matt to use, and there's only two attack buttons to use most of the time. Square for the right weapon, Triangle for the left weapon, so it's much like Prince Of Persia. All of Jaina's main spells can be combined to form devastating combos as well. Once you learn how to shock an opponent, then blast them down a hall into another group of opponents where he'll pass the electricity to everyone else, you strive to learn every other possible combo.

One of the main selling points of this game is the dual-perspective gameplay. You see all the cutscenes and levels from your character's point of view. I'll show you what I mean. I played through one level as Jaina, and her and Matt split up halfway through. When I found Matt on a ledge later in the level, he flipped and swung on some ledges to get over to where I was. When I played through this level with Matt, and came to this same point, I saw the cutscene from his ledge, and the swinging and jum,ping was part of the gameplay. Another instance was in a middle boss fight, where Matt distracted the boss while I blasted him away with spells. When I played this same level with Matt, I had to distract him while a computer controlled Jaina blasted him away.

Playing each level twice gets boring after a while, so here's the perfect solution to see all the content. Play through with one character the first time, then play a second time with the other. Soundas simple, but Matt's sections of the levels are much harder than Jaina's.

Jaina's spells have the usual runaround of offensive spells, defensive spells, healing spells and support spells, and they're all categorized, making finding the buttons that cast each one a lot easier. Jaina's only block is summoning up an impenetrable shield for a short time, so timing is essential to defend yourself. Her offensive spells include frost, light and energy spells, like Shockwave and Lightning, but the strongest combo seems to be Incinerate-Shockwave-Arc Lightning, then finish with a Firestorm.

Matt's gameplay is a little different. People who've played the Sands Of Time trilogy will quickly get the hang of Matt's free-form fighting, and running along a wall and decapitating a whole string of enemies is a lot of fun. Holding the block button will block against melee attacks. Rotating the right analong stick while holding block will defend against ranged attacks. Conversly, when defending against a spell or bullet, just flicking the analog stick at the right time will deflect it right back at it's caster. However, unlike Jaina's gameplay, which requires strategy and paitence, Matt's gameplay is a break from real challenges, where you get to stroll invincibly down the linear levels, reducing enemies to little red clouds. He has a ton of health, almost inpervious blocking, and most of his combos can slice groups of enemies at once. To compensate for this, you don't get the overpowered healing spell you got in the last game, and the only way to heal yourself is through little checkpoints in the levels. Although, if you're really low on health when you get to these checkpoints, then you're not playing it right.

Shadow's Prey is indeed a Spectacle Fighter. The enemies are less of challenges, and more of being squirty punching bags to be dealt with in the most spectacular ways. While some of the enemies have high health to let you pull off longer combos, they deal little damage, and move slowly. You can blast most enemies at range before they even get to you, or you can charge and dodge around them, taking swipes at their health without them being able to catch you. The game is a little too easy on the hardest difficulty setting, and with the exception of the boss fights, it's mostly a freerunning game.

The voice acting in the cutscenes is still as great as ever, with all the characters sounding very into what they're doing, and several roles are played by the same people, though these guys can do different voices, unlike the people in Oblivion. Bhaal reprised his voice for Matt and Stewie, and Tan took up her previous role for Meg, Jaina, and several others. The impressions for the canon characters, while the difference is somewhat noticeable, is very well done, and the musical scores match the tone of the story perfectly.

I am, however, going to critisize WotF for the same thing I critisized the last game for. It's tone. The story it's based on is charming and light hearted, while having only a few tense and grim moments. This game is very dark and brooding, and some of the characters are angsty cunts. However, Matt and Jaina's personal banter and occasional funny line eventually caused me to warm to them, and I can forgive the dark tone of the story, but I really think Bhaal could have done better with the writing.

So all in all, a fun game, amusing gameplay, would have played better if a little more light hearted.

But I'm not done yet! The files came with a second group that was marked as Bonus Features. This consisted of commentaries on the cutscenes, making of features, Bhaal and Tanadra performing the swordfight you see in a tense cutscene before the Final Boss Fight, as well as, and I'm not making this up, full color episodes from the Virtual Seasons.

Meg's Family, The Spellbook, and WI2 all had five episodes each animated and voiced over for the sole purpose of fan service. I'll run down which ones were animated.

**Meg's Family**

_Kicking It Up In Preschool, Friends Forever, Johnny Hoffman Must Die, Family Goth, Attack Of The 50ft Toddler_

**The Spellbook**

_Meg's Two Daughters, Rosie's Eggventure, Be Careful What You Dream For, Double Trouble, A Freaking Scary Camping Trip_

**Whispering Illusion 2**

_Eye For Time, This Time Do Make Me Over, Open Your Eyes, I'm A Kid, Eye For Time 3_

I think it would be a waste of space to review them all, so I'll just rundown what I can.

The major downfall of animating these episodes, is the tiny number of voice actors. Bhaal was left voiceing Zack Murdock, Matthew Ryder, and Matthew Kennedy. Tanadra was left voiceing Maddie, Rosie and Jaina. This made all of them sound very similar, but with different personalities, but maybe this was just a joke at all these characters being a little like eachother.

All in all, the game and all it's features were good, and there were more than enough nitpicks I could make, and I reccomend it to anyone who lives in Canada and can download it.

~Either my Ultimate Rundown, or my interview of Liana or Haylias will be next.~

~Material~


	29. Character Type and Story Type Rundown

**Character Type/Story Type Rundown**

Well I'm a little bored, and I don't feel like uploading more interview chapters until I'm satisfied with the format. I may just ditch the idea altogether. Anyway, I figured this wa a good time to go into detail about some of the many character types out there. Also, I will go into genre and story types a little bit. Enjoy

**Character Types**

All Original Characters have been marked in several types. Rather than go through every possible type, I will only run down the types that have been used.

**Protagonist**

This is a hard route to pull. When you put an OC in the role of the protagonist, chances are you'll lower the remaining characters screentime to some degree. It could be a major drop, or the drop could be subtle and unnoticeable. Either way, an OC protagonist will cause this effect.

The protagonist requires a certian amount of backstory, and can usually be revealed through revelations. People fear this, as it causes a rise in Mary Sue scores, but this is negated if another character asks the protagonist about his/her past. The protagonist will also have a love interest of some kind, and depending on the character you choose will also pre-determine how well the character works. Choosing a married character may cause the character and story to fail, but choosing a support character or Black Sheep give a higher chance of success.

Lastly, the protagonist will usually play a role in every episode of a Virtual Season, even if the role is small and unimportant, like a witty joke or remark.

**Supernatural Beings**

Supernatural Beings are also popular in fiction, but the only ones that have been used in this section are Witches/Wizards and Angels/Valkyrie. Supernatural Beings require some sort of power, which is usually schooled into a type. For example, Rosie Kennedy is a witch that has prefered energy and fire based spells. Matthew Ryder is a Valkyrie that has shown a preference to Shadow and Darkness based spells.

Whatever type of power you give them, it also has to have a degree of strength. Having a character with moderate power allows development and enriches the story. A character with strong to unstoppable power allows the plot to move more quickly, and also gives more opprotunities for Deus Ex Machina endings. Supernatural Beings also attract occasional Battle scenes, assuming their powers can be used for combat in some way.

When creating a supernatural being, you must create an outlet for them to channel their powers through. This could be their eyes, hands, or a weapon of some sort, like a sword, wand, or staff. Chances are, you may get your character's abilities and lore from religon or popular video game descriptions of the character. Although, you can easily create a unique character type if you're skilled enough of a writer. Just remember, a badly written Supernatural can easily cause Plot Holes.

Lastly, all Supernatural Beings need to have a superior...someone who is stronger than them, and can guide them in their understanding of their powers. The sole exception is when being the strongest of their kind is an important part of the plot.

**Mary Sue**

The most undesired type of character. The Mary Sue is an overplayed character that excels in everything and is loved by almost everyone. They also overtake a story, though this is hard to mark as a flaw. Many stories require a heavy emphasis on their protagonist, but other types, like Virtual Seasons, are very unforgiving to these characters.

Most people go to Litamus Tests to determine if their character is a Mary Sue, but these test are flawed, and can never usually take into account some of the plot points behind a characters unusual personna. While most tests work for most stories, there are always going to be certain charcters that cannot be measured with these tests. However, a Mary Sue is split into different categories, two of which I will outline for you here:

**Anti Sue**

Sometimes, an author works so hard to make his character not a Mary Sue, that he does the opposite, and makes them an Anti Sue. There are two types of Anti Sues. Angsty cunts who have everything bad happen to them, and characters that are so unused, you wonder why they were even created. The Anti Sue is another undesired character type, and never works well. In longer stories, or Virtual Seasons, it is possible to redeem an Anti Sue to a normal character, but somewhat difficult to do.

**Parody Sue**

Some authors, Bhaalspawn being notorious for this, make their character an overpowered Mary Sue on purpose for humor purposes, and for the whole self parody. Parody Sues need to be established as a Mary Sue quickly, and then require a lot of companion cute jokes being made at notice of this. This will entail a lot of fourth wall breaking, Sue Score jokes, and sometimes the occasional easy battle. While the character is being set up, the story may have a serious and dark tone, depending on the content, but the humor will pick up quickly. In a Virtual Season, this is usually after the scene is set. Parody Sues are usually clear to define, and not unwelcome by readers. If an author can do a Parody Sue well, they will often become well known for it. Self Insertions are also good candidates for Parody Sues.

WARNING: Parody Sues have to be well written characters. Attempting to Parody a badly written character will result in failure.

**Canon Sue**

It is not unheard of for a canon character to be overly written, or overly fleshed out, that they become grating and similar to Mary Sues. The Canon Sue is often written by someone who is too in love with the character to properly portray them. The Author sees their character as the greatest creation ever, and see their flaws and greviences as attractive, rather than a deterrance. This causes unrealistic descriptions, angsty or overly cheery responses in characters that do not normally act this way, and even the occasional "Soulmate" scenario. Brian has been the biggest victim of Canon Sueing, as some writers are too into his character, or too into a pairing that he's interested in, that they write an unrealistic story. Stories where Lois divorces Peter just to be with Brian are prime examples of Canon Sue.

Another example of Brian as a Canon Sue was in LAAL, where he was so depressed and angsty that it killed the mood of his previous personality, but it made sense to the tone of the story. Fair enough. The storyline was good, though I didn't like it.

**Love Interest**

Usually marked as a fellow protagonist, the love interest can be a canon character most of the time, or even an original character. Assuming your main protagonist is an OC, many categories will require a canon character being used in this role. However, like I've said before, there are some categories (Pokemon, Final Fantasy, Warcraft) that allow stories to be filled with nothing but OC's

The love interest can be a tricky character to create or use. It all requires picking a character that has no previous romantic affiliation. In Family Guy Fanfiction, Lois is not good territory for an OC or canon character's love interest, as she's married to Peter. Jillian used to be a good match for OC's or other main cast members, but since she married Derek, that ship has sailed. As always, Meg is perfect territory as a love interest, as are her clique of friends. In terms of male Love interests, Brian, Chris, Quagmire, and several other characters are good territory for female OC's and canon characters.

The main problem some people have with using a love interest, is when they take one that doesn't fit. Using Lois as Brian's love interest doesn't work most of the time, as she's already married and hi...HE'S A DOG! Using Brian as Stewie's love interest also doesn't work because...well...EW!

Okay, I'm being biased. Of course, there have been stories that use these pairings well, and simply saying they don't work is entirely my opinion, and not an actual fact. The point is, anybody can be a love interest, as long as your plot can figure out any triangles that may form from the pairing you are trying to create.

**Story Types**

There have been many rising story types over the last couple of months, and I figured that it would be a good time to outline a few of them. Let's start with the most popular.

**Continuious Plotline**

The most common story type in any section. Continuious Plotline stories are straightforward, and follow a linear plotline that runs from beginning to end. It has it's main roles of Protagonist, Support characters, Love interest, and Antagonist, and the story is usually in depth and has a decent length. Not much to say about it, but the main flaws of this format is that plot holes are hard to recover from, and any character flaws may not remain consistent throughout the story. Another problem from this format, is that the author may run out of story to tell, and not have a way to end it, but that's a rarity.

**ASK Fics**

The most annoying type of fic. ASK fics usually consist of people reviewing with questions for the characters, and the author trying to answer them as best as he can, while keeping them in character. Most users (I don't say author here, because they haven't earned the title), however, use these fics as a free way to flame other people, and insult everyone who reviews. Although, stupid questions made by reviewers can tempt even a good ASK writer to lay into them.

**Review/Feedback Fics**

A rising format. Review and Feedback fics differ a little. Review Fics involve critiquing other people's stories, and giving a good explaination as to if the story is good or bad. Reviews in review fics are usually 750-2500 words in length, and can cover anything from character development, to plot, to choice of genre. One thing everybody needs to know about a review fic is that no matter how the critic may come off, each review is entirely their opinion. The biggest failing when commenting on a review is using phrases like: _HOW DARE YOU CRITISIZE THIS FIC!!!!_ Because that only shows how little self respect you actually have. All reviews are subjected to personal opinion, and if you personally enjoy the story, then it really shouldn't get to you.

Feedback fics are a little different. While review fics center around stories themselves, Feedback fics center around devices, cliches, and other media involved in fanfiction. This can involve Character rundowns, retrospective comparisants of a group of similar stories, and even interviews of authors. Feedback fics require a lot of insight, and require the author to know what he is talking about. Intelligence is the key, and not anyone can write them.

I myself, would call Full Punctuation a good blend of both Review and Feedback fics, and perhaps the one that started the whole trend.

**Virtual Season**

The most popular type of story in this section. Virtual Seasons run like an actual Season of the show they are written about. Virtual Season's are a little more tricky to write than conitinious stories, as they require coming up with a large number of different plotlines and story devices. Most, if not all, Virtual Seasons start out continuious in order to set the scene, especially if adding new characters. All the big Virtual Season's had this. Meg's Boyfriend/Family had about seven continuous chapters to set the scene. The Spellbook had two chapters, and WI2 had the most at eleven.

Virtual Seasons require a great deal of time and effort to succeed. A lot of Virtual Seasons on other sections have failed after just a few chapter. But, if you can make it to at least 30 episodes, then you have succeeded in creating a Virtual Season. Unlike other fics, Virtual Seasons require a number of different aspects to be of a good quality. Character development needs to be balanced, or at least well written for the main cast. Two genres that go together must be marked. The main Virtual Seasons having genres of Humor/General, Humor/Supernatural and Humor/Drama. The last one is incredibly tricky to pull off, even for the greatest of writers. Finally, there has to be a general tone for the story. You can be light hearted and charming; dramatic, depressing and insufferable (although a balance between those two is welcome), or you can be fast paced and have a rapid fire dialogue format. The number of other possibilities are endless.

Lastly, if you are writing a Family Guy Virtual Season (or FGVS for short) it is advised you bring in new characters. Anywhere between 5 and 15 Original Characters can be added, though no more than 2-3 can be in the main cast, to enrich the storyline. These characters also need to be appropriatley casted. Many OC's fit best in a Secondary Character role, to support the main cast and open up chapter ideas.

No matter how you do these, a Virtual Season requires a lot of skill to write and last and only the best can write one. You could certainly try, and maybe you'll succeed. However, it is not advised to write a Virtual Season for your first fanfic.

**Quickie Author Rundown**

Just in case any newcomers are going to suggest chapter ideas, or make requests to some of the more well known authors, let me just briefly run down their specialties and failings. This is also for humor, but I'm trying to be serious at the same time.

_**Guide**_

**Preffered Genres: **Genres the author prefers to write for.

**Unliked Genres: **Genres the author doesn't write for, doesn't mean author does not like to READ THEM.

**Specialties: **Areas the author succeeds in. Help to those who want to sugest ideas.

**Failings: **Areas I think the author doesn't do as well with. Mainly there for HUMOR ONLY!

_**Malcolm Fox**_

**Preferred Genres: **Humor

**Unliked Genres: **Action, Angst, Tragedy

**Specialties: **Character Balance, Cutaways, Crossovers

**Failings: **Action Scenes that make sense to the plot, Plot

_**Ander Arias**_

**Preffered Genres: **Humor, Supernatural, General

**Unliked Genres: **Action/Adventure

**Specialties: **Character Balance, Secondary Cast, Pop Culture Gags

**Failings: **Action Scenes, Protagonist Roleplaying (opinion), Self Parody, Parody, Plot

_**Liana-Wolfe**_

**Preferred Genres: **Humor, Parody, Action

**Unliked Genres: **Unknown At this time.

**Specialties: **Fourth Wall Gags, FF Community Gags, Low-Paced Action Scenes.

**Failings: **Plot

_**Haylias**_

**Preffered Genres: **Humor, Drama, Action

**Unliked Genres: **Unknown

**Specialties: **Dramatic Scenes, Random Fights, Parody

**Failings: **Easy Flowing Action Scenes

_**Masquerade-Angel**_

**Preffered Genres: **Romance, Drama

**Unliked Genres: **Humor, Parody

**Specialties: **Tense Emotional Moments, Romantic Scenes, Novel Style Of Writing

**Failings: **Balancing Description With Dialogue, Overplays Drama Just A Tad

_**Bhaalspawn**_

**Preffered Genres: **Humor, Drama, Action, Supernatural, Romance, Family, Tragedy, Hurt/Comfort, Spiritual, Friendship

**Unliked Genres: **Angst

**Specialties: **Versatility, High Energy Action Scenes, Dramatic Family Moments, Boundary Pushing, Parody Sue, Slapstick Humor, Self Parody, Plot, Two-Parters

**Failings: **Cutaways, Pop Culture Gags, Incredibly Offensive Humor, Parody, Common Sense, Goes To Far Sometimes, Description, Realistic Dialogue, Chapter Length

**Conclusion**

Well that concludes this rundown of character types and story types. This was more a rundown for newcomers who want to decide what to do for a new fanfic, and how their characters can be cast. I hoipe you enjoyed it, and if you are a veteran to fanfiction, I hope you enjoyed laughing at my subjective stupidity.

~Still working on those interview questions, Liana~

~Material~


	30. Meg And Eddie: Friends Or Foes

**Meg And Eddie: Friends Or Foes?**

_**Previously On Full Punctuation (Well, not really.)**___

To me, the Virtual Season trend is dying, and if Meg and Eddie convinces me otherwise, then I will bend back and swallow my own head.

_**Now, The Conclusion**_

The bad news for you lovers of spectacle, is that while Meg and Eddie isn't that bad a fic, my head gets to stay right where it is. My promise was to start gargling if it convinced me that the trend of Virtual Seasons wasn't over, and I can already hear the words COP OUT ringing in my ears. So how's this ZP reference doing for ya?

Anyway, the story for MAE (Acronym, just explaining that to Aldovas) follows someone from Meg's elementary school years returning to Quahog. Oho! I see who you're slightly copying there Aldovas! Anyway, instead of being the best and only friend, Eddie is one of Meg's former tormentors who has returned, and now completley regrets having bullied her when he sees how cute she is. Somewhat confusing, but at least it's original. As a device to drive the story, it does the job alright. Eventually Meg begins to warm to him, and they become friends. Now, I haven't read the lastest chapter, but apparently Meg and Eddie are having some sort of fight, and there's a plot involving Connie... I don't know.

The big thing that turned me off MAE was the horrible English. Unlike The Spellbook, the grammer is confusing enough to make someone totally miss the chapter's point, and it's difficult to proofread it to your own comfort as you read. The words seem jumbled and fall over each other very fast. The Grammer also doesn't help by the fact that the story is really hard to follow anyway, so it's like trying to read a first grader's report on the French Revolution and you have Astigmatism.

But let's move onto the festering Bone Marrow of a Virtual Season, it's male protagonist. Ediie is... wait a minute, he's been barely developed. He's currently a cardboard cutout, like oh so many other OC's. Why is he even here? He seems to be suffering from what I call "Arias Syndrome." The biggest symptom of Arias Syndrome is a character who is merely put into a story to meet some kind of end. The first sufferer of Arias Syndrome was Matthew Kennedy, who was put into the story to simply get Meg pregnant so she would give birth to a baby girl. Eddie, I'm not sure what End he's meeting yet, so we'll find out won't we. Arias Syndrome can be cured, and it's easier to do in a Virtual Season than other stories.

Anyway, the bad Grammer, cutout characters, and confusing plot make the story not worth reading. It's worth a look, but not a very long one. Aldovas seems to be trying to capitalize on the former success of Bhaal, Malcolm and Ander with this format, but Virtual Seasons as a format are dying anyway. Meg's Family has already stopped, The Spellbook's humor is starting to wane and waver, and even with WI2's triple headed storytelling and three-dimensional characters, it's not too far from ending itself. MAE is a story that's trying so hard to be part of the big boy's club that you can practically hear the webpage straining with the effort. So maybe it's time to forget about this format and move onto the next big innovation... like Fan Games? Or a story made of... fruit?


	31. 2009 Family Guy Fanfiction Awards

**The 2009 Mid Year Family Guy FanFiction Awards (Or Fammys, for short.)**

Well fuck. I really didn't want to end up in this position. The only reason I decided to host this thing every six months was for an emergency fallback for when the inevitable fic drought kicked in. I was hoping to have Meg's Family to re-review by now, but time makes fools of us all... Virus Deletion setback time to be precise. My future self will probably be reading it by the time this episode goes out, but fuck my future sefl! He's had something against me ever since he started putting on weight.

Oh well, let's go on shall we?

For the most part, the winners of any award that were available for Nomination will be one of the candidates that was nominated, unless I have severe feelings otherwise, but that's unlikely to happen (wink, wink.)

**On With The Awards**

**The Fanfic Awards: Genre Category**

Over the last year there have been many entries to a number of differnt genres. Sadly, none of the interesting candidates were nominated. The same four or five fics were nominated to every shitty fucking section. I really should have put a limit on how many times someone could nominate Malcolm, for example.

**Action/Adventure**

Action/Adventure is an interesting genre. Rare in Family Guy fanfiction, it's difficult to get a decent fight going with the Griffins that is required to the plot. _Brian's Dilema _then grasped the wrong end of entirely the wrong stick and made his fight scenes confusing and hard to follow. But you know what? That's fine. It left people skimming over it, pausing to imagine what was happening. In a good action scene, the reader will pause, or read slowly so that they can picture what's going on.

A good writer can make the reader take three times as long to read a fight scene, therefore extending how long the chapter seems to be. Haylias did that marvelously. Congratulations goes to Haylias, as soon as someone get's a hold of him.

**Comedy**

Comedy is a shifty genre. Most FG FF Comedies result in slapstick or shouty humor, and while there's no reason this couldn't work as a delivery stragety, it get's old and grating after a while. Stories like _Meg's Boyfriend _had punchline humor. You would get a stream of dialogue, usually of someone arguing, that would end with a funny one-liner that kept the audience laughing. But lately, stories like _Meg's Family _and _The Spellbook _have downgraded to shouty stupidity humor, where all the characters are shallow and two dimensional, and only serve to put one stupid joke after another.

_Attack Of The 100ft Meg Griffin_, by comaprisant, stuck with punchlines. The humor was flowing, and showed up at pivotal times. The story stood alone as well, and wasn't only as good as it's next joke, unlike most mainstream Comedy fiction. So I guess Grey-X get's this award, if only by default.

**Supernatural**

A shifty genre. Most people will be unsurprised to hear that _The Spellbook _takes this award. In that case, prepare to be surprised, because it DOESN'T! I feel that Ander has missed the point of Supernatural forces. It centers around an unknown entity, toying with the lives of people, like a malevolent, trickster God. The Silent Hill town from those old games was a good example. In _The Spellbook_, the titular spellbook only serves to get stolen, and even when it does show off some magic, it's rarely ambivilant in any sense. Mostly they're just little tricks or gimmicky powers that most people get bored of after a while.

_Meg Apparation_, however, keeps in step. Meg gains ghost powers, and the malevolence is when she goes into a dream realm when she's asleep and set to the whims of several unnamed forces. The fact that Meg is continuiously hunted is a nice addition to the genre as well. Congratulations, Liana-Wolfe.

**Romantic Drama**

Well we knew it would have to happen some time or another. For those of you who are new to this fic, let me briefly summarize my feelings of Romantic Dramas: EEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWW EHHHHHHHHHHHHH! And they're all about as stimulating as a firepoker in the eye. Anyway, there have been some good ones. Honorable Mention goes to _Whispering Illusion_, sadly being disqualified for not being a romantic drama. It was subtle, up until the balls tightening ending, and followed everything with good flow and excellent characters.

_LAAL_ probably sweeps this award, as it follows everything that Romantic Drama should be: Woman makes man sad, Man becomes angsty cunt, everyone want woman, go fight for woman. While it's part of Brian's biggest ventures into Canon Sue, it does the format well, and even goes so far as to end well. I liked one aspect of it, in the fact that partway through, Brian realizes that trying to get together with Lois is a fucking stupid idea. So Masquerade-Angel wins for that alone. YES I CAN BE PETTY!

**Romantic Comedy  
**

Oh fuck off! There are no Romantic Comedy's here.

**Comedic Drama  
**

Ahh, my favorite genre. Good mention goes to _Broken WIngs_, however I haven't read it. But from what I gather it does it's best to mesh these genres. Comedy and Drama just don't work well together, and it takes a skilled writer to sit them down, and force them to resolve their differences.

Speaking in which, the winner of this award would have to be _Whispering Illusion 2_. The Virtual Season format works well for this genre, and you can make your episode either funny or dramatic, depending on what mood you're in. Bhaal is a skilled writer in both Comedy and Drama, which aren't easy to write for. He does his Comedy well without resorting to making the characters act like idiots. His main character is a smartass who constantly has to tolerate jokes being made at his omnipotence and his screentime, and that's always a plus. He does Drama well too, by giving tense and touching moments without making it overly depressing. Congratulations Bhaalspawn.

**Horror**

Another rare genre. Horror is a rarely seen aspect of most sections, and Family Guy absolutely skull-fucks it. First, the characters are hard to turn into brutal psychotics, or even the subtle tricksters that are prevelant in GOOD horror. _The Griffin's Madness_ is a strange horror fic, as it just jumps right into the brutal slaughter. Haylias hasn't been writing anything really good in a while, so maybe he's just lost his touch.

The winner would have to be _Pushed Too Far_. For one, it doesn't jump right into the horror. The story follows Meg, having gone through one too many pranks, and her mind finally snaps. When Peter comes home alone, he finds a number of horrible things around the house, including a tape that tells Peter when he died. There's also a good use of lightning flashes and stillness. It takes me back to old Silent Hill games where you'd wander around, bleary-eyed in a ruined city for a half an hour before you even saw a monster. Meg takes the perfect amount of time to fuck with Peter's head, and even when she does kill him, she doesn't use the old boring, American method of shooting him in the head, or stabbing him. No, she cuts his limbs off, and strangles him with his own intestines. That is a true horror fic.

**Spiritual**

For those of you wondering "Where are the _Worst _Awards we were voting for?" Well, I use one of the fics that was nominated as Worst as the example before I announce the winner. Sometimes I'll use two or three. If I jump right to the winner, that means nobody voted in Worst.

Anyway, the only nomination for this genre was for _When You're Gone_, a dark fic that follows Meg's reaction after finding out that Kevin was dead. I'm guessing that that was the whole point of the lack of reaction in the actual show, maybe we were supposed to fill in that blank for ourselves. Anyway, the tone was fitting, the reactions and emotion from Meg was astounding, and all in all it was a great oneshot. Congratulations to whoever won, because I'm too lazy to go find out.

**Friendship**

Again, not a very common genre anywhere. Firendship fics usually follow two good friends as they have an adventure of some sort together. Now, Friendship fics are usually known for having two main characters of opposite genders, and their reactions and dialogue make people wonder if they're going to get together. _Faith Toleration_ was an interesting fic for this. A lot of people said there wasn't much romance, but I think that it worked. Meg and Brian always did fit as a friendship pairing, not a romantic pairing. It's sweet and an interesting oneshot. Sadly, the author can't win this award, because he just wrote an alternate ending to a pre-existing Family Guy episode, which is CHEATING!

_Whispering Illusion _was another shining example of a Friendship fic. It showed an Original Character, who had a pre-existing relationship with a Canon Character, who was nothing but nice to her throughout the whole story. It even showed several little romantic moments, and several attempts for them to kiss. It was two of the best of friends who had secret crushes on eachother. Now, the romance was waaaaaay too overplayed in the last few chapters, and the song in Matt's will was a little corny, but oh well. No writer's perfect... unless your name is Slash Firestorm.

**Parody**

_Attack Of The 100ft Meg Griffin_

**Spin-Off**

_High School Confidential _was the original Spin-Off. It was semi-episodic, broken up into two little plotlines, and was covered in incest humor, which is always funny. It was a spin-off of Meg's Family, if you can believe that, and followed Maddie, CJ, and Tilly in their teens. I see no reason why this couldn't work as a storytelling strategy, but it suffers from "Paradox Symdrome", this means that the timeline for many events is set back so it can occur in the present day. Maddie's birth, for one, is moved back from 2007 to 1991, as are the rest of the characters. The Canon Characters don't appear that much, but that's fine. That's the whole point of a spin-off. I don't know if the story's complete, but if it isn't, I look forward to reading the rest of it.

Another good Spin-Off was the _Whispering Delusion _Series. So far they've had two stories. If follows around Meg's miscarried child from WI2, and they go on a number of adventures trying to take care of the new baby. The second part of the series follows after God takes away the baby, and the family storms Heaven to rescue him. The great thing about it is that is utalizes all the Canon Characters, though not quite as well as some other fics. Character's personalities feel interchangeable and don't flow very well.

In all, I guess the award would have to be a tie between these two stories. Good job guys.

**Drama**

_Her_

**Worst Overall Fanfic**

I saw someone vote for _Whispering Illusion 2 _for this. That confuses me. Take one of the most popular fics on this site, a fic that has more innovation than the other FGVS combined, and tell me it's the worst out of 451 stories on this entire site. Even worse than the crappy Stewie oneshots you would find on the back page? Wow.

I can't really award Worst Fanfic to anyone, as I haven't read some of the really bad ones. The worst one would probably be at the back page, probably the first fanfic ever uploaded here.

**Best Overall Fanfic**

Oh, we'll come back to this (wink wink).

**Final Thoughts On Genres**

This is what a story all comes down to. The Genre and tone. Everyone has their preference, and the genre you pick will make or break your target audience. Drama, Angst, Horror and Tragedy all have relatively small audiences. Comedy, Parody, Romance, and General all have rather large audiences. Just as a note, what the hell does General mean anyway? What, anything you can't fit into the other twenty genres?

Oh well. Like I've said before, the genres that are harder to pull off usually make for better stories, if the author can do it well. However, going on about the genre of a story is pointless, since at this stage, most of the FG fanfiction authors still need to LEARN TO SPELL!

**The Fanfic Awards: Pairing Category**

The biggest question that has been asked for a while is "What's the best pairing?" That's easy, read on and find out what fanfics use what pairings.

**Stewie/Brian**

Mgugh... I really was hoping nobody would vote in this category. i can't stand this as a pairing for most of the time. Anyway, honorable mention goes to _Dingo And The Baby_, which I actually liked. I liked it for one reason. Brian got arrested for pedophilia. Just like in LAAL, Brian realizes that the pairing he's in is a fucking Stupid idea. There wasn't really any more of a story, so let's move on, shall we?

Winner of this award is _A Good Man Is Hard To Find_, as it takes the inappropriate gay/bestiality/pedophilia circle, and just turns it into the stomachable "gay" pairing. Brian is turnined into a human, and Stewie is an adult. Now that's tolerable.

**Lois/Brian**

Oh fuck off!

**Meg/Brian**

Well here we are. The only story nominated was a good one. _Brian and Me_, despite the atrocious story, horrible writing, and calamitous delivery, give a good sense to how Brian/Meg should work. Mind you, Aldovas totally ruined it by having their child be a "lazy" dog that acts like a human. It would be nice to see another character that was human, but with doglike tendacies, like I've said many times, but fuck that. Everyone loves Brian, so let's make a million characters that follow the same format.

Brian/Meg has long been a friendship pairing. It's worked on that level, and maybe with a bit of romantic fluff. It's a pairing you hint at, not downright do. Subtlety is great for any pairing, and it would be nice to see someone other than Bhaal and Liana be able to pull it off.

**Meg/Kevin**

_A Whole Lotta Meg._

**Brian/Jillian**

Brian/Jillian fits another Friendship pairing. Honorable mention goes to... oh wait. The Spellbook wins by default. Anyway, Brian/Jillian makes for good laughs as a smart person and a dumb blonde are almost bound to rebound off eachother. Jillian herself is one big blonde joke anyway.

**Meg/Original Character**

Are we done with the Brian pairings now? A lot of pairings for a dead character. Anyway, here's the pairing you've all been waiting for. Yes I know you've all been waiting for it if you haven't skipped to it already. Honorable Mention goes to _Meg's Family_, sadly being disqualified for using cardboard. It started the whole trend, and went as far as to be satarical of teen love. But sadly, Zack is just not a character that fits well as a love interest. He has nothing in common with Meg, rarely does anything really romantic with her, and only serves to be Peter's sidekick anyway.

_The Spellbook _is another nominee for this prestigious award. But again, there's no common ground, aside from both of them being black sheep. Matthew Kennedy is another cardboard cutout character, with all the depth of a spoon, and it just doesn't mesh well with the other characters. In case you haven't noticed, it's not about the best story that uses the pairing, it's about the story that uses the pairing best.

The winner would have to be _Whispering Illusion 2. _Now, before all the hardcore Malcolm fans take it in turns to piss through my mailbox, let me explain. Matthew Ryder scores several points right off the bat for having a backstory as Meg's friend. He also holds a genuine love for her, and even goes so far as to throw her a kiss, which is more than Zack or Kennedy do. Also, he shows a strong devotion to her, and would kill to keep her safe. He's not only her love interest, but her protector. It makes sense if you frequently read romance novels... uh... hoo-boy. There's no recovering from this gay moment is there?

Anyway, their relationship isn't based mostly on their child, and can function as a group without their baby around. _The Spellbook _and _Meg's Family _usually have Maddie or Rosie be the deliverer of screentime to Meg and her husband, which loses points. The stories are still good, but they hardly use any Meg/OC anymore. So maybe if they dropped that aspect, and simply stuck with Virtual Season, I might have been kinder to them.

**Brian/Original Character**

_Lust, Affairs and Love._

**Stewie/Original Character**

_Whispering Illusion 2 _works well with this pairing. It utilizes the fact that Stewie is a kid, and fits him with an appropriate pairing. Stewie in a straight pairing is rare enough as it is, but finding one as cute and funny as Stewie/Jaina. The original reasoning for this pairing was to make incest jokes without needing ridiculous plot points to get them. But after a while, they began to grow as a couple, and the romance plot just fell into place. Now, the fact that it's incest doesn't matter.

Stewie/Jaina fits well, and while Stewie gets a little OOC a few times, that can be forgiven the odd time it shows up. The reactions between the two is well written, and perfectly delivered, and rarely does anything particularly offensive.

**Final Thoughts On Pairings**

Pairings are what make or break a story, just like genres. They go hand in hand with their genre to give you your target audience. If you make a Stewie/Brian romance fic, then your target audience is going to be furvetic pedophiles. If you make a Meg/OC fic, then your target audiece is going to be either drooling idiots or self important bearded tossers who read too much into things for a living (ME!).

Some pairings are more entertaining than others. Pairing Meg with on Original Character can work any way. One of the best things to see is some snarky chemistry and charming dialogue between Meg and her partner, sadly only one author has mastered writing good chemistry between sets of characters.

**The Author Awards: Canon Character Portrayal**

Please hold any fanboy rage until the end of the show. I really don't see Malcolm winning any of these awards... I'll pause so you can all go find your socks that just blew off. Read on to find out why.

**Peter**

Perhaps one of the most interesting characters I have ever met. Peter is interesting in the same sense that a twisted rat with a severed head is interesting. In Family Guy itself, Peter has a great amount of subtlety. His stupidity is obvious, but he doesn't do any genuinly evil stuff because of it. He blew up a Children's Hospital, true, but that seemed more like an accident than anything else, and the amount of regret he held for the first twelve seconds was interesting.

However, some authors take Peter's normality and absolutely skull-fuck it. _Malcolm_ is a good example. He's reduced Peter's personality to one stupid line after another, and Peter, while still being somewhat in character, is rather frontal with all his stunts. He doesn't have that good intention that's blinded by low intelligence, and shows that with one sexist or belated remark after another.

_Grey-X _is perhaps the winner, as he keeps in step in Attack about how Peter is desperatley trying to be a good father and husband, but is just going about it the wrong way, and maybe needs a bit of help. _Bhaal_ was another good candidate with his latest chapter, that proved that Peter's personality has thoughts and fears and insecurities, you know, like what we tiresome human beings have.

So all in all, Grey-X wins the award for Portrayal of Peter Griffin.

**Lois**

Lois has always been a strange character. Lately in the show, she's been flitting schitzophrenicly back and forth between psychotic nympho and caring mother. Lois has her limits, especially when dealing with a child as whiny as Meg, but it's difficult to get that far, and it only comes out in a few episodes. Lois has always been good in the Support Character role, and doesn't succeed anywhere else. As a bit character, she's had too much fleshing out to be able to step back, and as a Protagonist for an episode, Lois just doesn't hold the attention of someone for very long.

_Bhaal _has realized this perfectly, and uses Lois in the occasional role to bring the voice of reason, or comfort to another character that's more vital to the plot. She's put back into her caring role, and has become a welcome change in the family. She also allows her damaged son-in-law to call her Mom, which was a very good piece of dialogue in it's chapter alone.

_Malcolm _holds the similar format, but keeps her tonal shift every now and again. But sadly, Malcolm makes a few too many blunt jokes, especially when the odd joke is hinted that Lois never wanted to have kids, thus treating them like crap. Lois's role in Meg's Family had so much going for it, but as it went further, everything I liked dribbled away, one by one.

Bhaal wins if only for coherence.

**Stewie**

Now, despite how horrible an author may be, it's really hard to write Stewie OOC. In fact, if an author can write him OOC, then I'll personally award them a medal in person. Anyway, Stewie's always had so much in his personality, and he's very versatile. You can take any major port of his personna and use it alone, or you can mix them all. Any way you do, He'll be characterised pretty well. Stewie is the Family Guy Character with the second largest fanbase, and it shows through all the bullshit oneshots he's had. Anyway, let's go into the nominations.

Well looky here. A three-way competition between the Big Three._ Ander _himself has used Stewie rather well. He's focused on his evil side, showing his sarcastic remarks and snide comments. Pairing him with someone as inherently good as Rosie has worked for this format, and their personalities bounce off eachother. Stewie/Rosie (I apologize for writing it in pairing format) is the friendship that seems to be the most struggling. They just don't get along. Rosie spends most of her time just playing and being a kid, while Stewie tries to manipulate her to do evil with him, and fails at. This was all chucked aside, however, and a hilarious moment where Stewie cowered behind her like a little girl.

_Bhaal'_s been using Stewie rather well too. He's focused on his inherent good side, and his snarky attitude. He's chucked aside the shallow World Domination, and the ambiguious homosexuality in favor of a more human role. He's put Stewie as a support character and love interest to Jaina, and the two make a good team when they're driving a plot. Most of their plotlines involve their hinted relationship, and sitting back while Jaina's purity and Stewie's dark delivery rebound. Stewie does get a little OOC once in a while, usually when he's with Jaina, but the three times this happened, Stewie was trying to get rid of Olivia, he was reacting to her being dressed and made up for a pageant, and the third time was just for fourth wall giggles. It's hard to take anything Bhaal does with Stewie seriously, as he uses him for humor and cute fluff, and little else. He's amde him into a whole character, which is a process he's slowly doing with all the Canon Characters... very slowly.

_Malcolm _has his mind set on a more humorous route. He keeps Stewie's World Domination in there, and there are a few chapters where his plans go awry, much like the earlier FG episodes. He's teamed up with Maddie, who's just as evil and vindictive as he is. Malcolm may be overplaying his homosexuality though, as all the subtlety has been cut away and used to pick up some broken glass. Stewie is given far more proof to being gay than he ever was, and it's getting rather worrysome. One of the most interesting things about him in the show was that you weren't sure if he was gay or not, as both were hinted at. In Meg's Family, Stewie is so flaming you would assume he looked at Meg. (BAZING)

Despite all the bad things these authors have done with Stewie, I'll admit that they all do Stewie well, and I'm going to award Best Portrayal Of Stewie to the entire Virtual Season Team. (VST! That's what we can call them! Told you I'd come up with something!)

**Meg**

This is the bit where the big nerds get to beat me up and take my lunch money, because I'll admit I'm not the biggest Meg fan anymore. Her character is grating and annoying, and all the things I used to love about her all dribbled away.

Anyway, _Malcolm_ was nominated for this award simply out of principle. He's got Meg down pretty well, he's kept her in step with her in-show personality, but the problem with her in-show personality is that there ISN'T ONE! Meg's a whiny little bitch who can't stand up for herself to save her life. She stumbles around, desperatley trying to be popular, and cries when she doesn't get her way. These were the girls we used to tell to suck it up and move on in Junior High. Meg just doesn't have any strength. You'd think after all the crap she's been through, she'd be a little resilient. Malcolm follows that to the letter, making Zack's only good moments be when he's showing some compassion.

_Liana-Wolfe _wins this category, as she gave Meg the strength to do whatever she wished, and turned her into a badass action girl. What's good about it is that she's still a girl. She acts like an actual human being, with real feelings and values and other stuff that people have. I'd say Liana's character development is most reminiscent to authors like Bhaalspawn or Slash Firestorm. These three will sacrifice humor in exchange to make a character that's actually likeable and three dimensional. They don't bother with shallow characters, and chuck them aside, leaving the quality of their writing much higher than most others. Congratulations to Liana, I hope you enjoy it.

**Chris**

_Bhaalspawn_

**Brian**

I guess _Ander Arias _would have to take this award. He's kept Brian in character for the most part, and shows him with fears, and he's also wrong sometimes. I have no problem with characters that are always right, but it only works with moral choices, like about returning a cat, or calling the police because your friend is being hurt. But political views are a waste of time and energy for this type of character. And Brian is VERY Liberal. Anyway, Ander Arias managed to give a good explaination as to why Brian never wanted to move in with Jillian at the start, and kept him in step with that.

Aside from a few episodes, he's been downgraded to a support character that offers help to the other characters and stands in the background when he isn't needed. Congratulations Ander, you've grasped what Brian is perfect for.

**Joe**

The fuck?

**Bit Characters**

Bit characters, like Jillian, Olivia, Janet, Victor, Death, and oh so many others are what makes a Family Guy fic feel like Family Guy. If you throw in some Bit Characters every now and then, your audiance is going to be happy, and say things like "Hey it was the girl from the daycare! That's awesome!" They enrich the plot, as they have the "Look who it is, kids" effect. _Malcolm Fox _has taken these Bit Characters, and made them main characters in Meg's Family. This is perhaps the only Canon Character Portrayal award Malcolm will win. He grasps their personality, and their lack of development makes them great for Malcolm's Cardboard Cutout style.

**Final Thoughts On Canon Character Portrayal**

Many of you will probably be wondering about some of the choices for these awards. Some of you may be wondering why Malcolm won so few of them. While he uses the characters enough, they aren't portrayed very well. They've totally lost all their subtlety, act like total idiots around everyone else, and have become Cardboard Cutouts. This may be the effect of total Humor stories, as when you run out of smart jokes to make you have to resort to lowbrow, vain Comedy. Other authors, like Ander, Bhaal and Liana, dont use them as often, but do better when they do. Ander has the family togetherness that warms our hearts, Liana has the genuine reactions and dialogue, and Bhaal has gone very deep and given the characters fears, and thoughts and insecurities, like real human beings.

I guess what I'm trying to get through is that Portrayal isn't about how often you use a character, it's about how well deep and thoroughly they're written when you _do _use them.

**The Author Awards: Original Characters**

All fics are about their characters. But the audience doesn't always want to read about the Canon Characters all the time. Answering to this calling, Authors make Original Characters to enrich and change the direction of a story. If written well, then you have a character that everyone wishes was on the show. If done badly, then you'll be butt-fucked by flaming comments from flamoyant Meg-o-sexuals.

**Protagonist (Best and Worst)**

There have been a number of protagonists throughout the years, but only lately have any good ones been written. Let's start with the worst, shall we?

And the winner of Worst Protagonist is.......... _Malcolm Fox_. His protagonist started out as a well written character. He was witty, sarcastic, and overly snide. Lately though, Zack has been wandering around Bad Peter territory. He's nothing more than an idiot who hangs around Peter and does stupid things with him. Now, the most witty thing he could possibly do is slap Peter in the back of the head, the cartoon equivilant of saying "Your Mom" as an insult. Zack had so much going for him, but all his character was washed away just to make a few cheap jokes. Congratulations Malcolm, you ruined what could have been the best character ever written.

Understanding Malcolm's major screw-up, _Bhaalspawn _sweeps the Protagonist category. Matthew Ryder has been a beacon of good writing. He has a solid personality that stays consistent throughout the whole story, an array of talents, besides his powers, that he's good at, a charming attitude, and an all around likeable character. Sure, he's got more than a few Mary Sue traits, and there's little he's not good at, but who cares? Maybe we should stop the pointless nitpicking and just embrace the spectacle. And I must say, engineering a scenario where Matt can brutally beat the stupid out of Meg, or vice versa, while the family screams for blood is very satisfying.

**Love Interest**

Like it or not, a story is going to have a love interest for their main character. They can be well fitted, or simply crowbared in. _Matthew Kennedy _is a good example of one that was crowbared in. I'm not quite sure exactly where Ander was going with him. His personality is somewhat generic, and seems interchangeable with Family Guy Bit characters, and his appearance isn't that impressive either. The little bits of his personality that were shown, such as his hatered of World of Warcraft or his obsession with wrestling, make some interesting things bubble to the field. There's the potential for true greatness here, that just a bit more polishing can bring out.

Anyway, despite my complaining, Kennedy does win the Love Interest award. He fits what a real love interest is, a Support Character that's paired with one of the main cast. He's paired to Meg, like so many other OC's, and looking back on the author notes and gimmicks Ander uses, I can't help but wonder if Matthew's a self insertion to some degree? As his hatred of WoW, love of Wrestling, and adoration of Meg are all traits shared by his creator.

**Guide/Parent Figure**

Where would the characters be without a guide? Well, they'd have to be omniscient to keep the plot going. Guide Characters are there to offer, you guessed it, guidance to the other characters when they need it, and assistance when they need it even more. The two main nominations for this award are _Ayumu _and _Daphne_.

_Ayumu _is an interesting Guide character, as he also fits the Supernatural Being category. Ayumu offers guidance to Meg in dealing with her newly aquired Ghost Powers in Meg Apparition. Meg talks with him a lot in the first few chapters, but after a while, things start to settle down and he doesn't appear as much. He does lose points for his absence as of late, and there's little to talk about as to where he's going, so I'll have to wait and see.

_Daphne_ on the other hand, has a little more depth in why she's there. She's been tracking Miriam's spellbook and discovered it when Meg had it, and offered her a job to keep an eye on her. She usually offers Meg or Rosie assistance when dealing with new spells or powers, and appears during combat chapters, which aren't very often. Despite all this, Daphne appears other times than to offer guidance, sometimes to fuel a joke or to get a chapter going. She works with Plant based magic, which I guess would make her a Shaman or Witch Doctor or something, I don't know. My aunt's a Shaman, so I'm reaching here.

**Comic Relief**

Maclolm certainly got the point of Comic Relief with Zack. That's all he is really, and nothing more. Making people laugh is really the only string to his bow. Zack is a one-hit wonder, the Vanilla Ice of FG character. All his personality has been as of late is going from one increasingly ridiculous joke to another. Not that that's a bad thing, Comedy is great when you need cheering up, but it quickly starts repeating itself. In-lieu of character development, we just get a Chicken/Lobster fight, straight out of the What Not To Do school of plot-writing. But it works. He tells the jokes and the peoples laugh, so he must be doing something right.

**Supernatural Being**

Supernatural Beings have always enriched the story of anything really. They're strange nature, they're unique appearance, and they're bizzare interactions do make for the fun times. More often than not, an author will do the Supernatural Being well, and they can fit any role. They make for interesting and complex Protagonists, they do well in a Support Character role, and they can function as a Bit Character or Love Interest. Depending on what role you chose will determine exactly how much backstory and depth the character needs.

_Rosie Kennedy _is an interesting example of a Supernatural Being. She's a witch, but the only factor to that seems to be her powers. She is bratty and egotistical at times, but other times she kind and good, she does not have much in terms of talents, and she's really in the Support Character role as of late. The only thing that makes Rosie supernatural is her powers, and even they aren't that fleshed out or used very often. The whole Witch thing is a little overdone anyway. Majic has always been getting more and more boring. Good examples of Magic were in bewitched, where it was used for Comedy, or in Harry Potter, where it was boiled down to an almost exact science. Rosie is a good witch, but a little overdone.

_Jaina Ryder _wins, because she's a little original. She's part Angel, and it reflects in her abilities and her personality. Jaina's powers are mostly Light and Holy based, as opposed to her father's Dark and Shadow spells. Jaina's angelic lineage also reflects her character development. She's inherently good in nature, and has a pure mind. She doesn't see much evil in the world, and believes anyone can be redeemed. She doesn't do anything bratty or michievious like her sisters do, so it makes her personality stand out from them. Jaina's long been marked as the cute and cuddly little girl, as she's always with Stewie or her father, and she loves them both dearly. She has that childlike innocence that is rarely seen in Family Guy characters, and is all around a very well written character. Jaina is the mark of a real Angel, someone who'se pure and good.

**Support Character**

Malcolm Fox for Raven.

**Bit Character**

Like I said earlier, Bit characters really enrich a storyline if the depth is suffering. You don't usually see Original Characters in the Bit role, but CJ Russel fits the role very well. He doesn't show up very often, and his role is usually a humorous burst of intelligence, or some random stupidity humor. I don't really like the idea that CJ is dumber than a cream slice, because I feel Malcolm get's enough of stupid characters in the main cast. He's almost exactly like Chris, so I wonder why Malcolm put in a new character instead of using... I'unno, Chris?

**Straight Man**

The straight man is usually an intelligent person who has to tolerate the other characters' bullshit and be generally unaffected by it. One good nomination was for Zack Murdock... okay I can't say that with a straight face.

Matthew Kennedy has to win this one, because that's how he's characterized. One of the things that made him the tolerable Straight Man was that, in lieu of character development, Matt has the uncanny ability to supress his rage into nothing. He has to tolerate the stupidity of the other characters, and what makes him a better candidate than Zack is that he's not a colossal moron.

**Voice Of Reason**

No valid nominations

**Mary Sue/Anti Sue**

See comments regarding Voice Of Reason.

**Final Thoughts On Character Roles**

Given the variety of roles you can have for an Original Character, it's impossible to create a character that can fit all these roles. Apparantly some people don't agree with me because they nominated Zack Murdock for almost every single FUCKING one. Most Original Characters have lately been following the rule "Let's Be Like Meg's Family." But I remember when OC's didn't all follow in step behind that over-the-top festival of mediocrity. When OC's could have been upbeat goths, or backwards Christians, or wisecracking mysogyinistic dickheads. I remember when OC's had a bit of depth to them, with personality traits other than low anger threshold and low intellect.

I remember OC's like Rose, and Chaos, and Eddie... although on reflection, I'd rather forget about them.

**The Author Awards: Plot Devices**

Plot devices are yet another key point to a story. Like it or not, a story must have a plot, otherwise it's just character profiles and a list of bad pop-culture jokes.

**Plot Points**

Stories need to have something that drives the story, like an event or an occurance that creates the situation to be overcome. Ander Arias had originally grasped this concept well. With the introduciton of a Spellbook into his story, he had situations where Meg would discover a new spell in her book, show it to the family, and then Peter would screw it up somehow. It was a good way to drive the story and flowed well with the IC characters. Sadly, this has been dropped in exchange for the spellbook getting stolen by evil villians in plts that are getting more and more rididulous, and less and less funny. I really hope that Ander can get back on the track he had in his glory days, and go back to introducing some spells from the titular Spellbook.

**Pacing**

Another aspect to a good story is proper pacing. Pacing can make or break a good story. All fics differ in their pacing, and that makes it hard to choose one. Stories like The Spellbook or LAAL have very slow pacing, and while that's something you may want to brag about, it's not. Very slow pacing drags everything out mercilessly, and results in chapters that are too long and rather boring in a lot of sections. On the other hand, fics like Meg's Family are too fast. Everything stumbles over each other, and it just jumps from one joke to another.

Bhaalspawn has grasped pacing very well. He's not too fast and not too slow. His story moves at a good, average pace, and doesn't forgo character development just to make a joke. I've always marked WI2 as a beacon of good writing style, which is one of the three main keys to a story's success. So congratulations Bhaal.

**Self Parody**

This would be another award that Bhaal sweeps. He always makes fun of himself, with everything from his writing to his sexuality. This parody follows onto his characters, who are very quick to laugh at themselves and their obvious flaws... or lack there of.

This is opposed to other writers, like Ander Arias. Arias is weird in the sense that he gets very offended when you make a small dig at one of his characters, or even when you critisize his fic. Another thing is that Arias simply takes things way to seriously, and that's a bad trait to have in FAMILY GUY fanfiction. Maybe a few more jokes made at his own expense might get him to loosen up a bit, and perhaps join the rest of us on making excellent humor.

**Character Parody**

While Bhaal can easily make fun of his own characters without taking away from the feel of the story, he also gets offended when somebody else makes fun of his characters. This does not happen all the time, but usually only when Ander does it. Personally, I think it's less of Bhaal getting offended, and more of his way of pointing at the guilty party and saying "Ha Ha! He doesn't get it!"

**Character Accuracy**

I'm sorry, but I can't find any winner for this award. I'm serious. The only people with the skill to write the Canon Characters are Bhaal, Maclolm, Ander, and Liana, and they all have their major flaws.

So first up, let's start with Malcolm. Malcolm gets the basic tone of the characters, but lacks the detail or subtlety. All of his Canon Characters are over the top, out there, and really in-your-face types, and that's not a key trait of any of the Canon Characters.

Ander grasps the personalities, especially Pre-Cancellation, but he lacks the reactions or social traits. Most of the dialogue lacks any descriptors of emotion, and real reactions, or any types of tone from the Canon Characters. They work well on their own, but when they have to have a conversation or argument with another character, they become generic and faceless.

Bhaal grasps the personalities, and the tonal dialogue. Characters are In Character when they talk to other characters, save for a few moments, but he lacks the use or the most obvious traits. In his attempt to SLOWLY turn each of the Canon Characters into three-dimensional characters, he lost the simple, shallow moments that made Family Guy great.

Liana has the personalities, and the subtlety, mixed well with over-the-top moments... hmmm... I guess Liana DOES win. The interesting part is that she wasn't even nominated. Maybe if the rest of you took your noses out of the Virtual Seasons, you might notice some of the under-appreaciated gems that lurk before you.

**Final Thoughts On Plot Devices**

I don't really have any final thoughts here. I've said everything that can be said on Plot Devices.

**The Pairing Awards**

Each pairing that has been used all have their winning traits. Some are cute, some are romantic, and some have that "best friend" charm that makes you love it even more.

**Jealousy**

Love has been riddled with Jealousy for years. Jealousy can destroy a relationship if it consumes a person to completley. No pairing has shown this more than Lois/Brian. Brian is in love with Lois for the longest time, but the fact that she's married to someone like Peter infuriates him. Brian even brutally attacked Peter in one episode, but after that was resolved, Brian seems to have lost his love for Lois, which makes sense. Brian falling in love with Lois is just not a good idea, and you'd be surprised how many people agree with me. Brian is categorized in these types of fics as a valiant hero fighting for love, rather than a boozing, middle-aged annoying activist that he is in real life.

The difference between Brian and Hayley Smith? Hayley's liberalism is funny.

**Love**

Some people may want me to give Meg/Zack this award. I simply cannot. Meg and Zack haven't done anything involving love in a while, and most of their romantic moments are simply to reiterate how Meg doesn't need to be popular. Zack simply hangs around with Peter too much, and doesn't spend enough time with his wife to do anything really romantic... or even fluffy.

Meg/Kennedy is another candidate, but their pairing simply seems obligatory. Both Zack and Kennedy married Meg simply because she was pregnant, and not much else. If Meg hadn't gotten pregnant, they would either still be dating, or have broken up already.

Given that, I simply cannot find a pairing that shows the right amount of love. Where two people genuinly care about each other, and act like real people in love... oh wait, the answer's right under this section:

**Friendship**

Meg/Ryder takes this, along with the Love category. Matt really cares about Meg, and that shows by their preceeding friendship before the story started. Matt was given the proper introduction, and had enough of a pre-existing connection with Meg to be paired with her. But he wasn't! At least not until it was too late. Matt continued his friendship with her, up until they kissed in the hospital and he died.

But even after he came back, they didn't get together until they had too. Of course, it was another marriage because Meg was pregnant, but it worked in this sense. Matt and Meg had the right kinds of reactions and interaction to validate a pairing. Matt really cares about her, to the point where he'll say something nice about her that comes off as an insult at first. Some people say he treats Meg badly, but he has to at some point, he's only human. It's not realistic or even healthy to worship someone and put them on a pedastal.

The romantic moments in Meg/Ryder are flawlessly written, and flow beautifully. While Matt does care about his wife, there is still some awkwardness in there. This usually takes the role of physical Comedy, where Matt hurts Meg in some way, either by whipping his arm back and elbowing her in the face, or meaning to hit Peter and miss. They even bicker sometimes like friends do, and that's always nice to see.

I've been viewing Meg/Ryder, not as a romantic pairing, but as two of the best of friends who decided to have a child together.

**Fluff/Cuteness**

Some pairings exist only to make the reader go "Awwwwww". Stewie/Jaina fits this as well. The pairing was originally created to make witty incest jokes without needing bad puns, but it evolved into the normal kid crush. Stewie/Jaina as a pairing is extremely cute, as you see the dark and evil Stewie mixed with the good and pure Jaina. Where Jaina is desperatly trying to bring out Stewie's good side, she seems to be failing. Stewie does get a little OOC some times, but it's forgiven, as it doesn't happen that often.

All in all, Stewie/Jaina's appeal is in the fact that it's two little kids who have small crushes on eachother, and that's cute and adorable. I guess Bhaal wins his award on that basis alone.

**Realistic Progression**

Meg/Zack and Meg/Kennedy simply cannot have this award. They don't flow realistically. The romance from Meg's Family or The Spellbook can be boilded down to this.

"Hi, I'm Zack."

"I'm Meg."

"OMG! Everyone else finds you ugly, but I think you're beautiful!"

"OMG! I think the same about you! Marry me!"

"OK!"

Other pairings, like Chris/Jillian or Meg/Ryder have relistic aspects to them. Chris/Jillian has a rocky start, then it goes to friendship, then they slowly start getting together. Meg/Ryder has other realistic tones, like disagreements, flirting, and the occasional massive fight. Meg and Matt even almost got a divorce at one point, which turned out to be masterminded by Matt, but frankly who gives a shit.

They both go about the relationship in a slow, easy pace, rather than the two characters adoring eachother from the very beginning. I would say they tie for this award.

**Final Thoughts On Pairings**

Some of the pairing awards were ommited. The awards Sexual Tension and Controversy were simply not nominated properly. At this point in the awards, I'm getting the feeling that some people voted for the Virtual Seasons out of principle, and that's starting to annoy me.

**The Original Character Awards**

Well we've reached the second to last section, and perhaps the most interesting. Everyone has been awestruck by the different Original Characters that have graced this section with their presence, and they have all been different. No two OC's are the same, and that's something rarely seen in an industry that's build on ripping off everyone else. Well here we go...

**Realism**

Matthew Kennedy takes this award, as he is exactly what the awards needs him to be. Totally average, completeley standard, dull, boring, normal human being. Congratulations Ander, you've created a totally normal person.

I'm kidding though. There are some good things about Kennedy. I'm not saying every character has to be so stimulating. Kennedy is a good support character, and makes a great Straight Man for the other characters. And it must be an achievement to be a normal person when you live with the Griffins. Kennedy's got some talents. He's good wih computers and he's got this strange hobby with building things out of matches, the pyro. He's certainly been redeemed from his Anti-Sueness .

(For any of you who want to argue with this statement, just don't. It's getting grating.)

Kennedy had some chapters built around him, most noteably, Be Careful What You Dream For. Sadly though, this chapter transformed into yet another Brian Chapter. So all in all, I like Matt. He's got an original astetic, and his character is okay. So if Ander just spends a little time fleshing out his personality, he'll probably be one of the OC's of next year.

**Personality**

All characters need a personality. Without one, they're just a generic cardboard cutout. Maddie Murdock is a good candidate. She's as complex as her villianous uncle, and has as much dignity. Maddie's personality traits don't merge as well as Stewie's, so she flits schitzophrenically back and forth between innocent little girl, egotistical bitch, and shallow drama queen. Sadly though, Maddie's potential is muddled by being humor only. I really think that if Malcolm added even one or two dramatic sequences that involved Maddie, her personality would be perfect for the situation.

Matthew Ryder has a good running for this award as well. He's just as complex as Maddie, with many strengths and flaws that balance him out. He's got this obligatory paragon of virtue trait, due to his job as an Angel, but he seems to have a deep conflict inside him as well. He's built for drama, but his sarcastic, smartass personna fits in well with the other characters. Now if Bhaal could just iron out the balance issues, he may have won this award.

Maddie wins if only for her balance.

**Physical Appearance**

Valarie Murdock makes this award. She's got a great appearance, is a follower of a cool trend and she looks nice... oh I might as well say it. She wins because she's hot.

**Appearance Uniqueness**

This one is a little different. The winner of this one is the character who looks the most unique. Matthew Kennedy couldn't possible win this award. One day I'd like to make a list of all the books, mavies and games that star as their protagonist, a genericly handsome, short-brown haired guy. I think I'd end up with roughly 96% of all stories ever written.

Anyway, Raven fits this well, as she doesn't look like anyone else in the multiverse. However, Malcolm just copied the Goth Clique, with is CHEATING!

Matthew Ryder dresses in black, leather robes, and wears a cloak and shoulderplates. Sadly, he was also copied from both the Jedi and a Death Knight.

Since they both cheated, I guess they tie for it.

**Self Parody**

Matthew Ryder takes this award. He and the family are always making fun of him and his obvious Mary Sue traits. He even has his Mary Sue score floating above his head which is constantly climbing and falling.

**Character Balance**

Okay, maybe some people were confused with this one. I didn't mean how the screentime was balanced out, I meant how the personalities were balanced. Zack Murdock was nominated, but he's just a bumbling idiot, which was already taken by Peter and Chris... and perhaps Brian.

Matthew Ryder fits well. He's more of the calm, collected leader. A character that's rarely seen around this section, and he's written to fit with the cast.

Maddie Murdock takes this award, though. Her innocence mixed with her manipulative nature makes for a perfect contrast. You don't rarely see such a good conflict between good and evil. Congratulations goes to Malcolm, as soon as someone wakes him up.

**Likeability**

Miriam and her sisters take this award hands down. The fact that they're so evil combined with their attractive appearance makes them the world's favorite villian. They're supposed to be unliked, due to them being evil, but that doesn't seem to happen. Sadly, much of the Miriam plots as of late have been getting a bit ridiculous, and I hope that Ander can bring back the charm and tension of the first Miriam chapter.

**Talent Balance**

...Maddie.

**Best Overall Original Character/Final Thoughts**

No. No no no no no! I can't do it. There are far too many great OC's to choose one that's the best. You can't really judge all of the OC's by the same standards anyway. Each one is different and has their own set of skills and traits, and some don't fit into the genres of others. If you really expect me to judge... say... Clio by the same standards as the VS Protagonists, then I'd have to ask you to step outside.

I guess they're all fun characters, and this is also why I can't pick one to be the worst. Actually I can, but I won't. If you all really need me to tell you which one is best, then maybe you're not a true fan of these characters. Oh well, it was bound to be revealed sometime or another.

**Best Fanfic**

Just like the last Awards, I've decided to count down the ten best Fanfics on this section.

Each Fic will be placed according to 4 key traits:

_**Plot: **_Like it or not, a story must have a plot, otherwise it's just a set of character lists and jokes you find immersed around boring filler.

_**Writing Style: **_Broken down into several sub-categories. First is Spelling and Grammer. If the Spelling and grammer is horrible, don't expect to see your fic up here. Second is balancing description with Dialogue. Too much of one will not win you a spot. Third is your formatting. Breking up description and dialogue with seperate paragraphs, using Font Styles appropriatley, and marking Cutaways effectively, these will all win you points.

_**Character Depth: **_It all comes down to how deep your characters are, and what the situation calls for. If the story is one big laugh-a-thon, then minimal depth is sufficent. If your story has a romantic pairing in it, or a marriage, then you'll need meduim depth. Drama, Romance, Comedic Drama, and Horror all require very deep and fleshed out characters. Cardboard Cutouts will not bode well here.

_**Tone: **_How does the tonal shifts work? Is there a good balance between normal tone and drama? Is the story too angsty? Too nutty? You'll find out here.

**Number Ten: Brian's Dilema**

Though the story shits itself inside out, and the fourth wall breaking gets a little monotonous, the writing style was great. The formatting could use a little work, and maybe using something other than Bold Print to marka cutaway could have worked, but overall, the characters were likeable, and the tone stayed at a rather friendly level. It was dramtic, but in the good kind. Real Drama is tense, and hostile. Being alone with something that hates you, blady blady blah. Common Drama is more about letting your characters bitch and whine about how life is so unfair to them and how they have it so hard. Emos are not dramatic.

This is a niche that BD fills beautifully. it hangs out in the rough side of Romantic/Drama town, where tearful sololiquies don't venture, for fear of getting curbstomped.

**Number Nine: Whispering Illusion**

Despite the fact that the title has absolutely fuck all to do with the story, WI grasped the tense drama that you'd see in good fiction, and relayed that with the charming and believeable characters. The friendship focus was also a little refresher from people automatically falling in love. Matt and Meg flirted well, had their romantic moments, and kept people wondering what was going to happen, until the unthinkable did, and the charming protagonsit was brutally murdered.

During the climax, it had that tense horror feel to it that chilled my bones and left me wondering what was going to happen. Congratulations Bhaal, it's spot is well earned.

**Number Eight: Meg's Family**

I know what you're thinking, _"Material, you homosexual native! Why this spot? Meg's Family is more popular than a chocolate cunnilingus machine that afterwards doesn't leaving you feeling fat and ashamed." _But that's the point. It may be popular, but it's quality has been rapidly declining. I've spent a good time in this session marking out of Meg's Family's many flaws, and it just doesn't score very high. Frankly, I'm surprised it's on the list at all.

The Cardboard Cutout characters make the story score much lower than it could have, and the plot has taken a trip to boredom town. The humor is still great, but if that becomes it's only appeal, I may just stop reading it. The Writing Style is great, and the Tone could use some work, and maybe by next year it'll score higher.

**Number Seven: A Good Man Is Hard To Find**

I will always mark this story very highly, and it's one of my absolute favorites. For one, it turns Brian into a human and Stewie into an adult, making the pairing acceptable, and For Two, the tone, writing style, and plot makes perfect sense to anone who may be reading it. The story is charming, fluffy, and dramatic when it needs to be. Congratulations Gregor, you've earned it.

**Number Six: The Spellbook**

Now, while Ander's biggest fans are busy pissing through my letterbox, let me explain it's lower-than-expected score. While The Spellbook was great in it's first twenty or so chapters, it's abandoned all the wacky charm and supernatural silliness in favor of some of the weirdest plots I've ever seen. Some of the latest chapters have been getting a bit ridiculous, like a Chinese Emperor trying to acheive everlasting life, or an old millionare becoming possesed with the spirit of a deceased warlock. You'd think that some of these ideas would call for a fiery climactic showdown, but no. All of the battles are won by a technicality or some other silly means.

And for someone who loves to brag about his character balance, there has been an awful lot of focus on Brian. At least when other authors (You know who you are) focus on one character, the character's a little interesting and deep.

But I'm rambling. Despite all the stagnation that's come lately, the Spellbook's early chapters were still good enough to earn it a spot on the Top Ten List. I just hope that Ander can clean up some of this mess he's got before him.

**Number Five: Meg Apparition**

Charming, funny, zany, and action-packed. Put all these together and what do you get? Meg Apparation. As a crossover, it normally wouldn't have a spot on the list, but it's sheer great tone and occasional seriousness earn it a spot in the Top Five, yet again. Meg Apparition is probably one of the best fics of the year, and I reccomend it to anyone who's interested in the paranormal.

**Number Four: Attack Of The 100ft Meg Griffin**

A story that was good. Nothing else to say about it, really. While Attack had some generally serious moments in it, it was going about everything with a sense of self parody. It was fully aware that it's readers were dickheads, and handed them content to suit their asanine behaivor. The story was... oh go read it yourself you lazy bum. Anyway, it was funny, well written, and despte the fact that it had waaaaay too many obscure anime references, I welcome it to the list. Congratulations Grey-X.

**Number Three: Whispering Illusion 2**

Deep, profound, and relatively funny. WI2 has long been the standard for good writing style and character creation. While the screentime is a little unbalanced, Bhaal's addressed this issue and it working out a fix. Not that there's anything wrong with role-playing your characters into back roles, but it could quickly start repeating itself. WI2, thankfully, does not repeat itself, and every plotline is unique and intuitive.

While WI2 has rather shorter chapters than Meg's Family or The Spellbook, it fits it. Bhaal's addressed that you don't need ample amounts of fillier to tell a story, and you can get you message across with less if you need to. Great thing, since most Virtual Seasons have chapters that are WAY TOO LONG! About fifty of them to be precise.

The characters are very deep, which suits the genre, the situations are well handled, and if Bhaal ever works himself into a corner, he can always Dues Ex Machina his way out with Matt. Well done Bhaal, you've earned it.

**Number Two: Meg's Boyfriend**

I hope your confusion at Meg's Family's position is alieved at this. meg's Boyfriend was always better than it's sequel. It was charming, the characters had depth, and there was a general confrontation between dumb and smart when it came between Peter and Zack. Now it's just dumb and dumber with those two.

Toward the end of Meg's Boyfriend, the chapters got a little more tense and dramatic, and the jokes were very smart jokes. Zack, as a character, was a general nice guy who had a big heart for his family. And while he may have never show and realistic love for Meg or Maddie, that family togetherness was present and likeable.

So I guess Meg's Boyfriend get's this reccomendation. If you haven't read it, read it!

**The Fanfic Of The Year...**

What with all the obvious fics already being named, I'm guessing that you're all wondering what could possibly be left. Some of you are saying "What's left? What's number one?" And others are saying "Could it be... nah, he'd never do that."

Well, to those who are saying the latter, you guessed it...

**Number One: Lust, Affairs And Love**

Despite the fact that I hate this fic and everything in it, I'll admit that it was well written, and perhaps well presented. People who are wondering what the scathing review was for, will now know that I only got about five chapters in before I wrote the review. A few days ago, I went back and read the rest of it. Around chapter six, it boasted a magical "Make The Fic Better" Scenario, and all my previous critisism dribbled away.

The overly angsty tone was buffed away to reveal the charming, warm romantic tone. The angsty protagonist was replaced with one that was much happier, and for god's sake stopped whining the whole time, and the description gave way to some actual dialogue. With all these improvements, I really can't find a story that was more well written.

Yeah, I still hate the plot and everything about it, but I have to give credit to a well written fic when it's deserving of such. So congratulations Masquerade Angel. You bested the Virtual Season Team, and came out on top.

**Conclusion**

Well, now that this year's award show has finally been wrapped up, I thank everyone who stuck around to read the whole thing. Obviously I put a lot of work into this, since it was 11,000 FUCKING WORDS! If any of you ever expect me to write this much in one sitting again, I'll feed you to the lizards!

~Has Terrible Typer's Cramp Right Now~

~Material~


	32. Griffin's Eleven

**Griffin's Eleven**

.................................................................................................Yeah it's pretty good.

_~Had to avoid swearing so the-_

Alright alright!

Having survived on table scraps for the last few decades, the old retro-fics are starting to make their way back to the front lines. Seriously, aside from the Virtual Seasons, the front page is exploding with quirky Peter fics and other weird storylines. Griffin's Eleven is one of those fics that fits into this subgenre, which is weird because it was published before any of the really popular fics even dared to show their faces.

Satine 89 is an older poster. She was around FF dot net before a lot of the more frequent FG posters. Satine shares a spot up there with Malcolm Fox, Loessar (who has yet to post anything) and Bhaalspawn who have the "Fanatic" tag on their forum posts, meaning they've been here for more than 2 years, and her experience shows.

Griffin's Eleven is written like a professional novel, so there is a lot of description of what the characters are thinking and some really in depth analysis on how they function. When Peter assaults a family friend, he's sent to jail for two years. During that time, he loses his wife, most of his friends, and discovers that many of the people around him have changed. Quagmire has become infatuated with a nineteen year old girl, Meg has started working at a casino to get by, Connie has become a two-bit pickpocket/stripper, and everyone else seems to have built their life around the Grand Cherokee casino. Lois is even dating the owner. In an effort to split them up and win Lois back, Peter decides to rob the casino for everything it's got. Employing the help of ten other people (including Quagmire, Meg, Cleveland, Connie, Joe, Stewie, Chris, Brian, Neil and Herbert) they plan an elaborate heist to steal million from the place on the biggest night of it's life.

For those of you who haven't already guessed, Griffin's Eleven is a parody of Oceans Eleven, but unlike most parodies, it's not all fun and games. The genre says Humor/Crime, but there's some spice of Drama (the real kind), Romance, Angst, and even a little Hurt/Comfort. It really reminds me of the Transformers movies, given that I haven't seen Oceans Eleven. In fact, this is as Steven Spielberg you can get without actually involving Steven Spielberg. I guess once you decide to chuck all established trends out the door, you really get to go anywhere you want with a story.

Many of the characters really succeed in endearing themselves to me. Cassie is a good example. She's got the multi-personality that I've seen in similar characters like... well look it up! Cassie's personality is seen in a lot of indie films, so if you expect me to pick out the one that stood out the most, I'll have to ask you to step outside! She's rather flirtatious at times, but she can be easily angered too. And there are times where she just breaks down and can't take it anymore. And unlike a lot of OC's with this format, she doesn't flit around at a moment's notice, but she flows very well between the three. Her cahracter is much like the girl who looks cute when she's angry.

Another character aspect I liked was how Quagmire is shown to have some genuine issues, like how the bluer his balls get, the more irratable he becomes. He also seems to be suffering a lot of stress. Well why wouldn't he be? He's orchestrating a heist on a casino with the biggest security system this side of the globe. Given that Quagmire is clearly Satine's favorite character, it made sense he would have his own subplot and be fully fleshed out.

A lot of the cutaways are just gold, but they seem to deliver with the author's setup, and not the character's. It makes the gag less story oriented, and more of just a comedian showing off. Then again, the cutaways are funny, and the jokes flow well, so that can all be safely disregarded. I liked some of the development for the other characters, like how Connie is bisexual (kinda hot if you ask me) or how Cleveland has changed his name to Frank, or even how Herbert is a good actor. I never knew this about any of those characters, but it makes perfect sense from a writing standpoint.

Satine's writing style could use some work, like marking her cutaways better. _Italic_ print, while perfectly legitamate, is kind of difficult to spot when you print out the whole story, and trying to decipher what is a cutaway and what isn't means a lot of backtracking and re-reading of sections. All I'm saying is that the use of **BOLD **print, or even just a bold cutaway marker, like the VST uses, could ease the reading process. But these flaws are unnoticeable, and I'm drawing a blank on things that could use improvement but well, I only had one night to read it, and I stayed up all night to figure this out, so I'm trying to rationalize my tired state and bleeding eyeballs.

But then I realized that if I'm trying this hard to find fault with the story, then I'm forgetting what I'm in this for: To depict the majority of FG fics as the bland garbage that they are in order to better highlight the giggling bellydancers that come before them. And Griffin's Eleven is good, in fact it's great! It's very rarely that I find a fic for which I'm willing to suffer Hemolacryia. Myonly real complaint was that it wasn't finished when I started reading, so I'm still waiting for the ending.

But if your only critisizm for a fic is that there should be more of it, that's a good sign. It means that the fic is good and you have nothing bad to say about it. All the characters are well rounded and imaganitive, this tory has the best example of balanced screentime, and overall the tone of the story fits the situation. So all in all, I really enjoyed Griffin's Eleven. If you haven't read it, I suggest you read it now... seriously... don't keep reading to see where I'm going with this, just do it. Go on, close the browser and go read it. I am not going to say it again...

_~Had to avoid swearing so the Library computers wouldn't kick me off without saving~_

_~Material~_


	33. Satine Double Bill

**Satine's Double Bill: The Chocolate Girl and The Silent Game**

After a year and a half of doing this, I thought I was immune to being dissapointed by a fic. Whoops, that's my entire opinion of these two Satine Stories given away in one sentence, but stay with me, there's more to this. It's not like I went into the story thinking it'll be good, because I don't go into any stories thinking they'll be good. If I'm looking for a lost wedding ring in a dumpster, I can try and believe it'll be filled with roses and gold, but I'll only be fooling myself. TCG and TSG was more like looking into a dumpster full of rusty dog food cans, but once I started looking, I realized that they were really delicious novelty cakes made to like like dog food cans. But once I started eating I realized that they were filled with wallpaperpaste and cyanide. And that's why I feel it let me down.

You see, when I read Griffin's Eleven, I was astounded at the complexity and depth that came from an author who vouches so eagerly for Canon Adherence. I was expecting the same thing from her other two fics, that is until I looked at the release dates and realized that I read them in reverse order. Oh fuck, I thought, there goes all my enthusiasm. The problem with The Silent Game and The Chocolate Girl is that they're not as complex as the titanic Griffin's Eleven. No, The Silent Game and The Chocolate girl have their hearts set on a more silly, comic relief kind of delivery system. It's perhaps the only true nonsense fic I have ever read, and it kept me laughing until the very end of both of them. The plots are simple. The Chocolate Girl centers around Stewie following a saleswoman home, and the Silent Game features Peter, Cleaveland, Joe, Quagmire and Brian trying to be quiet for as long as possible.

That's it, that's about as far as I can review these stories because that's the entire course of the plot.

The key character is both of these stories is Cassie Buchem. If you were like me and read Griffin's Eleven first and thought you knew Cassie Buchem, be prepared for a shock. Cassie is a completley different person in each fic, her personality is that interchangeable. In Griffin's Eleven, she was a troubled, lovestruck teenager who (for some strange reason) fell in love with a 61 year old man. Her personality seemed very dark and deep, and at times she would just snap and turn into a bubbly girl. In The Chocolate Girl, Cassie's personality is very normal. She's a standard person in the Family Guy Multiverse and doesn't do anything rather important, apart from being the main character alongside Stewie. In The Silent Game, Cassie's personality flitted around depending on the situation. She started off normal, then became lovestruck (SPOILER WARNING) after Stewie hit her with a love potion, and then turned into a total drunk by the end of the story. Cassie in a nutshell is a deeply varied individual who strikes me as a character whose author put a great deal of work into, and that attention to detail shows in how well she interacts in all three stories. In my entire life, I have only seen one other character this carefully crafted.

But eventually, when the endings started being delayed, and they kept asking if they should end the story, I realized what these two prequels were. A story that ran out of something. It was either ideas, or time, or money, or a giant frog crushing Satine's house. But either way, the stories are very silly, but there's absolutely nothing to back up the silliness. There's no real storyline beyond what is batently in front of us. It's a one hit wonder.

Despite my desire for depth and balance in storytelling methods, these stories are not the worst fics I've read. Lust Affairs and Love still holds that position, but Lust Affairs and Love was deep-fried puke right down to the bone marrow. The Chocolate Girl and The Silent Game were stories that started out with lots of great ideas, but ended up dumping a lot of potential due to the short lengths. I still suggest reading it. It's completley devoid of any flaws that usually banter around the section. There are no Canon Adherence/Defilement issues, no Mary Sues to speak of, and abso-fucking-lutely no ridiculous 4-part disaster-movie Twilight-Style angst fests halfway through. It's a story that requires you just embrace the spectacle, and seeing Peter and Cleaveland trying to get a point across without speaking was something nobody can't laugh at.

~Amazed that Canon Adherence can be pulled off without a single line of dialogue~

~Material~


	34. Ander's Awards Response

**Full Punctuation Presents A Duo Review:**

**This Is Not Another Review Fic: Family Guy FanFiction Awards**

**Guest Reviewer: Bhaalspawn**

"Well, we've all probably seen Ander, Staine, and Liana's little awards show," Material said, sitting in a comfortable chair, Bhaal sitting right next to him, "If you haven't seen it, I suggest you go read it before going any further. Anyway, we've decided to give a little rundown on some of the good things and bad things about the actual show itself."

Bhaal sat forward, "This is not a contesting on the awards given, or even on the authors themselves, but there are a lot of things that seriously needed to be mentioned in a format that standard reviews don't allow."

"This is kind of a guide and step-by-step instructions on exactly how to choose your nominees, and give awards accordingly," Material added, "As well as a short rundown on things you should NEVER do."

"Let's take a look at some of the bigger issues, shall we?" Bhaal said, "It's quite clear that a lot of work was put into the awards show, and the effort shows by the longer than usual word count. Decent awards shows usually have to be about 10,000 words in length, sometimes longer. Betareading is not something you should do with these, especially if you don't look over your newly edited piece afterward. It's too risky that your betareader will change awards around to suit their own liking."

"On all these fronts, Ander, Satine, and Liana should be congratulated for their effort and work," Material finished, "But quietly reminded that being a judge disqualifies you from winning an award."

"That is absolutely important," Bhaal added, "People can be biased towards their favorite fics, however, people can be even more biased to their own fics. To be honest, I saw a few too many awards for Ander, Satine, and Liana's own fics to think it as a coincidence. It's not a critisizm towards themselves, some people have bias without even realizing it. It's the Point of View effect. You can see all the motivation of your own characters and plotlines. Notice all the symbolism, and all the reactions to things, and see underlying development that some people haven't spotted. You don't get that kind of viewpoint when examining another person's fic, so your own can sometimes appear superior from your point of view. To avoid this, judges are encouraged to disqualify their own fics. Nobody has a better knowledge of a story's inner workings than it's author."

"That's another thing: Choosing your judges," Material replied, "It's quite understandable that Ander wanted help to get different viewpoints. But when choosing assistant judges, don't pick authors of major stories. If you follow the first rule, that disqualifies fics that really deserve awards. Better choices would have probably been Haylias, Tanadra, Camodian08, myself, Soldier of Sorrow, Vasglorious, and Loessar."

"Onto our next point, you need to clarify what stories fit what categories," Bhaal stated, reading from a list, "And again, this is the trouble using authors with major favorites as judges. They will all vote for the same story way too many times."

"I had the same trouble when I put up voting for my own awards show," Material replied, "Everyone voted for Malcolm Fox for everything. Wishing no offense to the man, but simply recycling every old character doesn't mean it's the best fic in the world. And it certaily doesn't fit every category."

"Comedy? Yes. Family? Yes. Romance? Maybe. Friendship? Now you're pushing it," Bhaal said, "And on that note, WI1 is not a romantic drama! It says so right in the Genre: Romance/Friendship. Anyone who's read my previous fics knows I kill off main characters at the end no matter what genre I write! Sorry, that's just been really bugging me."

"I thought we weren't going to contest the awar-"

"I'm not contesting!" Bhaal snapped, "Given that Ander was writing it, I'm surprised to have gotten any awards at all. But I have one complaint that I've been saving for now, and it goes thus:"

He leaned forward in his chair and looked directly at the camera.

"Watch this quote:"

_"For those who wonders why Matthew Ryder from Whispering Illusions hasn't even been nominated… well, there's a reason for that," said Meg. "The judges felt Matt's tendencies to overtake the whole story, as well as his very obvious Mary-Sue traits (J/N: No, we don't think he's a parody sue), his ridiculous fighting abilities that pop up from nowhere, and his maltreatment of just about everyone in his life (even when not influenced by Shadow's Prey), don't warrant a nomination for finding a good OC protagonist for Family Guy."_

"If you want to avoid a particular entry for a given category, that's fine," Bhaal said, "But leave it at that. Don't take the time afterwards to list out all the flaws that are already right in our faces to explain why you decided to leave an entry out. It might seem like an explaination, but nobody even asked for it. As it stands it's just a kick in the teeth to someone who's running out of teeth to kick!"

"Yeah, that's a little overboard, guys," Material added, "I don't think you've ever seen me pause while praising something to point out a character or story completley unrelated and describe how much it sucks. Speaking in which, Mary Sue traits need to be dropped in some aspects."

"Especially in Awards Shows," Bhaal replied, "The fics are competing with eachother, not with Family Guy itself. It's the same as the debate threads. You're there to discuss the stories on their own merits, not by the merits set by a group of 400 people all working to see how close they can get to being sued."

"Canon Adherence as an Award Worthy trait is fine, but keep in mind that Canon Adherence is not neccasarily a good thing," Material added, "If a story is _kinda like _ the show itself, that's good. But if a story is _exactly_ like the show itself, you're not writing, you're copy-pasting.

"The same goes with the characters," Bhaal added, "I could easily write the canon characters well if I did the same thing Maloclm and Ander do (ie: copy every joke ever made). But that's not really getting anywhere is it? I have a challenge for you all. I want to see someone write Stewie Griffin, in character, but _**without **_copying a single joke or bit already used in the show. I have first hand experience at how hard that is to do."

"To finish up, many of the awards were well presented," Material stated, "They're thought out, great care was taken in choosing a winner, and the presentation with the characters was highly original and very professional. They just need to clear up their own bias, not go off-topic next time, and try not to throw in a serious dig that could get you banned from the forum. Well that's all the time we have for today. I apologize for Bhaal's abruptness towards the end, but we can all understand the sole reason he's pissed."

"I'll end you with this final thought," Material finished, "There are 520 stories in this section. Trying to find award worthy stories among them all is like looking for gold in a septic tank. Not impossible, but it's going to be very hard to do. There are good fics here, but they are buried under total shit. Get a good shovel and a think pair of gloves. Once you find a good one, you'll never regret smelling like a dead cow's rectum."

~Alias VS Editor~

~Material~


	35. ReReview: Meg and Eddie

**Re-Review: Meg and Eddie**

Malcolm Fox, all is forgiven. The over-the-top characters, the obscure references to media nobody's ever heard of, the storyline going in different directions like it's used to chart out a dying man's pulse, just please give me a story where I can sit down, expect nothing but hilarious laughs and be rewarded for my mouse-click. After all the tense, angsty stories that are trying drama and failing miserably, I'd like to be able to laugh at a Family Guy Fanfic, and my two personal favorites are either not updated (Griffin's Eleven) or slipping over it's own feet and leaving me with an awkward feeling of being raped in my humoreus (TotV).

Well after turning over a rock, I managed to find something that's almost like Meg's Family, but watered down and slightly bland. Remember that other Virtual Season I reviewed a while back and panned it because of horrible English? Probably not. Well there was a fourth Virtual Season back there that seemed like it was trying to be part of the big boy's club that you could practically hear the browser window straining with the effort. Well I decided to take another look at it after a while when I was bored and massively drunk.

So I decided to pick up Meg and Eddie again after a drinking binge and a couple of dares from my roommate. As I began to read further, I began to notice something. The story was getting slightly bearable to read. Then I hit the Multiverse chapter and see a gag featuring the classic Bug's Bunny VS the Animator cartoon, and I was like "Shit up my nose! What gave this story the right to suddenly kick ass???"

As I kept reading, I noticed that Meg and Eddie did keep in step with the other Virtual Seasons. Meg finds boyfriend, Meg dates boyfriend. Meg almost loses boyfriend, Meg get's married, Meg get's pregnant. The key difference (and one I am totally grateful for) is that Aldovas does all this much SLOWER! The progression for Character Development is much slower and therefore much more enjoyable. It also allows Aldovas to explore a lot of different aspects of various sections of life. There could be chapters where the newlywed haze for Meg and Eddie begins to piss off the rest of the family, or chapters where Meg's third trimester makes her so bitchy that everyone wants to kick her ass.

Let's look at the time between meeting and marriage for each VS so far.

Meg's Family: 15 Chapters

The Spellbook: 14 Chapters

Tale of the Valkyrie: 18 Chapters (including 9 chapter prequel in that count)

Meg and Eddie: A whopping 30 CHAPTERS!

There's a lot of content being put to work here, and every second is on display. The humor is kind of weak at times, but I expect nothing less from a Virtual Season. Once you hit 30 chapters, every chapter after that gets harder and harder to write. And of course, what VS would be complete without building on aspects written by other VS Writers. By that I mean the bit where Meg was kissing Connie after her trail for shooting her. Well we all know who introduced that pairing to our eyes (hint hint slurp slurp tonguebath).

Looking back on what I said in my previous review, I think it was unfair to judge Meg and Eddie so harshly in it's early days. Like I said with The Spellbook, when you read it from start to finish as it is currently, it's very easy to see the improvement in Aldovas's English, which was one of the big deal breakers in the early chapters. With that problem (ALMOST) gone, I can finally sit down and start enjoying some of the chapters.

Mind you, some of the chapters do fall flat, but if I'm not going to critisize Ander or Bhaal for it, I certainly won't do it to Aldovas. Having chapters fall flat merely makes you awesome chapters oh so much more enjoyable. Also, Aldovas's clear noviceness to writing means I can see something that isn't identical to the canon, and thank fucking god for that. This is probably the first time I've ever hoped that the writer doesn't get a better writing style, because with improvement comes Canon Adherence and with Canon Adherence comes a cocky attitude, and with a cocky attitude comes flame from me. And I don't want to do that. I like Aldovas's nutty (if not insane) writing style, and really think that improving would only flander that.

So I'll say this in conclusion about Meg and Eddie. Despite what I said before (which none of you even listen to anyway) read it anyway. It's improved chapters have made the plot and humor much more pleasent to read, and you don't spend half as much time as you used to re-reading to translate the dialogue, so you can burn through a chapter in nearly a quarter of the time you used to. I wish success to Aldovas and hope that Meg and Eddie becomes something he really enjoys in the future.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some hate-mail that needs to be dilligently ignored.

~Wasted all that money on a Spanish-English dictionary for nothing now~

~Material~


	36. Extra Punctuation: LAAL

**Extra Punctuation: Lust Affairs and Love**

ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! I'LL REVISIT LAAL IF IT'LL MAKE YOU SHUT UP! But of course we know that won't work will it? Because nothing will make you shut up short of surgically removing your fucking jaw, and even then you can still drool down my ear! I've been down this road before. I delay reviewing a fic because I know the fanboys will hate the review, but they nag me to review it anyway to confirm their supersitions and level up their internet cocks. Then of course I piddle all over the game, which may come as no surprise there to someone with even the slightest grasp of pattern recognition, then the screaming fanboys start sending me hate mail saying that I apparently must have misinterpreted my own opinion.

But whatever, we'll play it your way. Here is only some of the flaws with LAAL.

**1. Taking Itself Too Seriously**

Whenever I mark down a story as taking itself too seriously, It means that the author was trying to hit the mark of dramatic tension and timing, but missed the mark and kept going about ten million miles too far. To put it in a way that morons will understand, it's when the tone is so angsty and so miserable and just so unbelieveably dreary that it becomes very very VERY boring to read. And if a story is boring to read, something has clearly gone wrong somewhere.

I've said time and again. Drama is all about timing, much like Comedy is. It's important to be able to recognize when dramatic description and emotion is appropriate, and when it's just unneccessary. Lust Affairs and Love simply tried to be dramatic all the time and be all serious all the time. Isn't this why every smart person in the world hates Twilight? Besides the other reasons I mean?

**2. Very Slow Jump-Off Time**

It's important to realize that with the limited time I can spare between schoolwork, trying to keep my job at Bhaal's game company, and general arsing around, I have limited time to read a story before other responsibilities take me away from it for too long a peroid of time to be comfortable. So when you come to a story like LAAL which is not only continuous, but very numerous in chapters, the story needs to jump of the page very quickly for me.

LAAL has about eight or nine chapters of angsting around and bitching and moaning before any of the good bits begin. This is very uncomfortable. This isn't like a Virtual Season where you can skip two or three chapters if you're in a rush, because otherwise you'll miss something important. The slow startup time is what made me quit the story 6 chapters in on my review.

**3. Emo Love Story**

There's always been something very weird about love stories that have so many dramatic overtones in them. Brian's Dilema, Whispering Illusion, and LAAL all have this weird, unpleasant feel to them when they try to tug our heartstrings. Brian's Dilema actually managed to do it because of all it's different plotlines. Whispering Illusion managed the same because of it's tragic ending.

To put it simply, Romantic Dramas work best if they end tragically. When they end happily, like LAAL did, it gives this weird sense that we're reading some teenage girl's fantasy written to soak themselves as much as possible.

This opinion comes from me because I prefer to enjoy what I'm reading. I like to laugh, so I prefer comedy. So when I'm badgered into reading a dramatic fic, It's incredibly painful for me to do so.

**4. Fanboy Pressure**

The people who like LAAL are die-hard Brian fans. The story is geared to people who want to know what goes on in Brian's head. I am not one of those people. I don't give a flying shit about Brian, and wish Family Guy would kill him off.

But that was the problem from the very beginning. I was badgered by so many people to review LAAL, and when I finally did, I pissed all over it.

But I don't care what fanboys think. Quite frankly, people who obsess about fanfiction are on the top of my list of biggest losers of all time. What they think is not important to me, and one would assume that what I think isn't important to them.

**5. Brian's Dilema**

Whenever I review a fic, I usually compare it to another fic of the same format. In the case of LAAL, I was comparing it to Brian's Dilema. And Brian's Dilema had a big difference to it that beat LAAL: It was funny.

With all the fourth wall gags, pokes at the author, and general one liner jokes spread out through the story, Brian's Dilema worked to make the audience love them. And the fact that it was unfinished made it even more enjoyable, because you never know when Haylias will upload another chapter.

As soon as LAAL is over, that's it. The way it ends leaves nothing to the imagination, and no way for people to still wonder what happens next. It also goes out of it's way for Masquerade Angel to say "OMG! LOOK AT ME! I'M SO SERIOUS! HOW 'BOUT THEE!" And makes the whole thing become unenjoyable to read.

**6. Personal Opinion**

In spite of what Ander says, I'm not going to begin every review with a statement that it's my own personal opinion. The fact that it's a public review implies that it's my own opinion. Anyone thick enough to not be able to deduce that on their own get's no sympathy from me.

All reviews are subjected to personal opinion. There is no objective review in history. But if you personally enjoy something, a negative opinion on it from someone else really shouldn't get to you. If someone not liking it really bothers you, then you obviously don't like it as much as you thought.

There, you got your bonus review. Not leave me alone already!

_~Just realized he spent the entire original review calling it LAAF instead of LAAL~_

_~Material~_


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